54: Jenny Thrasher, All That We Are - Beyond Saving a Life, to Living a Life We Love

1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,500
When discussing difficult topics
such as suicide, why is it so

2
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:07,700
vitally important to practice
safe messaging and be extremely

3
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:09,400
careful with our choices of
words.

4
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:12,100
How can the tragic loss or near
loss of a loved one?

5
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:14,900
Teach us to shift from Simply
Staying Alive.

6
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,700
To truly, living a life that we
love.

7
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:19,600
What is the actual stigma around
suicide?

8
00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:23,500
The answer may surprise you.
And what is the background in

9
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:26,300
the mission of all that we are,
how is the company and its

10
00:00:26,300 --> 00:00:29,300
founder quote Shifting, the
mental health narrative from a

11
00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:32,100
fear-based And crisis mentality
to one of wellness and

12
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,800
empowerment stay tuned.
As we touch on these and many

13
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,800
other topics on this week's
episode of untether your life.

14
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,800
Welcome to untether.
Your life show that empowers you

15
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,700
to own your own health and break
free of templates for managing

16
00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:55,600
physical and mental wellness.
And looks at Key issues,

17
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,500
impacting the South Asian
diaspora.

18
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,600
I am your host to kill towards
car and I am Passionate about

19
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,500
the power of conversation to
catalyze.

20
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:06,200
Change this week, we speak with
Jenny Thrasher, International

21
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:09,300
keynote speaker, founder of all
that we are and author of the

22
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,400
book.
Growing through grief while

23
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,700
Jenny has a degree in
Psychology, she attributes her

24
00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:16,900
Authority on the subject matter
to her life experiences as well

25
00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:19,500
as her determination to truly
understand and effectively

26
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:22,500
respond to the challenges she
and those around her effaced.

27
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,400
Losing her dad to Suicide, drove
her to understand mental health.

28
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:30,300
Facing her own health challenges
taught her about Wellness, but

29
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,400
it was almost losing her
daughter to a mental health

30
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,200
crisis.
That helped her to understand

31
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,400
that.
It isn't enough to Simply Save a

32
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,500
Life.
We have to learn how to live a

33
00:01:38,508 --> 00:01:41,700
life that we love and with that,
let's get untethered.

34
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,800
So Johnny thanks so much for
joining us.

35
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:46,100
I was willing to kill.
It's great to be here.

36
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,900
Can you tell us a little bit
more?

37
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,700
Maybe about yourself Beyond with
the information that I just

38
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:52,000
share?
Yeah.

39
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,600
So for me, People always ask,
how did you get into this?

40
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:59,200
And isn't it depressing to do
this work every day?

41
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:03,400
And, you know, as you shared it
with reading my bio, I got into

42
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,300
this because I lost my dad is
suicide.

43
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:09,100
So I was 20 years old, getting
my degree in Psychology when he

44
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:12,900
passed away, and after I went
death through that initial shut

45
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:16,600
down and deep grief.
When I was able to return to

46
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,000
school, I needed understand why?
Because the stigma around

47
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,900
suicide, wasn't a reflection of
who my dad was.

48
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,600
And I really needed to
understand what happened to him

49
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,900
and I also needed them to
understand that I wasn't.

50
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,700
Okay.
And so I was surrounded by just

51
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:36,700
an incredible staff of teachers
and fellow students who not only

52
00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:39,700
supported me and my journey and
healing but they also challenged

53
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:43,400
me and my way of thinking and
the way that I was approaching

54
00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:46,700
mental health and wellness, you
know, it's been over 20 years

55
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,400
since I lost my dad.
I don't find this depressing.

56
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,500
In fact, I always say to people
talking about mental health

57
00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:54,900
doesn't have to be depressing.
I An easily flow from talking

58
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:57,500
about something really heavy and
intense to laughing about

59
00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:59,700
things.
But a lot of that is because I

60
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:03,600
see every interaction with
someone as an opportunity to

61
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,700
further my healing as well as
help them in their own healing

62
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,700
journey.
I don't remember the exact quote

63
00:03:09,708 --> 00:03:12,000
but I think I think is Viktor
Frankl.

64
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,700
He says suffering ceases to be
suffering, once it has meaning

65
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:18,600
and that's so it sounds like
you've definitely been able to

66
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,100
transform pain into purpose and
passion.

67
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:24,400
Could you tell me a little bit?
More about some of the

68
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,600
organizations that you founded.
Okay.

69
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,100
I guess is around 2015.
It was about fifteen years.

70
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:33,100
After my dad had passed away.
A friend of mine had reached out

71
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:37,400
to me to let me know that two of
her friends had each lost, a

72
00:03:37,408 --> 00:03:40,900
loved one to suicide and she
knew everything I've been

73
00:03:40,900 --> 00:03:44,800
through not only losing my dad
but also going through

74
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,100
postpartum depression, becoming
suicidal being a crisis

75
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:51,500
counselor and a public educator
on suicide prevention.

76
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,100
And so she asked me if I would
write Write her friends, a

77
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,600
letter letting them know that
healing was possible.

78
00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,400
And after a couple of weeks I
reached out to her and I said,

79
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:04,000
you know, I haven't forgotten
you, I'm working on this, I just

80
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,600
don't know where to stop.
So I then sent her what I've

81
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,500
been working on and she called
me back and she said, don't

82
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,400
stop, you have to keep writing,
you have a message that needs to

83
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,300
be heard.
So she asked if she could send

84
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:17,899
part of my what I've been
working on to her friends and I

85
00:04:17,899 --> 00:04:19,800
said yes.
But then for three years, I

86
00:04:19,808 --> 00:04:23,100
continued to write whenever I
would feel compelled to do so

87
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:29,400
And it was in January of 2017.
When I realized that all of this

88
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,700
that I've been working on was a
book and it was actually going

89
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:37,900
to be published and immediately.
I felt this paying of, I don't

90
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:42,100
want to profit off of this and I
know what it feels like to be in

91
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:46,600
pain and to feel alone.
And so I started growing out of

92
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:50,800
darkness, which is a nonprofit
that is focused on providing

93
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,000
support and dividuals who've
lost a lot.

94
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:56,000
Luna suicide.
And the way that we primarily

95
00:04:56,000 --> 00:05:00,300
Provide support is by donating
copies of growing through grief

96
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,100
to anyone who requests one.
That's the name of the book.

97
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,500
Yeah.
Let me ask you Jenny.

98
00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:08,800
Is it available in bookstores or
anything?

99
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:13,100
Because I wasn't using available
on Amazon so you can get it

100
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,600
there.
But you can also go to growing

101
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,800
out of darkness, dot-org and
request a copy.

102
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,100
And I will get a copy out in the
mail to you.

103
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,900
No charge, no charge.
Strength, that's incredible.

104
00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:29,300
Because I think it is true that
there are people even with all

105
00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:32,800
the information that were
inundated with, there are so

106
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,800
many people out there suffering
in silence who think because

107
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,000
it's like, you know, you have,
you might have that friend or

108
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,700
you, there might be that
celebrity, who's going through

109
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:43,500
something similar.
But it's such a personal thing

110
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,000
and, you know, to have a
resource like that in the fact

111
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,300
that you send it out, free of
charges, to put it in your needs

112
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:50,800
it.
I think that can be extremely

113
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,500
uplifting.
So you admit Mention that with

114
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:58,000
suicide, you have really seen
all angles of this whole none

115
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,100
drum, which is just that,
obviously you said your father

116
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:04,900
had died by Suicide and then,
you know, your daughter had also

117
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:08,300
struggled with it and then did
you say that you had also had

118
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:10,900
some ideation through
postpartum?

119
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:14,900
I did now, let me ask you, is it
something with your

120
00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:18,000
organization's?
It's such a big problem that

121
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,400
you're trying to tackle.
Is there any one specific facet

122
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,300
of this suicidal?
You had that you tend to cover

123
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:29,400
like do you tackle it in terms
of like workshops or other

124
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:30,800
resources?
Yes.

