61: Tanya Mitra - The Remixed Relationship, and Managing Mental Health in the South Asian Diaspora

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One of the ones are has on this
show, is own your own health,

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this is relatively easy to do in
a world with ubiquitous

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information at our fingertips.
What was it like to educate

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yourself about mental illness,
in the 90s, in the days of tile

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up and AOL CDs.
However, relations between black

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and South Asian communities
specifically romantic and

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marital relationships evolved
over the past 30 years and what

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is blind, Ian Bliss and how does
the founder of this program?

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Help fellow South Asian women
and relationships with.

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Black men, achieve quote
self-awareness, love

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heart-centered guidance.
And enjoy the best and most

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important ride of their lives.
Stay tuned.

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As we touch on these and many
other topics on this week's

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episode of untether your life.
Welcome to untether your life, a

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show that empowers you to own
your own health and break free

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of templates for managing
physical and mental wellness.

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And looks at Key issues,
impacting the South Asian

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diaspora.
I am your host a kilt or cigar

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and I'm passionate about power
of conversation to catalyze

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change.
We've examined, many issues

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impacting the South Asian
diaspora on the show, including

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mental health, career paths, and
ancient wisdom Traditions, like

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pranayama.
However, one topic we haven't

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touched on.
Is relations with other minority

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groups, a vital topic given that
minorities are projected to make

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up more than half of the US
population within the next two

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decades.
So I was very excited to connect

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on this week's episode with
Tanya Mithra.

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One of the most prominent voices
on the topic of blind, Ian or

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black and South Asian
relationships.

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Tanya is an Indian Canadian,
American former luxury fashion

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executive turned conscious
change life coach who works with

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women of color, and women of
immigrant descent to break the

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Cycles of limitation by
unpacking toxic cultural and

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societal conditioning.
Tanya is also the creator of

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blind and Bliss.
A group coaching program and

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community that supports South
Asian, women in relationship

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with a black partner.
We're struggling to navigate

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familial, and cultural
disapproval by learning to

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courageously and confident we
live in their truth.

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And with that, let's get
untethered.

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So Tanya, it's great to have you
on the show.

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Thanks, so much for having me.
I'm excited to be here and I

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kill.
Thanks again.

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Yeah, likewise My pleasure.
Can you tell us a little bit

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more about your background
beyond what I've shared?

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Sure, of course, I am an Indian
canadian-american.

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I was born in Toronto, Canada
raised by parents, who

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immigrated from Kolkata, India
and raised in the various

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diverse but also very Indian
cultural Centric household where

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our weekend's were filled with
family, friends, and Pooja has

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and events of that sort.
So I was very, you know, oh

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integrated into my Indian
culture, but many things just

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didn't fit, right?
Didn't feel aligned for me

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eventually, long story short, I
moved to New York to pursue a

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career in luxury fashion.
When I was 23 years old and

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never really looked back.
So, I spent about 19 years in

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New York about 18 of those in
luxury fashion.

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And really realized in the last
four or five years of my career,

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that the way I was serving into
the world and the things that I

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had fallen in love with about
fashion, we're no longer Aligned

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with, who I was becoming who I
was at all, being into being.

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And when I really started
thinking about how I wanted to

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sort of rebuild my, my life and
serve into my purpose.

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I really, I knew that I wanted
to work with women, women of

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color women of immigrant
descent, and I really wanted to

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help them navigate some of the
challenges that I had faced

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growing up that I didn't really
have the support and resource to

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help me.
And that is when I decided to

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become a life coach, but
certified, and last year, I

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started a program called Wendy
and Blades, which is

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specifically for South Asian
women who are dealing with the

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scrutiny.
The objection, the disapproval

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of their parents and family
members because they've chosen

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to be with a black partner,
which is my lived experience of

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27 years.
And you know, it really saddens

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me to see that that type of
thing is still going on in our

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community and I really wanted to
work with these women to help

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liberate them truly beyond their
relationship, but you know, help

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them really claim that
sovereignty and in Dependence to

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make choices that were aligned
with their true rather than

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somebody else's vision for what
they should be.

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As I said in the intro, I think
your story really aligns with

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what this podcast is all about,
which is untethering.

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Your life on so many different
levels because number one, you

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know, the menu of options.
I always elude to for South.

