47: JD Murgolo on "Fragile Moments" in the "Dark Days / Bright Nights" of Managing Mental Health

0:00 How should you react? If someone tells you, they can cure your anxiety or guarantee that you will lose 20 pounds by a certain date? I thought meditation was about clearing your head. Are you telling me it can also increase your frequency of thought? What does the title Dark Days, Bright Nights mean, and can a bag of Funyuns serve as a litmus test for attending to our physical and mental health? Stay tuned as we touch on these and many other topics on this week's episode of untether your life. Welcome to untether your life, show that empowers you to own your own health and break free of templates for managing physical and mental wellness.

0:43 And looks at Key issues. Impacting the South Asian diaspora each week. We speak with experts in meditation and mindfulness folks who have struggled with mental illness, clinicians with insights on the South Asian experience and many other incredible guests. I am your host in a kilt or scar I'm passionate about the power of conversation to catalyze change this week, we speak with JD margalo AKA JD the Jedi. An ace certified health coach and personal trainer, as well as the founder of veritas fit. Whose aim is to build a Wellness Community where individuals can feel supported and find sustainable resources as they try to lead healthier lives for years, he had been an educator before realizing that the health and wellness realm was his true calling. When he's not designing programs for his clients, Client questions posting his podcast or tweeting about mental health. You'll find him enjoying a nice run or watching some hockey alongside him is his wife Tracy and his son. Daniel and with that, let's get untethered. So I'll let you add to that JD anything. Obviously, an addition to the latest addition to the morgue, Ola plan, or anything else you want to add to that. Yes, that's the most important probably Edition that I need to talk to 8 and edit their.

1:56 We do have a daughter, she'll be a month old tomorrow. Hairline. So we have a full house. That's again my yeah, thank you. You know, it's something that kind of like, opens your eyes to a lot of things to my wife, and I have been here. We enjoy that part of it, that it's like, you know, you're doing something for another human being, right? It's kind of like an arm in my case, you know fuels every bit of what I do because he's the kind of conversations. I want them to hear, maybe not mine. They may not like my voice at all when they're that age. But you know, these are things that they're going to benefit from knowing that weren't necessarily shared as frequently. We and as freely when we were younger, you know growing up. Yeah obviously LinkedIn is kind of like the go-to place to find out someone's background. So people are I'm sure they were you know Googling your name and finding that your broad title is mental health consultant, but then you're also an AC certified health coach. Can you talk a little bit about your journey to mental health? What is it specifically that you do with mental health, currently?

2:54 And then the second part of that is what brought you to minestrone. Yeah, absolutely I think those things are tough. I mean, I, we were talking about, I think social medias, is this weird and I feel like it's the thing that ages me because all these, I mean, we're only talking 10 12 years ago, but they all kind of were coming into existence at that point, you know, Facebook being the one that been there the most. But number one, you know, as a teacher like, it's not a good idea to social media necessarily for one, if you can cut it out. You know, that was approached number 12 stepping back there. So, prior to this current role, you were an You were teacher wife and I were both middle school. Middle school. Montessori teacher. So if you know anything about education, Montessori is very life focused but as far as social media goes, I may never never use a more than like a personal thing. You know, those hashtags, algorithms, all those things you talked about.

3:44 Now, just weren't a thing and so now it's like, you know, you have all these things that like have to go along with it and the wind and the where and I want to go back to that version because then it was just what I'm comfortable with. And that is just here, this is my piece of the world that I'm willing to share with you. Do what you want with it. I don't care if it gets any likes period and so it just kind of snowballs into this but then you look at like, you know what your titling, somebody sometimes, you know, the platform will just say, like, okay, you can type it in or you got all these people that are all of a sudden, like spiritual healers, is where I like seeing the fall on all the time. I'm like, yeah, I know that the thing. But like, do people really know that, are they looking for that?