125
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:34,800
So, you know for me as you just
mentioned languages is

126
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:40,100
fundamental I am intentional in
removing the sigma and and so

127
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,000
when I go in and I do workshops
and trainings and and I'm

128
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,200
teaching people how to talk
about it and really, it's about

129
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,600
removing the fear and replacing
that with understanding and

130
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,500
compassion.
So people know how to respond

131
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:57,100
versus React part of that is
changing the way we talked about

132
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:58,800
it and the way we think about
it.

133
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,200
And so we need to do that by
first addressing, what is the

134
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,600
stigma?
And you know, most time when I

135
00:07:04,608 --> 00:07:08,400
go in and I talk to groups and
I'll and I'll ask what's the

136
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,800
stigma around mental health
around suicide.

137
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:15,800
And the number one answer, I
receive a shame but that's not

138
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:19,300
the stigma.
That's the result of the stigma,

139
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:24,000
the actual stigma associated
with mental health and Suicide,

140
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,600
is that this person is feeling,
sorry for themselves that they

141
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,800
are choosing to be this way that
they are.

142
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,500
Just trying to seek Vengeance on
people around them, you know,

143
00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:37,900
and hurt others.
Or that, they are being seen as

144
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:42,500
broken and either needing to be
fixed or incapable of being

145
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,500
fixed.
And so, what I do is I try to

146
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:49,900
teach a language that really
focuses on the individual as a

147
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:52,900
human while recognizing that
they're facing challenges.

148
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:56,300
Has, which is why, you know,
you'll hear a lot of Advocates,

149
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:59,800
use terminology that I do not
use such as that.

150
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:03,200
Some people might say that my
dad killed himself, but you will

151
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,500
never hear me say that.
Because for me to say that or to

152
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:09,700
say that he took his own life
would insinuate that he made the

153
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:12,200
choice.
And what I know is that had my

154
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,900
dad been healthy, that would
have even been a choice.

155
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,900
Like, he wouldn't have even been
considering it.

156
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:19,800
And so what I try to help people
understand is that when someone

157
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:23,500
is at that point of being
suicidal their ability to Make

158
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:26,700
rational decisions has been
compromised, you'll hear me say

159
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:30,000
I lost my dad to Suicide or he
died from suicide.

160
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,799
So, definitely addressing
language, addressing stigma is

161
00:08:32,799 --> 00:08:36,900
fundamental but in addition to,
that is even safe messaging and

162
00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:40,400
what we mean by that and some
people again will say well if

163
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,400
you're trying to teach me safe
messaging is because you're

164
00:08:42,408 --> 00:08:45,600
trying to censor what I have to
say because I should feel

165
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,300
ashamed of what I'm going
through.

166
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,400
That's not what safe messaging
is about.

167
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:52,900
Safe messaging is recognizing
that we don't know who's in.

168
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,500
In our audience.
So we want to use minimal

169
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,300
graphic details.
When you say safe messaging, I

170
00:08:58,308 --> 00:08:59,400
want to make sure I understand
this.

171
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,700
You're talking about the person
who is actually struggling with

172
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:06,100
the suicidal ideation and things
like that, right?

173
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:11,900
Not so much, the person who's
talking about so it's okay,

174
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,600
someone talking about someone
they lost it could be someone

175
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,900
talking about their own attempt,
it could be someone talking

176
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:22,500
about what they saw on a TV show
or a movie or read in a book and

177
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:26,200
it's not Us when it comes to
Suicide, we're talking about any

178
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:30,500
kind of traumatic event is to be
aware that we do not know who

179
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,700
our audience is.
We do not know what they've been

180
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:37,800
through and more importantly, we
do not know what support system,

181
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,100
they have in place.
So, one of the things that we

182
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:43,100
always want to ask ourselves as
speakers and even Beyond

183
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:47,000
speakers, but just humans, who
might be out having coffee, or

184
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:51,000
having lunch or dinner with
someone and recognize our voices

185
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,800
carry, the people sitting around
us.

186
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,700
Certain words are going to catch
our attention.

187
00:09:54,708 --> 00:09:58,100
You know, that we want to be
aware of how we are talking

188
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:01,200
about things with a recognition
of asking ourselves.

189
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,700
What?
Purpose of this serve are these

190
00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:08,000
details necessary.
Is it really to amplify the

191
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,500
story and sensationalize it?
Or is it serving a purpose?

192
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:15,900
Do I need to know that specific
detail and one way that I share

193
00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:19,900
this is that there was a man
that I met in 2016, right

194
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:22,800
before, I knew that my book was
going to be published.

195
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:26,200
In fact, he was part of what
helped me to make that

196
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,400
Discovery.
So he and I were flying on a

197
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,000
plane back to Minnesota and I
never met him before.

198
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,500
He's asking me questions about
me and what I do.

199
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:39,300
And I told him that I was
working on this book and I told

200
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:42,000
him was about, it was about
losing my dad, and my healing

201
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,100
journey and he asked me if he
could read it.

202
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:48,500
And I said no, like no, no, no,
we can read this, like I'm not

203
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:52,000
ready, I'm not ready for that
and then he gave me his card and

204
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,300
it turned out Now that he was
actually an advocate for suicide

205
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:58,800
prevention.
And you guys, you guys just

206
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:05,700
randomly start playing the seems
to happen to me quite a bit,

207
00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:07,700
actually.
Yeah, I think that I'll meet my

208
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,800
next Greatest Love on an
airplane because that's really

209
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,500
weird where the universe puts
people like this in our path.

210
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:16,000
Yeah.
So he even said to me, he asked

211
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,500
me, can I tell you my story,
right?

212
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,300
So, he was a suicide attempt
Survivor.

213
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:24,800
And I said, yes, of course, he
then, Shared his story with me

214
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:29,400
and graphic detail.
And at the end of his story, I'm

215
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:33,400
in tears and he says to me now,
can I read your book?

216
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:39,700
And I said, yes, but not just
because you attempted suicide

217
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:43,600
and survived, but because you
attempted in a way that it is a

218
00:11:43,608 --> 00:11:46,500
miracle, that you're alive, and
even more.

219
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:51,300
So because you attempted on
August 12 1978 which was the day

220
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,900
I was born.
Oh, wow.

221
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:57,900
Wow, okay, yeah, that's wild.
Yeah, that's not a signal from

222
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,100
the Universe, I don't know what
it is.

223
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,300
Right?
Right.

224
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:03,800
So yeah, so I sent him.
My book less than 24 hours

225
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,400
later, he called me back.
And he said, Jenny, you can't

226
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,400
keep this to yourself.
You have to share this with the

227
00:12:08,408 --> 00:12:09,900
world.
And so I'm sharing this story

228
00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:15,700
with you, because if I had told
you his story in graphic detail,

229
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,600
what purpose would that have
served.

230
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,400
So but the point was the
connection between us, right.

231
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,000
But there's a lot of people who
will get Shut up in the like I

232
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,500
need to tell you every detail.
So you understand how bad it was

233
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:30,500
the problem with that?
Not only are you potentially

234
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,500
causing pain for people around
you that you don't even realize

235
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:38,600
it, but you're reliving it.
And every time you relive, it,

236
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,800
it is putting you in a
compromised position to be in

237
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,100
that depth of pain.
Again, our mind actually doesn't

238
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:48,900
know the difference between
living it right now and reliving

239
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:51,800
it from a past experience.
When we tell it in graphic

240
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:55,300
detail, So, we want to be very
cautious of how we're sharing

241
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,300
our story.
And again, it doesn't matter if

242
00:12:57,300 --> 00:13:00,300
it was a suicide attempt.
If it is an assault of some

243
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:02,900
kind, one of the things that I
try to teach people a safe

244
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:06,600
messaging is, are you aware of
your own state of well-being?

245
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:11,300
Are you approaching this with
the idea of being able to share

246
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,700
with people what you learned
from it?

247
00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:15,900
Not just the experience just
like throw them?

248
00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:19,200
How did you grow and you're
touching on the what which I

249
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,700
think is really important.
But then there's also the how

250
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,300
and Love to hear your thoughts
about with social media.

251
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:28,400
I mean, I think it's a mixed
blessing because obviously it

252
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,700
gives a channel for people to
engage.