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Asians is doctor or engineer or
failure or lawyer interest liked

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in your Spurs there.
But, you know, you went into

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fashion.
So, obviously, that was a little

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bit off the beaten path if you
will.

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And then, you know, obviously in
terms of choice of life partner,

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I think we have evolved a bit, I
think in the last generation,

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but it is, it is disheartening
to see that.

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So many Indians are still in
this tunnel vision that, you

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know, you have to, you know,
pardon the pun but stay within

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the tribe as they say, right?
Which is just, and it's really

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unfortunate because finding
somebody from the same Village

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in India, doesn't necessarily
guarantee a life of happiness

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and conversely know, just
because somebody is from a

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Slightly, different cultural
background or socio-economic

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background.
Variety is the spice of life

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people should embrace that more.
And so, I really applaud you for

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getting out of that template on
on reading different levels.

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The other thing that really
resonated with me about your

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background, was your openness
and your willingness to discuss

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your journey with mental health.
What really caught my eye is

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that you really talked a lot
about positivity, you talk a lot

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about uplifting yourself and
conscious change which is very

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commendable but you're very
real.

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Well, because the other thing
that caught my eye on your

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Instagram page, I was a photo
that you had posted about, I

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think it was when you were in a
psychiatric facility but you

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also were doing a photoshoot at
the time that just really struck

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a chord with me.
And I thought about just this

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facade that we as South Asians
definitely put out there, which

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is just we have it all figured
out, you know, work going to the

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best business school.
We've got the best job.

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We've got a beautiful house but
were broken on the inside and so

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you've had quite a journey.
With mental health.

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So I would love it.
If you could just talk to us a

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little bit about your journey
with mental health.

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Some my, you know, my struggle
with mental health, had started

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quite a few years before I was
fully institutionalized that

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happened when I actually had my
21st birthday inside of the

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institution.
So I will never forget time

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flies how I went down.
But my my struggle with mental

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health started really in
childhood.

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So to give you a little bit of
context, I was born in the in

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1880.
So this was the 80s.

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I was skipped two grades.
So I started out sort of at an

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advantage, but also a deficit
and this is I think something

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really point to point out for
especially within our culture

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where it looks good from the
outside.

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I was five years old in the
second grade.

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What is more in Toronto?
G.

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Yeah, walk stability.
As you know, playing classical

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piano I was doing all the things
reading out like a sixth, grade

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level.
I was already, you know,

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bilingual all of the things but
to put a Who is socially and

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emotionally not able to be, you
know, to really rally with the

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seven-year-olds.
Sure.

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And really start together an
emotional social deficit and

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that and then you add the
cultural disconnect.

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Well, I mean I'm sure it was
diverse but at the end of the

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day, you know, you're in the
quote-unquote other category yet

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because it's quite a, I was the
little brown girl who wore

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glasses and had the, you know,
mushroom haircut, who you know,

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maybe sometimes smell like
Curry.

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I don't know, maybe I did, maybe
I didn't.

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But you know those were the
stereotypes kind of Bhutan.

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That's right.
And I lived in too many of them

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because that was actually my
truth and so I realize now

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looking back that that's really
when my mental health struggles

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started but you don't look at
seven year olds 10 year olds 12

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year olds and think that they're
struggling.

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Today we do a little bit
differently, we have a little

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bit more Grace with our
children, right?

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But in the 80s it was not a
thing and certainly not a thing

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that my parents were
investigating in are very

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traditional South Asian
household.

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So by the time I got to high
school, I had kind of blossomed

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and I was becoming much more who
I am now.

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I was still that little girl on
the inside who had been

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rejected, who have been bullied,
all of those things, and try to

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reconcile all of that along with
the cultural stuff that comes

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with being a third, right?
Being having a whole completely

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different life that goes on
behind the closed doors of your

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home language, food tradition.
Action all of that.

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Try to reconcile that with this
Persona of who I was becoming

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and blossoming into was really,
really hard for me.

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And I didn't have any support, I
didn't have any siblings, I

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didn't have anyone to really
talk to her, go to about it.

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And so, a lot of the pressure, I
think that parents put on us at

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South Asian children.
I am worked and I started

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putting that pressure on myself
to perform to be perfect to look

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a certain way to be a certain
way and by the time I got to

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college it was just Much too
meaty along with you know the

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trauma of my childhood that
other ring that always being

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left out the bullying and it
kind of just came to a head.