4:25 I'm not just a personal trainer, I'm not a right, I wouldn't necessarily call myself a consultant Because I'm not giving you like a prescription of like this is what you have to do. I'm giving you some kind of like tools. It's hard with those kind of things as to what it is. You kind of the friends like odd mix but I think the broad umbrella Beyond I guess we're talking about terms would be the dark days Bright Nights project so maybe I'd love to hear more about that because we've been following each other for about six months. I think and I feel like every time I check out your profile you've got something new in the works. So it's really interesting to see the evolution but Dark Days, Bright Nights, maybe if you can talk a little bit more about. So it stemmed from just this whole time, we were talking about the guy began as a personal trainer.

5:06 I knew that Health was important. I didn't realize how much of like, the mental side. I was really interested in. I have a degree in Psychology. I knew from very early on when I walked into the doors of college that. Yep, this is what I'd like to major in. I knew only that I didn't want to sit on the couch and then that was it. And then go through college, go through life, you know, I don't know what I'm gonna do. My mom has been a teacher all as long as I can remember and a spot came open. Owen and I was like, oh I watched you do this mom. Like this is not going to be for me and it took like day one and I'm like this is great. I didn't have a degree in education. I have two of them now but it wasn't something that I was like. I don't really enjoy kids. I worked in retail. So I saw like the worst kind of kid running through a store.

5:47 I'm like, yeah, sure, no. But I was having conversations with kids, and this is Middle School. So it's a different stage in life versus, you know, a first grader. But you were having these like conversations especially as a Montessori education. That's weird. Focus is. Yes, the academics are there, but if you can't find your notebook, if you can't time manage, if you can't at least kind of put a thumb on, what's going on in your mind. Let alone all the crazy changes biologically in Middle School, you kind of out there in no man's land. It doesn't matter if you like algebra or not. How did this segue into mental health and how did that sort of bring about the? So I prefix and made my way into the health realm just from the personal trainer side of it. And then I realized all these conversations that I was having were just like those ones is. The teacher that I'm having the same conversation with adult that I was having with a 12 year old that you're stuck somewhere in your mind.

6:37 You know I can tell you how to exercise, I can tell you what to eat, you're not doing it because something is stopping you and then it clicked it was like, okay? Like you don't enjoy telling what people to eat you enjoy helping people navigate their emotions. Everybody should be comfortable to some degree about their story about, you know, what's going on in their mind. And a lot of people probably aren't because of that stage in life, that they may have had Adult better that's a parent or a friend or a teacher that was like, why are you acting out? Like, you need to be disciplined. Just go back to work and they needed to tell you why they don't understand it. Yeah, I'm so it was like, okay, like these are the things that I'm talking about. Anyway, my life. These are the things that I enjoyed at one stage of career in my life.

7:18 How do I get help people get to that same thing? How do I support that conversation? So did you start incorporating? I don't know if counseling is the right term, but how did you start incorporating this? Did this start of get into Woven while you were doing, Veritas fit it, did personal training, so maybe if you could walk me through sort of how that you can part of your menu of offering. If I gradually shifted like, what the program's, how they were worded. Like I said, I understand that part of being healthy and part of fixing your mind and Gathering the right tools and skills needed is getting outside and moving. You don't necessarily have to run a marathon. You do need to move part of it is eating the right thing. I feel the worst. I may love eating Taco Bell and having a Mountain Dew but if I Really think about it. Those are the days where I'm probably a little bit more anxious and anything for me, you know what? So it was kind of just slowly in the conversation and I realized like, okay this is the chapter close to the perfect opportunity to not start over.

8:14 I'm a firm believer and rethinking before you need to start up. Certainly there are opportunities moments where you do. So I kind of just shifted it slowly and surely for there's another piece that I learned from teaching that wife and I met at a training facility in Cincinnati and we both lived here in North Carolina. But I would come back from those sessions and go. I got to do this, they were doing this in that classroom that looked amazing to do. And I learned quickly that you can't just be like, okay let's put this in the classroom and watch it work. Just as magical as they had it working. When I saw it, sometimes it does. But if you're in the middle of a school year and you introduces, you know, whatever it was, you know, so I had came back one year for example, and all the kids in the school that we were training at. They're allowed to eat anytime they want as a middle school as well, they eat.