253
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:34,300
For me, personally, with
Instagram or Twitter, it's

254
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:37,600
exposed me to a lot of people
because as you and I have

255
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,900
discussed and I suffer from
bipolar disorder and I found an

256
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:43,100
amazing Community out there.
Whether it's through Twitter

257
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:45,800
spaces, or Instagram lives, or
even this podcast.

258
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:49,500
But then, the flip side of that,
is, it can quickly devolve into

259
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:53,400
what I call hyper pathologizing.
I don't want to trivialize or

260
00:13:53,408 --> 00:13:55,900
diminish anyone who's going
through this, but it is easy to

261
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,300
slip into.
That almost wallowing, you know,

262
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,800
where it's something you're
talking about.

263
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,000
The problem with out that path
to resolution, or that path.

264
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,100
You're never going to solve the
problem, but at least find a way

265
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,300
to as you alluded to live
through it.

266
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:12,000
You know, not just get over it,
tell me more about your thoughts

267
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,000
about social media and how it's
impacting the journey with

268
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,700
people either who are suffering
through the suicidal Journey,

269
00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:21,900
but also people their loved ones
and others around them.

270
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:25,700
It is Sweet on one hand.
It provides you this ability to

271
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:27,700
connect with other people and
feel like you're part of a

272
00:14:27,708 --> 00:14:29,700
community.
On the other hand I think it can

273
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:32,500
be very unhealthy when I wrote
about that in my book.

274
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:37,400
I personally, I can't spend time
on social media and it's hard

275
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,800
because it's like, I'm supposed
to be posting to social media

276
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:43,700
and sharing this message, but
and I do I try to put stuff out

277
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:46,300
there and I try to put real self
not just like look at me and

278
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,500
look how great my life is.
But I will also say yeah, this

279
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:53,600
is hard for me right now.
My focus is on how I'm Growing,

280
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,800
but if I'm being honest, this
kicked my ass, but yeah, you

281
00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:00,600
know, I try to be very real and
the fact is that I think that

282
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:04,000
there are a lot of Advocates,
are a lot of people out there

283
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,700
who are in positions of
authority, whether it's because

284
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,800
they're leading a business, a
church, maybe they're a leader

285
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,500
in the military or first
responder who don't feel that

286
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:17,400
they can be real about what
they're experiencing and they

287
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,900
keep that to themselves.
I do know that some hospitals

288
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:24,700
have created like anonymous Type
support groups and connections

289
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:28,400
for their doctors, to be able to
reach out for help, but it is a

290
00:15:28,408 --> 00:15:31,500
challenge.
And for me, you know, again, not

291
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:35,700
just within the world of mental
health, but I have a daughter

292
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:38,700
who was born with a rare
condition.

293
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,300
I remember in the, you know,
like the first ten years of her

294
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:45,200
life, I like I would meet one or
two people and those 10 years

295
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,200
that knew what this condition
was and we were fortunate to be

296
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,400
connected to one of the leading
specialist in Boston.

297
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:56,400
And that he took on her case and
so whenever we needed help, we

298
00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,000
would contact them.
But she was probably like, said

299
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,100
10 or 12 years old.
When I discovered that a

300
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:05,400
Facebook group had started that
was specifically about her

301
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:09,200
condition.
And I was so excited because I

302
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,900
was like, oh my God, I'm gonna
connect with other people and

303
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:17,200
when was this, this would have
been in like 2012 because this

304
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,100
after we moved to Memphis.
And so, I found this group and I

305
00:16:20,108 --> 00:16:22,800
was really excited until I
started realizing that most

306
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,000
People that were posting stuff
on there.

307
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,600
We're posting misinformation.
And so I found myself trying to

308
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:33,100
let people know, like, oh no,
like actually are specialists

309
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:34,800
in.
Boston, is saying you want to

310
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,300
try to avoid antibiotics or, you
know, like, there's these

311
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:42,000
different things that I'm trying
to share, and I was such a quiet

312
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,700
voice in that group, and I found
it so, overwhelming, and

313
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,100
heartbreaking.
Like when I have a hard time

314
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:51,500
with the work that I do.
It's not, because I'm engaging

315
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:52,800
with someone who's going through
a difficult.

316
00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,500
Time and they're sharing it with
me.

317
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:58,900
It's because I'm on social media
seeing quote-unquote experts and

318
00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:03,500
authorities in the field whether
it's lymphatic malformation or

319
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:07,099
mental health that are putting
information out there that I

320
00:17:07,099 --> 00:17:09,400
think is actually more harmful
than good.

321
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,400
That is what I struggle with.
Like that's that is what's

322
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,700
hardest for me.
And I am, I thought is oh my

323
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,500
gosh, if this is the best that
these people think they're ever

324
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,700
going to experience, or this is
the best advice they're ever

325
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:25,700
going to actually take.
N and process my heart is

326
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:26,900
breaking for them.
You know.

327
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:31,000
And for instance I've gone to
several events where it's for

328
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,900
suicide for survivors of suicide
loss and those meetings will

329
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:39,800
start by the person saying well,
as you know, you know, suicide

330
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,600
is the most painful experience
over go through and it's

331
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,700
something that you'll never get
over.

332
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,600
And I'm and I'm just going, it's
not a good message.

333
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:51,700
No, I'm it's like, you know, I'm
being punched in the gut when

334
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:54,800
someone says I and I'm I'm
looking around the room at all

335
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,600
of these people and I have very
high empathy.

336
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,000
Yeah, not only.
Am I looking around, I am

337
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:04,900
Fairfield anguish the Despair
and and I'm just going.

338
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:06,800
What did you just say?
Like, I don't know if these

339
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,400
people lost someone ten years
ago or ten days ago, but you

340
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,900
just basically told them they're
never going to get better.

341
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:16,200
And what I try to say is, what
you mentioned earlier is, I like

342
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,600
to say, it's not about getting
over it, it's about growing

343
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,400
through it.
And for me, for example, it took

344
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,600
me several, Years.
But with my dad's death, it is

345
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,900
one of the most painful
experiences I've ever been

346
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,300
through.
And yet, I can also tell you

347
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:33,600
that it is been one of the
greatest blessings of my life

348
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:39,400
because my dad's death saved my
life and I recognize that again,

349
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,100
it was, you know, probably 15
years after he died.

350
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,900
But it was this awareness that
his death is what introduced me

351
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:48,600
to holistic healing.
I began to worry.

352
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,300
I did want to touch on that, I
wanted to preface that and say

353
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:53,600
that with mental health in the
This country.

354
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,200
I think, you know, I've talked
to people in different countries

355
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,200
and I wouldn't say where the
leader of the pack, we have a

356
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,100
long ways to go.
We're better than other

357
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:04,700
countries, but by and large, I
think what is frustrating is

358
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:09,200
just that there is this very
one-dimensional view of mental

359
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,900
health, is that just using the
qualifier mental?

360
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:15,900
When you talk about health, I
think is very misleading, and

361
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:19,600
very disingenuous because it
introduces this false

362
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,500
compartmentalization about, you
know, this is the It's all in

363
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:26,600
your head you know septic tank
in an apartment building it's

364
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,100
not like if something happens to
it so I'm going to affect you at

365
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:32,100
wonder you know it's a whole
ecosystem, your whole body.

366
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:35,300
So I find it refreshing when I
encounter mental health

367
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:38,700
professionals like yourself who
are looking beyond the because

368
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:41,800
that's one of the themes of our
podcast is owning your own

369
00:19:41,808 --> 00:19:44,100
health, you know, just going
beyond the traditional

370
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,200
modalities of surgery
medication, and obviously when

371
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,200
it comes to mental health
cognitive therapy.

372
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,100
So I just wanted to say that,
you know, I do appreciate the

373
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:53,800
message.
You're Being out there and he's

374
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,100
not would like to turn it over
to you and just tell me more

375
00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:59,700
about your journey with the
mind-body connection and sort of

376
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:02,300
how you've optimized that
because I know you had gone

377
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:05,200
through quite a few health
challenges of your own physical

378
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,300
as well.
So if you can.