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So I was diagnosed with a few
things.

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The first time I was
hospitalized, I was diagnosed

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with major depression
eventually.

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I was diagnosed with borderline
personality disorder that came a

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little bit later, around 17 or
so 17 or 18 and eventually at 20

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turning 21.
I was institutionalized for my

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fourth.
I'd attempt.

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I was pretty serious about
wanting to end my life.

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It wasn't really a cry for help.
As you know, many people assume

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all the time, right?
I didn't know and I didn't have

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the tools the skills, the
resource to put all of the

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pieces of meat together and
stand in my truth confidently

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and courageously.
And so, you know, that

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experience has really informed
why?

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I do the work that I do now, but
yeah, on the outside, it looked

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great, right?
I was doing all the things I was

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supposed to do with that a top
business school.

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I was Great.
You know, amazing grades a

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physically, I had blossomed like
I said and so, you know, there

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was no, there was no area of my
life that didn't look good on

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paper.
Look picture-perfect.

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Yeah, but that I was so broken.
I was so fragmented internally

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and I just didn't know where to
go and how to manage it.

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And then in terms of on an
ongoing basis than Tonya, what?

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It's one of those things.
Obviously you know after you got

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done with college, then you went
on to a very successful career

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in fashion and now you have a
very successful life.

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A coaching business, tell me
more about mental health.

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How did you sort of strike a
balance?

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I talk a lot about mental
health.

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I struggle with bipolar
disorder, and I've had my

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challenges, and people ask me.
Oh, when did you?

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When did you get fixed or when
did you know it?

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And it just laugh because it's
not like this binary on off

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thing where it's like you
flipped the switch and voila

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people.
It's not anything malicious but

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there's this lack of insight
into the fact that managing

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mental health, it's a process.
It's not necessarily a phase.

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Seeing where it's like I was
crazy, you know, driveling like

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blah blah blah, and now all of a
sudden you know I got everything

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figured out, it's not like that.
It's an ongoing thing.

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I've had my journey.
I was in our facility as well

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and I found tools but I'd love
to hear more Tanya about your

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journey and sort of how you've
been able to manage it and

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become a very positive force in
this day and age.

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Well, I appreciate that.
Thank you early on, you know, I

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00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,800
was heavily medicated because
that was the answer to every

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00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,600
right.
You are diagnosed with major

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00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,100
depression.
Shinhwa, let's get you on

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00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:53,000
antidepressants.
There was a part of me that

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00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,400
wasn't just going to accept the
diagnosis that somebody else

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gave.
I actually started doing my own

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research into the my diagnosis
into the medication.

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That was be given to me
prescribed to me about other and

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you were and you were 20 at the
time.

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Correct 70?
Oh wow.

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00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,400
So this was pre Google, this was
pre WebMD and everything.

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It was pretty old.
I think we had the internet.

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Keep me, remember problems?
You've Got Mail.

239
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,700
Yeah.
Like whatever it was the dial

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00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,900
up, but no, I would actually go
to the library and read the

241
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books and you know, there's the
big.

242
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:31,500
I can't remember what it's
called now.

243
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But the big, the mental health
diagnosis.

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00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,800
Yes, M, yes!
Yes, sir.

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And so I would sit with these
books for hours and just read

246
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:43,600
and research my own diagnosis,
my own prescriptions other

247
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:47,000
mental health illnesses, our
afflictions that I was seeing

248
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,700
around me because when your
hospital Wise is not just you

249
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:54,100
it's many other people with many
other afflictions so people with

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00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:57,300
bipolar disorder people who are
struggling with schizophrenia

251
00:12:57,300 --> 00:13:00,800
people who were majorly
depressed then so I started

252
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doing my own homework and the
the medications I would get them

253
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,000
and then I would stop taking
them.

254
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Almost says it's test to see
what would happen because I knew

255
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:12,900
there was something inherently
in me.

256
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:16,800
That knew that Joy, the power of
my own mind, I could affect

257
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,000
change.
And now his I was Diagnosed with

258
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:23,700
something chemical, right?
So that's a different reality

259
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:27,100
and I don't want to speak too,
broadly saying that everybody

260
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,400
can manage their condition with
their minds.