8:55 So we had to like observe classrooms but they were only allowed to eat fresh fruits and veggies in the And water, you could kind of had anything you wanted for lunch, we're not going to tell you what to bring from home necessarily. They're certainly schools that did it but I was like, it's beautiful, it's great. Let's do that. This is it work. So I was like okay this needs to be a principal for the very beginning and this is part of the curriculum stuck, a lot better. So same thing now you know okay I have all these ideas. This is what I'd like it to shift to. I can't just do it overnight, it won't work for people that are paying attention. They're gonna be like well you were that yesterday what happened? So Kind of gradually shifted into just the podcast being called that, you know, I pulled back the name that it be, they were Health talks because again, don't like talking necessarily about how to exercise. We know how to you don't, you don't know what to do as far as like, how do I make that stick?

9:44 And then I closed the chapter and said Veritas fit is was then that's what I've learned. This is what I've gained, this is the conversation now and it's still funny. Are you still doing a physical fitness like Consulting arm? That's all part of the services that go along with what I do and their clients. Hands up. It's just not the whole conversation. Now is part of so much more holistic and more correct? Yeah, because you can't, it's not something that exists in a vacuum, right? I mean, if somebody is being eating and binge watching Netflix binging on social media, it's the Hub and spoke model, right? It all fits into this wheel that if you're just focusing on one piece, it's really not going to be very effective. And in fact, it can be counterproductive.

10:26 Because if you're sitting there chewing doubt about the fact that they just ate a whole bag of Funyuns. Yeah, well you're not getting to the root cause like there's this wounded inner child that needs to be supported, right? So I think that's a great thing that you're incorporating all of that. Because conversely, when people just focus on their mental issues, sometimes attends to and then this is a controversial topic. But like body positivity is one example. Correct. There's this all sizes are beautiful and it's all about what's on the inside Fair. If I do agree that people shouldn't be held to this unrealistic standard of beauty, because that can be very destructive. However, if you're giving the person a pass to eat the whole bag of aforementioned Funyuns while they're trying to feel better about themselves.

11:15 It's completely counterintuitive, right? It's counterproductive, is I mean, if you look at both sides of that coin, right? You do have those conversations if someone comes in to a gym and they want to feel healthier, right? You are having those conversations about that specific need. They just call it mindset. You don't even say that they've got mental health issues, not until became a different problem. On the other side of it, you look at somebody that came into therapy and they're just talking about their past and their trauma and things like that. Eventually the conversation is going to lead back around to how are you living your life? And that doesn't necessarily mean going to the gym or what you're eating, but those are parts of that kind of. So both sides are having that conversation. That's what I was realizing.

11:58 We're having the same. Station bright 11, just goes more depth than the other and that. So yes, you do need both those separate but you also have some version of that's and that's no one's really necessarily connecting those dots and like letting that out into the world that hey, you don't have to separate issues, you have two separate bubbles under the same umbrella that need to be talked about simultaneously. And so that's what my conversations end up. Being you have to understand what your scope of practice is. I would almost like Ventures, say I love getting to that point with somebody and telling them, like, look, I'm not equipped to do that. And I'm not comfortable like, you know, doing that, sometimes I have to say but right, that's great.

12:41 That you've got to that point. I love that part of it. Not everybody loves that part. We all want to be the one that goes. Yep. JT fix it JD's. The person he's the man who fixed let me highlight it. No, I don't want any bit of that. Like I don't want to be the person I want to say that like his programs got to be his conversation. I don't want to be the first. Yeah but that so this might This might fly in the face of that this question, but if there's any success stories of people that you've worked with, I'd love to hear more about that of somebody who maybe was struggling with bipolar disorder or an eating disorder and they were trying to shed a few pounds. The one that always like sticks out to me somewhere last year actually and it was probably around like the holidays time. They started off like it kind of had an idea that like you know that there was probably something else and they were doing things as far as like journaling there. Just weren't necessarily like approaching in the darker part of the topic and I use the same verbiage and very compassionate respectful for that.