379
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,300
Yeah, yeah.
So, you know, even in the bayou,

380
00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:12,300
you mentioned that it was my
dad's death, that helped me to

381
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:15,600
understand mental health.
It was then going through my own

382
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,600
health challenges, it helped me
to understand wellness and

383
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:22,200
there's a difference.
And then it was almost losing my

384
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,000
daughter.
That helped me to shift again

385
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:30,500
from being focused on simply
Staying Alive, to really truly

386
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,500
living a life you love.
And yeah.

387
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:36,700
And so it's been all of those
experiences that helped me to

388
00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:39,200
recognize this holistic
approach.

389
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,400
Right?
And and as I mentioned, my dad's

390
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,600
death is what initially
introduced me to it.

391
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:47,000
So after he died, I began having
panic attacks.

392
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:52,400
My dad was my safe space growing
up, and he meant everything to

393
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,200
me.
And when he died, I did not know

394
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,500
how to function.
I mean, I could barely breathe

395
00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:00,100
for anybody, the age of 20.
I mean that's a very turbulent

396
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:03,800
time by nature but to compile
that with what you went through

397
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:04,700
most of them.
Yeah.

398
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:07,600
Cannabis yeah.
Yeah I know and this was the man

399
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,400
who had one of my values for
growing out of darkness is

400
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,900
called be the village and it's
inspired by my dad and what it

401
00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:16,800
means is that we have to
surround ourselves with people

402
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,700
who will push us past our
comfort zone encourages during

403
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:21,900
times of self-doubt, and loved
us.

404
00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:25,400
Even when we feel Unlovable and
we have to be willing to do that

405
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,400
for them as well.
And my dad is really who

406
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:32,500
instilled those beliefs and me.
And so when he died like I said

407
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,300
earlier, it just didn't make
sense.

408
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,500
This isn't who he was.
And so, yeah, the panic attacks

409
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:40,200
started, I had actually right
before my dad died.

410
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,600
I've been diagnosed with
amyotrophic of prolapse, which

411
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,300
is a heart condition.
So when I started having panic

412
00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:49,400
attacks, I didn't know what it
was and I was like, oh my gosh,

413
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,000
it's this heart thing that
they've just told me that I

414
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,900
have.
And but I was really fortunate

415
00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:58,400
because a classmate heard me
talking about the challenges I

416
00:21:58,408 --> 00:22:03,700
was facing and she is who pushed
me into doing acupuncture, what

417
00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:08,200
I ultimately discovered in
getting acupuncture was that it

418
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:12,800
not only alleviated my panic
attacks, but it actually gave me

419
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,500
a sense of calm that I had never
experienced in my life.

420
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,800
And, and for years, I just
relied on it without

421
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,300
understanding it, without
knowing anything about it.

422
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:25,200
I just Go.
He put the needles in me, you

423
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,800
know, sometimes, he'd give me
some herbs, but I just, I felt

424
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,500
balanced.
Yeah, I felt strong.

425
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:35,200
And then, in the way that I say,
that it saved my life was that

426
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,900
roughly five years after my dad
died, I had my first daughter

427
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:42,400
and even though I was a crisis
counselor and a public educator

428
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,600
on suicide prevention, I miss
all my own signs.

429
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,100
I was going through postpartum
depression.

430
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,700
I thought well this is just what
it is to be a new mom like I'm

431
00:22:50,700 --> 00:22:52,700
exhausted all the time.
I feel guilty.

432
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,600
Guilty all the time and I just
felt this heaviness.

433
00:22:55,700 --> 00:22:58,500
It's interesting.
How clinicians are usually the

434
00:22:58,500 --> 00:22:59,400
worst?
As they say?

435
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,000
The doctors are the worst
patients because it's almost

436
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,900
like they're immersed in that
24/7.

437
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,300
And then when they have to turn
the front of themselves, they

438
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:11,200
just missed the sign.
But I also think that part of it

439
00:23:11,208 --> 00:23:13,600
is because of the way, it's been
taught all these years.

440
00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:18,700
And instead of being taught to
be aware of my well-being of

441
00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:21,100
what it feels like for me to be
healthy.

442
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:25,400
And to recognize when I'm Going
to feel unhealthy that's not you

443
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,600
know even for me as an educator
on suicide prevention, that's

444
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,600
not what I was teaching people.
I was going out and following

445
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,700
the script of like, this is what
you look for.

446
00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:37,100
Well, when you talk about the
signs and symptoms that someone

447
00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:40,100
might be going through
depression or might be suicidal.

448
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,200
It's like, saying you might have
covid if there's a hundred

449
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:44,800
different things, you could be
looking at.

450
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,400
So it's not immediate.
I mean right now because we're

451
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,700
all recently, coming out of
covid.

452
00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:52,600
That's everyone's first thought.
Oh my God, I might have go.

453
00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:54,400
Bit.
But if you're going through all

454
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,200
these different symptoms and
what not your first thought

455
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,400
isn't like, oh this might be
depression, this this might be

456
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,500
that I'm actually suicidal, you
know, first of all your mind

457
00:24:03,500 --> 00:24:08,000
isn't working correctly and so
my husband came home and he

458
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:11,100
found me sitting in the dark
holding her daughter and he

459
00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:14,000
asked me what was going on
without even knowing that.

460
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,600
I was speaking.
I just said, I'm scared, I'm

461
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,900
going to die.
And that moment, my dad's death

462
00:24:19,900 --> 00:24:23,400
saved my life because my husband
had been there when my Died.

463
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:28,300
He recognized what I was saying?
He understood it and he

464
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:32,500
understood to take me serious.
He also knew that what helped me

465
00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:35,600
after my dad, died was
acupuncture and so in that

466
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:39,500
moment he didn't even miss a
beat and he said, let's get you

467
00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:42,200
back into acupuncture.
The other thing he did for me,

468
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,300
was he recognized?
I was not okay.

469
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,600
I was barely functioning the way
I described it as like, I had

470
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:51,200
two brains, I had my healthy
brain that would say Jenny get

471
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:52,600
out of bed.
Go brush your teeth.

472
00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:54,800
Teeth, eat food.
Take a shower.

473
00:24:55,600 --> 00:25:00,300
Then I had my unhealthy brain.
That was constantly telling me

474
00:25:00,300 --> 00:25:02,900
how I could die.
And eventually, what happened

475
00:25:02,900 --> 00:25:06,100
was my healthy brain became
quieter and quieter.

476
00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:09,000
And the only things that
mattered to my healthy brain was

477
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,500
take care of the baby.
So even when my doctor had given

478
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:15,000
me some medication at one point
for a sinus infection and she

479
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,100
said just put it right by your
toothbrush.

480
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,200
And when you brush your teeth in
the morning, take this

481
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,700
medication and I was like, oh my
god, do you think I brush my

482
00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:25,300
teeth every day?
I was barely functioning and so

483
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:29,500
my suicidal brain was continuing
to get louder and louder to the

484
00:25:29,500 --> 00:25:31,600
point that I was scared to go in
the kitchen.

485
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:33,600
I didn't want to be around
knives.

486
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,700
I was scared to drive my car
because I was afraid that I

487
00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:40,000
would drive it off a bridge.
I was scared to take a shower

488
00:25:40,100 --> 00:25:43,400
and that my Razor to shave my
legs, that that everything to

489
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,600
every represent a danger base,
everything represented danger.

490
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,800
And what I was afraid of was
myself.

491
00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:54,100
I mean, I was truly terrified of
Elf and that I was not in

492
00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:57,000
control and that I could die any
minute where you sort of, seeing

493
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,100
the writing on the wall, where
you think it because of what my

494
00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,700
father went through.
Maybe this is sort of like, no.

495
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,700
Oh, I didn't.
I mean, I was really not well

496
00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:08,000
and I wasn't connecting the
dots, and that's what I mean.

497
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,900
Like, when I said to my husband,
I'm scared.

498
00:26:10,900 --> 00:26:14,100
I'm going to die.
That was the first time that I

499
00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:18,500
had verbalized, or even
consciously been aware of what I

500
00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:20,500
was.
Experiencing it just was almost

501
00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:22,600
like, this movie was playing in
my head.

502
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,300
That was non-stop.
What are the things that I tell

503
00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:28,400
people is no one chooses to be
this way?

504
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:32,300
No one chooses to be a fight at
a certain point, though we have

505
00:26:32,300 --> 00:26:34,300
to fight for our life.
We love.

506
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:39,100
However, there are times when
we're so bad, we don't know how

507
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:42,700
I didn't know how, and I'm
fortunate that my husband was

508
00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:45,600
able to step in and say, this is
how I'm going to help you.

509
00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:47,900
I'm going to help pull you out
of this hole that you're in.

510
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,900
And that I didn't resist.
I didn't fight him.

511
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,800
I went along with him and I was
Scared and I was a basket case,

512
00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:58,800
and most people had no idea.
When my friends found out later

513
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,700
that I've been going through
this, they had no idea and it

514
00:27:02,700 --> 00:27:05,100
wasn't because I was trying to
hide it.

515
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,700
I wasn't conscious enough to be
able to hide.

516
00:27:07,700 --> 00:27:10,300
It's almost like I would go into
autopilot when I was around

517
00:27:10,300 --> 00:27:13,400
other people you bring up an
interesting point because I

518
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,200
think about celebrities these
days, you know, when you talk

519
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,400
about people like Anthony
Bourdain or Kate Spade or and

520
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,500
most recently it's a give
specific Stephen boss twitch.

521
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:26,000
Because they on the outside,
they appear to have it all, they

522
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,200
appear to have it figured out
there.

523
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,900
So positive, they just Inspire
so many people.

524
00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:33,000
And then, you know, one day they
end up taking their own life.

525
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,900
But it's very frustrating to me
as someone who's very passionate

526
00:27:36,900 --> 00:27:39,900
about mental health advocacy,
partly because of my lived

527
00:27:39,900 --> 00:27:43,000
experience, but also partly
because I see that there's so

528
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,000
much opportunity for change out
there.

529
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,600
It is frustrating, when mental
health becomes the cause du

530
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,700
jour, you know, after some
precipitating event like this,

531
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,500
there's a lot.
Of awareness.

532
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:56,000
You know, people are changing
their profile pictures, there's

533
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,600
hashtags Galore, and then, you
know, nothing.

534
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,900
But I think a lot of is because
people don't know what to do.

535
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,900
They honor it.
They recognizably like, man,

536
00:28:03,900 --> 00:28:06,700
this just happened, that really
sucked and my heart's breaking.

537
00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:11,100
When I when my daughter actually
called me and told me about

538
00:28:11,100 --> 00:28:13,700
twitch, we are huge.
So You Think You Can Dance fans

539
00:28:13,700 --> 00:28:17,000
in this house and he is one of
our all-time favorites and she

540
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:22,600
called me and told me and I just
cried I cried because this man,

541
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:26,000
like, you didn't have to know
him to feel his light and his

542
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,700
love, and this energy that he
brought into the world.

543
00:28:28,700 --> 00:28:32,500
And I had a lot of people reach
out to me saying, how Jenny help

544
00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:35,700
me understand this, this is
where I'm Different in the way

545
00:28:35,700 --> 00:28:38,300
that I approach this, as you
mentioned before, you know, just

546
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:40,300
simply calling it mental health,
isn't enough?

547
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,500
I call it mental health because
that's what people know, like,

548
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:45,000
oh, this is what she's going to
talk about.

549
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,800
It helps it helps anchor, the
the discussion, exactly.

550
00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:50,200
But I actually because of all of
the things that I've been

551
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:54,500
through, Losing my dad going
through my challenges and then

552
00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:58,700
also helping my daughter that
for me, it became, this is my

553
00:28:58,700 --> 00:29:02,000
human health and it's truly
understanding the connection

554
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,000
between our physical, mental,
and emotional health.

555
00:29:05,500 --> 00:29:07,500
And a lot of people will say,
oh, yeah, yeah, we've got to

556
00:29:07,508 --> 00:29:09,900
take a holistic approach.
We've got to be aware of that

557
00:29:09,900 --> 00:29:12,500
mind-body connection.
There's actually more to it than

558
00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:15,500
just that.
And what does that actually mean

559
00:29:15,900 --> 00:29:19,200
to the common everyday person
who's facing challenges or maybe

560
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,700
their child is facing
challenges.

561
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,800
Has, or if their spouse or their
sibling.

562
00:29:22,900 --> 00:29:26,000
What does it mean to take a
holistic approach or to look at

563
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,900
the connection?
And so, this is where I've

564
00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:30,100
actually broken it down.
And all of this will be in my

565
00:29:30,100 --> 00:29:33,900
next book where it shows, this
is what it means when we talk

566
00:29:33,900 --> 00:29:36,600
about our physical health.
And it's everything from our

567
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,700
experiences, good and bad, just
because we're talking about

568
00:29:39,700 --> 00:29:42,000
mental health, doesn't mean,
it's always the bad stuff.

569
00:29:42,100 --> 00:29:45,700
Our mental health is also how
how we're able to move through

570
00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:49,100
something, and it's our
resiliency, so we're looking at

571
00:29:49,100 --> 00:29:50,700
our physical experience.
Arf.

572
00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:56,100
Physical interaction for looking
at hormones and genetics and

573
00:29:56,100 --> 00:29:58,400
we're looking at the food, we're
eating the TV shows, were

574
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:01,000
watching the podcast were
listening to sure.

575
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:03,600
Those are all elements of our
physical health.

576
00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:06,800
Our mental health is the way we
think.

577
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,200
It's how we're processing
information and how we're

578
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,100
communicating it with other
people.

579
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,100
You know?
Do we process internally or

580
00:30:15,100 --> 00:30:18,400
externally?
It's also is our executive

581
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,200
functioning skills and I would
actually say Say that religion

582
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,800
and education.
Those are all those would fall

583
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,100
under our mental health, because
those are things that are taught

584
00:30:27,100 --> 00:30:29,200
to us.
It's again, it's about thought.

585
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:33,100
And then we have our emotional
health and this is where I think

586
00:30:33,100 --> 00:30:38,500
we lose a lot of great people is
due to a lack of recognition of

587
00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:41,600
how important it is to be in
tune with our emotional health.

588
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,200
And what I mean by that, isn't
simply like these are the

589
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,800
emotions I feel.
Let's, let's be aware of the

590
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,300
emotions.
I actually believe our emotions.

591
00:30:50,900 --> 00:30:53,300
Our souls way of communicating
to us.

592
00:30:53,900 --> 00:30:55,900
Letting us know, there's a
lesson here.

593
00:30:55,900 --> 00:30:58,400
There's something we need to be
aware of, you know, raise our

594
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,300
attention to, this is good or
this is, this is bad.

595
00:31:01,300 --> 00:31:04,200
This is healthy.
This is unhealthy, it is our

596
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,100
core values.
It is our natural talents.

597
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:10,200
It's our love languages.
These are the things that make

598
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:13,200
up our emotional health.
Those are just a few of them and

599
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,100
the list is much longer, but I
think one of the most important

600
00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:21,300
ones to look at is when we are
living out of alignment moment

601
00:31:21,300 --> 00:31:26,400
with our core values, it will
cause a disruption, because our

602
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,200
mental physical, and emotional
health are all connected.

603
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,600
When you, we have an imbalance
in any one of those systems, it

604
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,300
will cause an imbalance in the
others, and this is where it's

605
00:31:35,300 --> 00:31:38,200
nice to have this chart and look
at it and go, okay, I'm feeling

606
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,700
off.
This is not my normal behavior.

607
00:31:40,700 --> 00:31:43,600
I'm feeling off.
What do I need to look at to

608
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,000
see?
Where's the imbalance?

609
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,000
So where can I make tweaks?
And adjustments for me when I

610
00:31:48,008 --> 00:31:50,600
had postpartum depression, that
was easy.

611
00:31:50,900 --> 00:31:53,300
We knew I had just had a baby.
It was going through postpartum

612
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:55,600
depression.
We did acupuncture.

613
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:59,300
We did herbs.
We got all my hormones relined

614
00:31:59,300 --> 00:32:00,600
balanced.
I was good.