13:35 Of course, you know, when you're having these kind of tough conversations, no matter what kind of side of the coin, someone's bound to get upset too with you because they have to get upset at somebody right. When you thought of really things, that's how it came out. It was like, well, that's not what I signed up for. I thought this is going to be this this and this and you know, so I have to go back to it. I'm like well every time we talked, you know, I said the same thing like I'm not an expert in that and sometimes you have to be a little bit more like clear that Maybe you do need to talk to somebody, they're not connecting that dot and the last communication with something like that. Like, you know, I apologizing that you surely like, felt like you signed up for one thing would wear it, but it's always has to be clear. You should always be clear with you are, are going to do because especially in the health realm, because if someone goes in thinking that somewhere, they were going to lose 20 pounds, for instance, which give us something physical and they lost 19, they're gonna be pissed because you said 20, if you can't do that and your understanding how unrealistic Some of people's goals are especially with health. You have to be clear.

14:33 So it took like a week and all of a sudden I get this like huge email and a random review. You know, I automatically send a review of the end for and it was that it was just a realization that like, no. Sorry. I don't need to apologize either, but it was in there was in the wording that was, like, here's the steps that I took. I had a lot more Barry that I wasn't aware of, you know, appreciative that like we got to a point that I was able to allow them to do that. And be able to have the next step happen because that's when we get that kind of thing wrong to like make it seem like a therapy works, you know, go do that. It takes a lot for you to be able to admit it and be take that step. So it was like all these things just opened up and cascaded for them. I mean, I got to like a Page worth of review, but, you know, guile huge letter that was like, this is not what I thought it was going to be, it was better actually and I'm sorry, basically that I wasn't open to do that, but that kind of story is great for me and makes me feel good. Because that's what I walked into it for, you know, I didn't walk in going.

15:33 Okay, I'm a cure their anxiety. You watch. You can't, you can't because you don't know what's going to trigger that anxiety later. You know what it triggered it now and we can arm you with the tools to manage it later so that when that comes your mind's eye, well this is familiar. So my initial response is to have you freak out, but then you can go and say, okay, well, here's what I was given to deal with it. The last time, let's see if that works, and it may work. Maybe all of a sudden, this is a way more traumatic moment than you were dealt with last but you have a starting point. So that's what I end up doing for people is kind of getting that conversation started making myself and then fully aware that there's going to be another step. I want you to kind of just get comfortable with yourself and authentic with yourself and give you the necessary tools to move forward.

16:19 And for a lot of people, that's what they needed first, they just needed to kind of hear those terms and a sustainable, realistic way versus someone going. Okay, give me six months, you're going. Lose twenty pounds, you're going to feel great and you're going to make a million dollars because you feeling so great. No, no, you can't do that to somebody, you know, and I think we get that, I mean, might be a hot take, but I think we get that wrong. A lot of times when it comes to mental health, especially you can't. There's a lot of things, you can't cure. Yeah, I mean, it's a journey. I think that in our overachieving world, sometimes we tend to have this. I'm gonna zap all my anxieties in my depression and I'm gonna like you said, lose 20 pounds. By X date.

17:00 And that's just, I think you're just setting yourself up for failure with that approach. You know, it you need to look at it as a Continuum and you had a great post about course correction. Maybe if you can talk a little bit more about that just talking about like that's why they pencils have erasers because you always have the opportunity to course. Correct. So maybe in your journey, I guess. Maybe if we could back up. Also, because I want to understand what was your journey with mental health, in particular, because I had seen a couple tweets that you would put out there. You would mention that you would been raised by somebody who had suffered from mental illness. I was just curious. Like, if that inform your journey at all seeing what they had gone through and maybe trying to help them, it does. And my father, is the one that has a, you know, some form of depression.

17:45 I don't know. It's not part of anything that they've needed to share with my mom and dad. They're the most open people and the most, like, well, aware of their emotions especially now, having two kids, I've watched my dad cry more than I ever did. First time it ever happened. I was like, whoa. You're supposed to be a rock dude, like what? Okay, you're a human now that was like 10 11, this wasn't in the script, it wasn't in the script but I still remember it. Like that was the last time and I've cried since, but I mean that was like Middle School, probably, for me. And it was a moment when it was my mom's oldest sister. It's been 15, 20 years now since she passed away from breast cancer and he couldn't come to visit her, you know, in her last days.

18:25 But my brother and I was five years younger than me, and I remember him being on the phone, And I never thought that he was like emotionless. He's never been that. Never an extreme of you any side though and I remembered hearing him on the phone, basically apologizing to my uncle that he couldn't be there and I'm like if I could see you you're balling right now letting him. Okay and I'd somewhere in me it was like okay I'm the oldest son like I need to also be strong to like you are so was until many years later that as he, you know, lost his job. And you know, watched my parents kind of deal with everything we knew something was there. But you know, And completely shut off, but he wasn't necessarily himself either. But I remember my mom one night. Like, I mean, my dad always went to bed, early worked in Wall Street, and like, always stocks and bonds.

19:08 So we got up early, but it was like he was going to bed a lot earlier and my mom, here's where the Epiphany story of like, where the names come in for everything. I remember her telling me that it was the only time that his mind shut off is when he went to bed and he was thinking and he was worrying. And he was stressed because he went from being the guy that supported everybody to not able to and that nobody blamed him. Nobody said, That they have like my mom like brother and I know, buddy, his days were filled with what should have been the daylight hours and bright and shiny, and sunny and functioning, and they weren't they were dark, and his Knights were bright because if you can go to bed, none of that is going on necessarily, right? It's still there, but you're asleep if so night was kind of like his oases and I was always right.

19:53 And so inadvertently, I mean years and years years later, as I'm just kind of walking around. Going to run. I think the phrase is popped into my head, Dark Days, bright nights, and that one was well before all this, but I was like, you know, I'm gonna do something with that time and might still be, I'm gonna write a book entitled that if you really think about it, anybody any version of suffering from any of the Milton illness or having to struggles in general, it's true for everybody, right? You don't want to be awake because the anxiety of paying your bills because you lost your job. Is there, you fall asleep, right? And that's where the Snowballs and other things, right? So, So seeing that is something that kind of informs me. I don't have any traumatic moment that you think about but but kind of informed but I do.

20:37 But I'm a firm believer that there's a there's a higher power for all of us heard whatever you want to call that. My case, I believe in the power of the universe, that there's some kind of bigger form granting us, the opportunities and smacking Us in the face when we need it. And yep, I believe that the Universe smacks you in the face hard just once and you have Choices. You either go gay. That sucked and you're right, I'm going to find a different path because this is not the path that I need to lie down or you just look at it. Like okay. Well that was just an unfortunate Road bump, I don't care what you're trying to tell me, I'm going to keep going down this path and that's not course-corrected. You know that you're going to have these moments where it's like something happened, something challenging happens, something tough something out of the ordinary, whatever you want to call it, because you are version of a traumatic moment is going to be different from mine, but it does don't make it any less valid, but I believe that there's a power somewhere that's writing it all together for you.

21:36 You just need to make sure that you're listening to the lessons. You learn from your mistakes but some people read that and go. Okay? Yeah. Don't stick my finger in a light socket again, or you look at and go put your hand on the stove for Rice, right? It's some people, look at it as something very simple and don't remember that, there's probably a bigger lesson than just that that you know, you shouldn't just go around poking. Anything that Unsafe for you, right? It's not just like sockets, you know. So that I think I'd probably die on that pedestal that. Yeah, that is that happening for everybody. Whether you know it already has happened and need to think about it again or it's coming. Let me ask you JD what's been your experience in terms of what's help you to manage your health? Because obviously you're very in tune with the brain-body connection, you know, being very well versed in exercise methodologies and training and nutrition and things. But have you gone to a therapist extensively or have? You been very mindful about what you put in your body? The whole garbage in garbage out. Model is how I think relatively calm looking all the time. Yeah.