615
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,300
It took.
I mean it still took four to six

616
00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:07,300
months but it didn't just mask
my symptoms.

617
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:11,800
It is just hide it.
Like, it helped me rebalance and

618
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:14,200
to be so healthy.
That three years later, when I

619
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:18,300
had my second daughter, and my
doctor said, okay, you were

620
00:32:18,300 --> 00:32:20,900
suicidal with your first one.
You have to Go on

621
00:32:20,900 --> 00:32:24,500
antidepressants with your second
one because if you have it with

622
00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:28,400
your first it is it you will
have it with every pregnancy and

623
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:32,500
it will get worse each time.
And I said no that's that's like

624
00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:35,200
a predetermined.
Yeah, Pastor fising.

625
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:36,800
Yeah.
Because to put that into a

626
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,700
patient's mind as mine, but now
you've told them, this is what

627
00:32:40,700 --> 00:32:42,700
happen?
And so and our bodies.

628
00:32:42,700 --> 00:32:47,800
Listen, but I said no no and for
me look I'm not in the business

629
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,700
of telling anyone else how to
approach their work.

630
00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:53,400
This.
I mean, I like to share ideas.

631
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:58,600
I like to expose different
thoughts and practices, but it

632
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:03,100
isn't my role to say, this is
what you should do.

633
00:33:03,300 --> 00:33:07,500
But I'm often asked about
medication, and since I was just

634
00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:10,200
talking about with my doctor
that I refuse to take it, I have

635
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,600
never taken medication for any
of our mental health challenges

636
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:18,000
and I will not ever and that is
because I lost my dad while he

637
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:22,500
was on antidepressants.
I have to Siblings who attempted

638
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:26,300
while on antidepressants for me?
I know how sensitive my system

639
00:33:26,300 --> 00:33:31,400
is and if it says possible side
effect suicide it's not worth

640
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,500
it.
It's not worth it for me, you

641
00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:34,700
know?
But I do know there's other

642
00:33:34,700 --> 00:33:39,000
people who can go on a low dose
or on various things and it

643
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,700
helps them.
So, who am I to tell them not to

644
00:33:41,900 --> 00:33:43,600
about medication?
You've said that, you know,

645
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,100
that's not a route.
You're going to pursue to manage

646
00:33:46,100 --> 00:33:48,900
your mental health.
You alluded to acupuncture

647
00:33:48,900 --> 00:33:51,100
earlier.
I just want to learn Little bit

648
00:33:51,100 --> 00:33:54,200
more about some other strategy
to try because that is something

649
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,900
we talked about quite a bit on
this podcast.

650
00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:58,000
Yes.
So I think one of the, one of

651
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:03,500
the gifts that I have had has
been with my now, ex-husband,

652
00:34:03,900 --> 00:34:06,400
his job.
We were married for 21 years.

653
00:34:06,700 --> 00:34:10,600
And during that time, we lived
all over the country as well as

654
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,600
internationally.
So I was fortunate to be exposed

655
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,800
to several different modalities
of healing and just raising my

656
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:21,699
awareness to not only to Healing
after your struggling.

657
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,900
But again, this is where I say,
I really learned about Wellness.

658
00:34:24,900 --> 00:34:28,199
What are the steps I'm taking to
be well, and to know this is

659
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:30,199
what my body feels like when
it's healthy.

660
00:34:30,300 --> 00:34:32,400
And a lot of that had to do with
food.

661
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,300
Making sure that I'm eating
food.

662
00:34:34,300 --> 00:34:37,900
That's right for my body and not
just what's been said, this is

663
00:34:37,900 --> 00:34:40,800
what is healthy?
So for instance I can't eat

664
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:45,300
quinoa.
I cannot eat kale or chia seeds

665
00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:48,000
or flax seed like those are all
like super.

666
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:49,600
Those are like the best.
Yeah, the Superman.

667
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:56,900
When I, when I consume them, I
become an incredibly angry

668
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:01,100
agitated unhealthy person, but I
actually was diagnosed with

669
00:35:01,100 --> 00:35:05,300
leaky gut, and I guess it's like
around 2013 and having to go

670
00:35:05,300 --> 00:35:10,300
through an entire food shift.
And I literally ate for eight

671
00:35:10,300 --> 00:35:13,100
weeks.
All I ate was cooked orange and

672
00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:16,200
green vegetables, chicken broth
and coconut oil.

673
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:20,600
That's all I consumed to allow
my gut health to reset.

674
00:35:20,700 --> 00:35:24,400
Set and then I slowly introduce
food back into my diet and what

675
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:28,200
was really interesting was I
have a couple of food allergies.

676
00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:33,600
I am allergic to walnuts pecans
and corn but what was

677
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:37,800
interesting was after I started
to bring food back into my diet

678
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,100
and I thought, okay, I know what
to look for my face will turn

679
00:35:40,100 --> 00:35:42,800
red.
I'll swell, you know, all those

680
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:44,200
things.
My stomach will hurt.

681
00:35:44,300 --> 00:35:46,900
What was interesting was, I
didn't have the physical side

682
00:35:46,900 --> 00:35:48,800
effects.
I thought I would have, but I

683
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,300
would become angry or Are the
physical side effects.

684
00:35:52,300 --> 00:35:56,200
I'd have would be that like my
ears would literally hurt, you

685
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:57,800
know?
And I was just like oh my God

686
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:02,200
nobody talk no one talk like you
know like it just sound was

687
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,800
painful and so I started
becoming very in tune with the

688
00:36:05,808 --> 00:36:09,900
fact that food was affecting my
ability to feel good.

689
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,400
So that was a big piece but
then, you know, I have done

690
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,900
Reiki, and reflexology.
I learned a lot.

691
00:36:16,900 --> 00:36:19,800
I actually got certified and
Emotion Code by dr.

692
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:23,000
Bradley Nelson.
Even I have used emotional

693
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:27,000
Freedom technique, which is the
tapping method and I love it.

694
00:36:27,300 --> 00:36:32,000
Also letting go by dr.
David Hocking letting go and he

695
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,400
that's a phenomenal book.
It sounds like you've really

696
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,900
explored a lot of different
Avenues and which is like I

697
00:36:36,900 --> 00:36:40,300
said, that's refreshing because
I think as mental health

698
00:36:40,300 --> 00:36:42,900
professionals a lot of times
there's this script that you're

699
00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:46,400
sort of forced to read the party
line, and if you're just keeping

700
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,100
your hat on and not sort of
being a person, not seeing us,

701
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,200
It's more than just, what are
symptoms present than that's.

702
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,300
I just don't see the
effectiveness of that.

703
00:36:56,300 --> 00:37:00,800
So, my hats off to you for that,
I do want to ask you about

704
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,400
having been through this.
What would you say to parents

705
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,800
who are struggling with a child
in different stages of this

706
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,800
process?
But, you know, either a child

707
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:14,000
who is struggling with suicidal
thoughts or even, you know, as

708
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,700
may be attempted.
But also, just to take a more, I

709
00:37:17,700 --> 00:37:20,600
always go with the an ounce of
prevention is worth a pound of

710
00:37:20,700 --> 00:37:23,800
Of cure to help parents like
myself.

711
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:27,100
You know, I have a 19 year old
and a 15 year old and an

712
00:37:27,100 --> 00:37:29,900
eight-year-old, you know, how
can I do and nothing is going to

713
00:37:29,900 --> 00:37:32,600
be bulletproof, but what are
some strategies you could

714
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:36,300
recommend to a parent like
myself or somebody whose child

715
00:37:36,300 --> 00:37:39,600
is struggling with this type of
suicidal?

716
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:43,900
So first and foremost, regular
conversations, natural

717
00:37:43,900 --> 00:37:48,700
comfortable conversations about
everything everything from sex

718
00:37:48,700 --> 00:37:52,400
to alcohol to drugs to You
suicide, get part of your

719
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,800
regular routine.
And the reason this is important

720
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,900
is because when you have
children, I want to encourage

721
00:37:57,900 --> 00:38:01,100
you to use this language with
them and teach them to always be

722
00:38:01,100 --> 00:38:03,500
comfortable talking about these
things.

723
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,600
And if you teach them that from
a young age, they will always

724
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,400
come to you.
They will always come to you to

725
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,900
talk to you about anything and I
think there's some truth.

726
00:38:10,900 --> 00:38:13,000
I think there's a lot of Truth
in what she said, but there's

727
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,400
more to it because I did do
that.

728
00:38:15,500 --> 00:38:20,000
I always talk to my kids, openly
and candidly and we used terms

729
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,600
and You know, when we would
sometimes get really serious and

730
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,400
would sometimes laugh and yet my
own daughter went down this

731
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,900
path.
Yeah, a good relationship with

732
00:38:27,900 --> 00:38:30,700
your daughter is, right?
Like this Mission, like what did

733
00:38:30,700 --> 00:38:31,400
I do?
Wrong.

734
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:36,000
And but what I realized was once
things started to turn South

735
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:40,000
when things got hard, I was
focused on the problem and I was

736
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,100
approaching it from a place of
fear.

737
00:38:42,300 --> 00:38:45,800
I worked with so many different
people to help me to realize

738
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:49,700
that I had to shift the way I
was approaching her and I had to

739
00:38:49,700 --> 00:38:53,600
recognize That again, like I
said, earlier, it's not about

740
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,200
simply staying alive.
It's fighting for life.

741
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,800
You love.
And, and removing that fear.

742
00:38:58,900 --> 00:39:03,300
I learned ways to interact with
her and I said to her, I'm, you

743
00:39:03,300 --> 00:39:05,800
know, I'm no longer going to be
afraid to let you know that I

744
00:39:05,808 --> 00:39:08,200
love you to let you know that I
care.

745
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,700
I'm going to tell you, and one
of the things that I that I

746
00:39:11,700 --> 00:39:14,500
learned to do from a holistic
psychologist, was that whenever

747
00:39:14,500 --> 00:39:19,000
I would start to worry about
her, was to write her name down

748
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,000
at the top of piece of paper.
And then write all the things I

749
00:39:22,008 --> 00:39:24,700
love about her, write all the
things I appreciate.

750
00:39:24,700 --> 00:39:27,800
And that the more that I did
that the more I would create

751
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:29,800
that in her.
Because again, we're all made of

752
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,800
energy, right?
And I said earlier, I have high

753
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:37,100
empathy, so do both of my
daughters and this psychologists

754
00:39:37,100 --> 00:39:39,300
like that was her specialty was
working with people with high

755
00:39:39,300 --> 00:39:41,000
empathy.
Would you show her the paper

756
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:42,700
then?
No, that's why.

757
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,100
And yep.
And I was going to support

758
00:39:45,100 --> 00:39:47,900
groups and this is where I can
say support groups, just like

759
00:39:47,900 --> 00:39:50,500
social media are bittersweet
you.

760
00:39:50,700 --> 00:39:52,000
Connected.
You feel like you have this

761
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:56,700
place to go, but the danger is
that a lot of times when you go

762
00:39:56,700 --> 00:40:00,400
to a support crew, all the ends
up happening is venting people

763
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:01,500
go.
They vent.

764
00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:04,300
They and their just hashing out
like this went wrong, and this

765
00:40:04,300 --> 00:40:08,000
went wrong and, and, you know,
and this is how awful it all is.

766
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,400
And I get it because this is
what ask for things.

767
00:40:11,300 --> 00:40:13,200
Yeah.
But and I understand this is

768
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:16,200
your safe space where you can go
and do that, where you can go

769
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:20,000
and just let it all out.
But the unhealthy aspect of it

770
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:24,100
is if you Only stay there.
No no no path to resolution.

771
00:40:24,300 --> 00:40:26,900
And so, what this psychologist
taught me was when you go to

772
00:40:26,900 --> 00:40:30,100
that support group, you can
acknowledge, I went through

773
00:40:30,100 --> 00:40:32,300
these things, we had these
moments.

774
00:40:32,700 --> 00:40:35,400
This is where we're going now.
This is the direction we're

775
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,300
going in.
This is what we're focused on.

776
00:40:37,300 --> 00:40:38,800
We're focused on getting her
tutor.

777
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,800
We're focused on helping her to
find something, she loves

778
00:40:42,100 --> 00:40:45,900
recognizing the beautiful spirit
that's inside of her and talk

779
00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:49,100
about that more.
I want to see that part of her

780
00:40:49,100 --> 00:40:52,400
showing up every day.
And she had no idea that I was

781
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,500
even going to these meetings.
But it was interesting because I

782
00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:58,500
noticed like on the meetings
when I would go and just talk

783
00:40:58,500 --> 00:41:01,200
about how bad it was things only
got worse.

784
00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:03,200
Sure.
But the meetings where I went

785
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:05,700
and I talked about like yep, we
had these challenges but this is

786
00:41:05,700 --> 00:41:08,000
how we handled it and this is my
direction.

787
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,300
Like this is my desire that I
want to go in things got easier.

788
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,100
I think it's all about balance
to and you talked about this

789
00:41:14,100 --> 00:41:17,300
earlier, not just looking at the
bad things, but a lot of times

790
00:41:17,300 --> 00:41:21,300
when things do go well in our
life, there is a tendency See to

791
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,400
take this, it's almost like
extrapolate that into the future

792
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:28,200
and just assume it's going to be
steady state and then when

793
00:41:28,300 --> 00:41:32,300
things go south or things, pivot
or things change direction, then

794
00:41:32,300 --> 00:41:34,600
were crushed.
And so, that's what I think is

795
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,600
really important to was just and
teaching our kids that too.

796
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,700
And that's why that's why I was
talking about earlier with

797
00:41:39,700 --> 00:41:41,900
social media.
I do see a lot of kids who are

798
00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:45,700
so wedded to this and they're
just dopamine Junkies, you know,

799
00:41:45,700 --> 00:41:48,500
where it's just about the likes,
they're getting or going viral

800
00:41:48,500 --> 00:41:50,500
or whatever.
And then, when the algorithm,

801
00:41:50,700 --> 00:41:53,100
Some changes, or whatever,
whatever happens.

802
00:41:53,100 --> 00:41:56,600
And they're deprived of that
source of dopamine, that can be

803
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:59,400
very devastating.
So I think that as a parent,

804
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:03,000
it's incumbent upon us to teach
them that, it's not all roses.

805
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,900
But it's not only that video
with that to one of the greatest

806
00:42:06,900 --> 00:42:10,900
lessons that I learned was being
a source of stability for my

807
00:42:10,900 --> 00:42:14,000
kids, and part of being a source
of stability is taking

808
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:16,200
accountability and being able to
show them.

809
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:20,000
And to say, if you, if you
handle the situation poorly

810
00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:23,600
getting to know Argument with
them, you say something harsh or

811
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:26,000
they even see you interacting
with someone else that you go

812
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,900
when you own it and don't just
own it and make an excuse for it

813
00:42:29,900 --> 00:42:34,400
or say you know I yelled at you
but never you know what, I

814
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:38,800
yelled at you and I'm sorry
because no matter what you did,

815
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,900
I shouldn't do that.
And if I think I'm going to yell

816
00:42:40,900 --> 00:42:44,800
at you, I will walk away.
I will walk away to make sure

817
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,200
that I'm in control when I'm
interacting with you.

818
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,400
And so, for me, it's really in
the last.

819
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:54,300
Years like during covid in 2020,
is when I really got in tune

820
00:42:54,300 --> 00:42:58,500
with my values and I really
honed in on, what are my core

821
00:42:58,500 --> 00:43:00,900
values?
You know, that stability, peace,

822
00:43:00,900 --> 00:43:06,400
is founded in authenticity, and
transparency and honesty and

823
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,300
that's what I try to bring to my
kids every day and to let them

824
00:43:09,300 --> 00:43:10,800
know.
Like, oh, man, I just screwed

825
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:14,000
this up, right?
He's feeling, I screwed this up

826
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,300
and I'm gonna be real with them.
Yeah.