22:41 How you station shaping how you manage to be the picture of? Yeah, no far from it and I think that's probably part of it, right. I just knew body-wise. I think I've always been the worst critics for myself. Probably less of one now because you realize like a, you don't have time to just be upset because, you know, you can Troll your crazy hair or you know, you broke out because you didn't sleep, like, you have two little ones, but right, I think I've always just been very, very honest and very realistic with everything. We've certainly tried my wife and I we were very Avid Runners but it was just the two of us eventually, get back there. But new tried immersion the plant base and things like that, but you kind of have to step back sometimes ago, can I physically do that?

23:23 Can I mentally do that? Can I financially do all those things but the same time is it also causes When you to not enjoy all every bit of life, I always tell people that it was clients to that. I'm not giving you a diet plan because it's not fair it necessary to your life. It might be completely more stressing for me to tell you that you need to cut out everything orange and only, you know, to tomatoes for breakfast for the next month for this to work that. You might cause you way more stress than you needed plus. What if I eliminated the fact that you know, when you go out to eat with clients or like maybe you have a weekend date with your spouse and You have a cheesecake and now I'm telling you because you're counting calories that, you can't have that cheesecake.

24:04 Like that's not fair. You know, those eating programs can be the most destructive High struggle with stress eating a lot to you know, and I've tried a bunch of different approaches like one of them, I don't know if you've looked into like, inner child therapy, but that's a big part of. It is just that when you are grabbing that Snickers bar or when you're grabbing that bag of, I don't know why. I'm obsessed with Funyuns today. But back, it's that inner child. That's Rebelling, you know, at that was always told you can't do this, or you can't do that and they're trying to keep control. So, I actually did try one of those Overeaters Anonymous groups that we was probably the worst thing. I would strongly discourage anybody from ever trying that because it all has to be in moderation. Like I said before, it's all part of like a hub-and-spoke, you know, you just can't like, Let One sort of get bent out of whack, right?

24:57 And but it's going to get bent out of whack and that's something. Have to be aware of, you know, I mean, people that are like fully into like the nutrition side of it like and do that for a living for people. They'll tell you that to that, if you're cutting out sugars or they least they should be telling you right? For example, that if, you know, it's holiday time and somebody brought, you know, some kind of cookie, or maybe there's like, mints out somewhere. And then now you go and have that item and then you like, oh well, I'm a failure. I am cooking. I worst person in the world and that's not fair to do. And so that's why I was like, Like I was having those kind of conversations a lot, the bits that part would being so extreme with it. Sure, the thing is, I've worked for me. The most, is that? Just being realistic.

25:37 Do I get down on myself because I, you know, can't do the things that I was doing before, where my life is. Yeah. And what do I do with that? How do I fix that? Or is it something that can be fixed right now? For look at parenting just as the example, since that's the most immediate thing in my life. That what I realized with our son, very early on and hours, you have to kind of really rethink, is all those people that were telling you, you must not get enough sleep. You have a kid now, Those people were the ones that were still trying to do all the things they were doing before I kid. Now, in some things you can, but if you really prioritize your health and life, if your kid is going down at this time and you know, that they're probably going to be up at this time because they're three months old and still very hungry and not sleeping. Well you might want to go to sleep right now versus having that beer and binging that new show that can wait for a long. You know it's those things and so I'm very realistic with the fact that man I really just want to pause and sit, right. Right now and watch a show or play a game or something. I should probably just finish my tea and lay in bed and read a book.

26:36 I'm tired. And yeah, those are the kind of things that I wasn't great about before I was just telling my wife like a dinner yesterday and I'm like, I only get to go to the gym, two days out of the week. And I had to do everything else that I need to get done in a day on those two days. So I don't rush, I don't fly, but I'm in and out in like 20, 30 minutes and I have to split up. What I'm working. I'm Never felt better walking out of there. And the first day I did that when we finally started like when we got to a point that you know, my son was going somewhere else, I could balance that back in like having the gym. I remember walking out of there and going what in the world was I doing for an hour five days? Sometimes six days a week because we were just, you know, on the weekend. We do that for like an hour. Yeah there's one thing I could go back and tell my younger self.

27:21 It was like it would be that like I feel like I almost wasted my time that's me though. But what could I have done differently? Because I'm not going to win. Mr. Universe contest. But am I going to feel good? Am I going to walk out and be like yeah, what's next today? That's what I should have aimed for the whole time but that's something that they don't tell you necessarily as a personal trainer, they have that goal that they want you to get too, but they don't tell you that your body might not ever be that it may be healthy but you may be 180 pounds and never have six pack and barely look like you have muscles. But when it came time to pick up your kid from saving them from the sheer death, maybe you had the strength to pick them up and walk. You know, that all about perspective, right? So those are the kind of things that have always helped me, and if I look back year after year after year, no matter what age I was, those are the tools that work for me, you know. Are you still doing anything with like yoga or meditation? Because I saw that on your website, you have some educational materials about that wasn't sure if that was had two, lovely just five dollar ebooks.

28:21 That basically came from me, not liking either one of those things. Okay. Again, probably just the way they were introduced because much It's like anything else when it comes to mental health or physical health, you know, we have this like you need to do it for this. And this is how it works. And this is how it's going to fix. And that might work for some people. They may have that mindset. That's like, okay, got it, let's do it. And then, nine times out of ten though, you're not that person and I'm not that person. I do know that doing these things, even just a small. So I start my day with a certain amount of stretches. I feel much better. I end my day just laying in bed before. I, you know, turn the lights off after I've read. And just a a journal that's part of my meditation before I even begin to read or do anything else. But lights are off, I'm laying down and I'm closing my eyes thinking about everything, just letting those thoughts happen. Those are two things that they would tell you not to do necessarily.

29:15 Hey you should be laying down. Be you know, you shouldn't be thinking about all those things. So I was like, you know what, maybe that's why it's not sticking for a lot of people because they told you need to do this, like stream Power, Yoga sessions with like two hours worth of like, you know, meditation Completely quiet and you're stressed out. You're like, I don't have that like, well, it's interesting because I, there's one school of thought that I'm really into a company called Mindvalley. And they actually talk about meditation, there's different types of meditation. There's the type you talked about where it's very contemplative and clearing your mind and that can be tough. Because, like you said, I mean, especially when you have a one month old and you have hate you, no bills to pay, it can be challenging, but there is something that's actually interesting words. Like, actually, Meditation where you're getting into different frequencies of thought, like, Alpha and Theta and Delta, that's actually, something that I've been exploring world. Lately is not just quieting the mind, but harnessing, and tapping into higher levels of reasoning and higher levels of intuition.

30:15 It's pretty powerful so that might have been might resonate with you. Like, I'm a big believer in meditation, like, I know it's not for everybody, and it's funny because my wife, and I are trying to find the fine line between getting our kids to get into it and having it backfired by cramming. Italian throat because when they're young as your learning, that is the best time to get them to adopt certain practices. However, if you're too forceful or dogmatic about it, it can really backfire. You know, that's the last thing they want to do. Nothing frustrates me more. When it comes to hearing people talk about mental illness, then having them have like six steps that's going to cure your anxiety. I'm like, no, no. You already set them on the wrong path. That now they've got this unrealistic goal that it's going to go away and it's not, I mean, Don't have anything that's super stresses me out.