827
00:43:17,500 --> 00:43:21,900
The whole do as I say, not as I
do is not It is not an American

828
00:43:21,900 --> 00:43:24,200
hunting strategy.
I think we all grew up with that

829
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,200
kind of approach and it's not
very effective when I special

830
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,500
interacting with our kids and
they're going through a lot of

831
00:43:29,500 --> 00:43:32,900
changes and a lot of
insecurities and self-doubt is

832
00:43:32,900 --> 00:43:37,100
to, to not, take it personal
when they are upset, let them be

833
00:43:37,100 --> 00:43:38,600
upset.
In fact, you want to teach them

834
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:41,000
to express it and let them be
upset.

835
00:43:41,100 --> 00:43:43,600
Now later, you could talk to
them about more constructive

836
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:47,000
ways to express themselves, do
not wear in the moment of it

837
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,400
every month, I will be hosting.
You can go to the all the way.

838
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:55,400
Dot-com website, but I will be
hosting a free again, no strings

839
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:59,500
attached, free event, that is
called start the conversation

840
00:43:59,900 --> 00:44:02,700
where I talked about the three
factors that put someone to

841
00:44:02,700 --> 00:44:05,900
greatest risk for suicide.
How are we talking about this?

842
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,400
Just some basic fundamentals,
that, I think everyone should

843
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:11,700
have under their belt and then
15 minutes after that.

844
00:44:11,700 --> 00:44:15,500
And for anyone that wants to
attend, we also have a community

845
00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:19,200
conversation and every month
will be on different topics.

846
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,800
And I know one of the upcoming
Young ones is on how to talk to

847
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:24,900
our kids about difficult
subjects.

848
00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:27,000
Okay, great and that's all
virtual.

849
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,200
Then Yep.
They're all over zoom and

850
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:32,200
they're open free for anyone.
To attend know.

851
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:35,200
The title is podcast is untether
your life and that's very

852
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,500
relevant to our journey as
members of the South Asian

853
00:44:38,500 --> 00:44:42,900
diaspora as members of people
with struggling, my personal

854
00:44:42,900 --> 00:44:45,700
Journey with bipolar disorder,
breaking out of that.

855
00:44:45,700 --> 00:44:49,300
Definition of mental illness is
something to be embarrassed

856
00:44:49,300 --> 00:44:52,200
about or sign.
Weakness, just having more

857
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,800
conversations.
What is untethering your life?

858
00:44:55,100 --> 00:44:57,500
What does that meant for you in
your journey?

859
00:44:57,700 --> 00:45:01,100
And how would you suggest to
listeners, how they can untether

860
00:45:01,100 --> 00:45:04,500
their lives?
For me, what I would say is what

861
00:45:04,500 --> 00:45:06,800
comes me?
Every time you talk about it is

862
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:11,600
really embracing my fears 2022.
I declared was going to be the

863
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:14,400
year that I would experience
purpose, passion and pleasure

864
00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:16,700
because I was like, oh I've been
experiencing my purpose, and my

865
00:45:16,700 --> 00:45:18,800
passion for years, but a whole
lot of pain.

866
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:22,800
Yeah and you know, I agreed To a
divorce in 2020 after 21 years

867
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,800
of being married, all for the
right reasons, but it was still

868
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:28,200
hard.
It was so painful and so 2022.

869
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:31,500
I was like it's going to be all
about pleasure and what I

870
00:45:31,500 --> 00:45:37,100
realized was that to actually
experience true purpose passion

871
00:45:37,100 --> 00:45:43,200
and pleasure, it required me to
face my fears and push myself

872
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:47,300
past my comfort level and and to
go in directions that I normally

873
00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:49,800
would have been like, ooh, I'm
not so sure about that.

874
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:53,200
But to say you What I have the
opportunity to do it, I'm taking

875
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:54,600
it.
What's the worst?

876
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:58,600
That could happen and it was
just about embracing a whole new

877
00:45:58,900 --> 00:46:01,900
well not even embracing a whole
new me but allowing a part of me

878
00:46:01,900 --> 00:46:05,700
to come to the surface that I
had kept boxed in my whole life.

879
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,800
So that was your untethering.
I guess, you could say, for

880
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:12,100
people listening, what would you
tell their lives?

881
00:46:12,300 --> 00:46:15,600
I would say.
I'd it's not like I just one day

882
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,100
said, I'm going to face my
fears.

883
00:46:17,100 --> 00:46:20,400
I didn't realize I was doing it
but what allowed?

884
00:46:20,500 --> 00:46:26,500
Me to get to that point was a
really important question that I

885
00:46:26,500 --> 00:46:31,100
started asking myself in 2020,
which was knowing that I don't

886
00:46:31,100 --> 00:46:35,000
have control over the people
places or things.

887
00:46:35,700 --> 00:46:37,900
What do I want to experience in
this life?

888
00:46:38,100 --> 00:46:42,100
And it was really about honesty
and transparency being able to

889
00:46:42,100 --> 00:46:45,200
face adversity with dignity.
And Grace wasn't about having

890
00:46:45,500 --> 00:46:48,600
the million dollar house or the
perfect spouse and have control

891
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,100
over that.
But I could look at my Life and

892
00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:55,100
see am I experiencing laughter
am I experiencing peace and I

893
00:46:55,100 --> 00:46:58,200
would ask myself that question
every day and I would write down

894
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,900
the answer and I would look at
it more and more and go.

895
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,500
If I'm not experiencing it what
do I need to change?

896
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:05,100
Yeah.
Don't expect a big bang.

897
00:47:05,100 --> 00:47:08,500
I guess is that is to take away.
It's a gradual process of

898
00:47:08,500 --> 00:47:09,800
evolution.
Yeah.

899
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:12,200
For sure, Rome wasn't built in a
day as a saying.

900
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,700
Always ghost, Jenny has been a
great discussion.

901
00:47:14,700 --> 00:47:16,700
Where can people find you all
that?

902
00:47:16,700 --> 00:47:20,000
We are.com is probably the
easiest way to find me.

903
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:21,800
You should Be able to access
everything.

904
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:25,100
My social media, you can get to
the ground Darkness website from

905
00:47:25,100 --> 00:47:27,100
all the way.
Are you can request it for

906
00:47:27,100 --> 00:47:29,900
anyone listening please.
It's not simply for people

907
00:47:29,900 --> 00:47:33,000
who've lost someone to suicide
if I've heard from many people

908
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:35,900
who lost someone to cancer or a
car accident or just went

909
00:47:35,900 --> 00:47:38,800
through a trauma.
This book is about healing so

910
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:41,300
you don't have to have lost
someone to Suicide to request a

911
00:47:41,308 --> 00:47:42,500
copy.
Yeah.

912
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,200
Actually once we get off, I'm
going to go to the that foreman

913
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:48,700
and sign up myself, but thank
you so much Jenny.

914
00:47:48,700 --> 00:47:51,300
This was a great discussion and
I really I appreciate it.

915
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:56,800
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Thanks so much for listening and

916
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,800
I hope you enjoyed that episode
for more of these types of

917
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,000
conversations.
Please visit us at untether,

918
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:05,600
your life that Co you can also
find us on Instagram and

919
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:09,100
untether your life, as well as
on Apple Spotify and other

920
00:48:09,100 --> 00:48:11,600
platforms by searching for
untether, your life.

921
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,500
And if you did enjoy this
episode, please leave us a

922
00:48:14,508 --> 00:48:17,400
review or share it with someone
who might also benefit.

923
00:48:18,100 --> 00:48:20,400
Thanks.
And until the next time we meet

924
00:48:20,400 --> 00:47:56,800
stay untethered.
Thanks so much for listening and

925
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,800
I hope you enjoyed that episode
for more of these types of

926
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,000
conversations.
Please visit us at untether,

927
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:05,600
your life that Co you can also
find us on Instagram and

928
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:09,100
untether your life, as well as
on Apple Spotify and other

929
00:48:09,100 --> 00:48:11,600
platforms by searching for
untether, your life.

930
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,500
And if you did enjoy this
episode, please leave us a

931
00:48:14,508 --> 00:48:17,400
review or share it with someone
who might also benefit.

932
00:48:18,100 --> 00:48:20,400
Thanks.
And until the next time we meet

933
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:21,600
stay untethered.