31:01 Like being somebody's responsible for every bit of their income is nothing that I would have signed up for. It's a lot of stress, I can have the most perfect day ever. I'll put my head on the pillow and all of a sudden like my chest is really tight and I can give you no explanation why that happened my body, just react like that. And so it's that, you know, you can't predict, I wish you can't predict what's going to happen. So you can't tell somebody like when you get anxious. Here's what's going to fix it. You know from that's a pill to a meditation to The Mantra. It's just not because you don't know what's going to knock you on your butt. You just have to be paying attention to. I mean you put things in your toolkit and you calibrate as needed, right? You just think it's the whole course, correction things.

31:41 You talked about exactly. I've Loved this conversation and you have so many great insights and, you know we could go on for hours but I want to leave out the little ones during the day and my wife hears me but she's halfway asleep. You know, by the time we actually get to talk to each other. Yeah we'll have to have your little ones on for the best, I guess. Appearances. I want to make sure that people who are listening, you know, if they want to hear more about your get in touch with you, what is the best way that people can get ahold of you? I look like when you said that in the beginning, I'm like I do have a lot of things in the fire. I'm also the kind of person that's quickly, like, this is out of control for me, like, I feel like I'm doing everything and nothing part of my rethinking was like, how do I make this everywhere?

32:22 What's your handle on Twitter, on Twitter? I'm JD the Jedi JD underscore the Jedi and everything is under There, whether people signed up for wanting to hear parenting stuff and the chaos that goes along here or something mental health-related, I do have one. All-encompassing for the podcast, I have a network that I began here to kind of slowly but surely kind of gather all mental health podcast as best I can from various conversations. Because as you mentioned, we all have something different to share. That's not today Network. So not today, media is what it's called so I have both not today media so it's not today. Media is what it's called but it's housing. Both my Cast in one other at the moment but I'm currently it's kind of my media end of everything to gather those conversations from storytelling ones.

33:07 Like you know, we have two documentaries, the short ones, you know, whatever the case may be, but the kind of people can find in one spot. But nonetheless, JD underscore the Jedi on just Twitter if you really want to see kid pictures all the time, it's the same name on Instagram but I assure you. If you don't like kids or you don't like seeing you and I think you've got some good videos on there, too. If I recall correctly, I do. I mean, I put them in every once in a while. While I leave Twitter to just being kind of, I don't want to say professional. But yeah, no, I think you should personal side of me on that. Yeah, I know your Twitter account is great. I always equate Twitter to like a cocktail party and it's always interesting to see as long as you're not obnoxious about it. In my mom, someone's drink over, but it's always just amazing to see the connections that Sprout up from me.

33:49 I like it. I mean, I, you can tell I love to talk, and I like to write and Instagram was not that for me, I love pictures. I'm the one who takes pictures here in this family. Yeah, I think Twitter is the unsung hero of social media person. Is it, is if you like to do LinkedIn, LinkedIn is to promotional. Facebook is just a hot mess of political of God. That's been long gone for that reason. Yeah, Instagram. Yeah, like you said, I just am not an Andy Warhol. I'm not an artist. I'm not a visual guy, so I love Twitter, it's simple, it's easy and it's succinct job to find that works for you. Is there anything else you want to say? Just inclusion than JD, just been great? Like I said, I mean anything and everything you want to get. Volved with me of houses, all under Dark Days, bright nights dot-org.

34:32 That's everything from subscribing to the newsletter, which also, I have open discussions twice a week of, you know, some kind of question to help you deep dive and very open discussions. Sometimes I'm live on them to help you talk, but there's everything from being on the podcast, you know, share your story or asking me a question to have it answered on a podcast to signing up for one-on-one services. With me, I'm always happy to support. Okay, thank you, thank you for letting me be here. No. Thanks so much for joining. It was great talking to you. Thanks so much for listening and I hope you enjoyed that episode four, more of these types of conversations. Please visit us at untether, your life that Co you can also find us on Instagram and untether your life, as well as on Apple Spotify and other platforms by searching for untether, your life. And if you did enjoy this episode, please leave us a review or share it with someone who might also benefit. Thanks.

35:24 And until the next time we meet stay untethered.