261
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:33,000
I know that that's not the
truth, but my diagnosis were

262
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,100
major depression, where do I
personality disorder?

263
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,800
And the more research that I
did, the more I was like there

264
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,200
are resources and tools
available that I can maybe work

265
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:47,600
this out by working it out.
And so that was the beginning of

266
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,300
my own Wellness Journey.
You know, really early on at 17.

267
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,900
And to be honest, it was the
insular Journey.

268
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:57,100
There was nobody that I talked
to about this, not my community

269
00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:01,000
knows no message boards, or no,
and not even within my own

270
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,600
family, my parents certainly
didn't understand and they

271
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,000
wanted to.
But once again, you know, being

272
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:11,700
a South Asian descent, a lot of
it still was stigmatized or they

273
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,500
wanted to keep it behind closed
doors.

274
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:16,300
So, they didn't even know what
to tell other people write.

275
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:20,100
Like, they were just Mounds were
not resource with the Language

276
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,000
or the experience of what do I
tell other people.

277
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:27,100
So it was a very solitary
experience and one that I also

278
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,500
understood that my friends
couldn't understand it.

279
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:33,200
He said t at age 18 at age 19,
right?

280
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,600
They were out doing their own
thing while I was studying

281
00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:41,700
borderline personality disorder.
Like those discussions, I really

282
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:45,300
did this very privately and so
my Wellness Journey, like I

283
00:14:45,308 --> 00:14:48,600
said, start it done, but they
tried all the medications they

284
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,200
gave me.
Medications for psychosis.

285
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:55,300
They gave me a hallucinogens.
Like, I mean, they overmedicated

286
00:14:55,300 --> 00:15:00,100
me in so many ways that at
times, my condition would get

287
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:04,200
worse by the medication.
I mean, they would put me in

288
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,600
solitary rooms saying that I was
in psychosis.

289
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:13,000
When I was not, it was a really
exhausting and scary experience,

290
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,100
which is why I knew that I had
to take matters into my own

291
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:20,300
hands to some extent because I
was little, you know, 16 17, 18

292
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:23,900
year old girl that I felt like I
was just being sort of rallied

293
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:27,000
around everywhere, like, I was
just sort of being over to this

294
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,100
doctor.
What do you think?

295
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:31,100
It was just a lot of opinion,
and I didn't feel like anyone

296
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:35,600
was really digging into the root
of why I was struggling the way

297
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,200
I was, you know, one of the
other things we talked about is

298
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,300
owning your own health.
The you and I were talking

299
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:43,900
earlier on in the show about my
journey with my father-in-law

300
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:46,900
who won on force of recently
passed and I'm in the hospital.

301
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:50,300
I'm seeing that we are Are
really at the mercy of

302
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:53,800
healthcare providers, where we
just accept, whatever the doctor

303
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,900
says, is Gospel.
We don't probe more deeply.

304
00:15:56,900 --> 00:16:00,400
We don't dig further, we don't
ask the questions because you're

305
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,900
scared of ruffling feathers.
Or you know, we don't want to be

306
00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:07,900
that patient to who went to, you
know, University of Google right

307
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,500
to try to get all the answers,
what you're saying, resonates

308
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:15,600
with me because I had the issue
where it was like with bipolar

309
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,200
disorder.
A lot of patients, they only go

310
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,000
seek treatment.
Hit depression.

311
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:24,300
And so, my disorder was always
diagnosed as depression, which

312
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:27,900
the way it was treated, actually
exacerbated Mania and the

313
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:30,400
bipolar disorder.
So it's it's pretty impressive

314
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,100
that at an early age, you were
able to scrutinize and be a

315
00:16:33,108 --> 00:16:36,100
little bit more Curious.
You know, even with out the

316
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:38,700
resources without the
communities find a fight, the

317
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:43,000
system as a young person by
yourself, is really difficult,

318
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,900
right?
A lot of times doctors didn't

319
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:46,900
want to treat.
They didn't want a lot of

320
00:16:46,908 --> 00:16:48,900
doctors either one.
Didn't take me seriously.

321
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:52,000
The or to thought that that was
part of my borderline

322
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,800
personality aside and I'm like
no this is just who I am.

323
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,100
But like let's talk to me as
though.

324
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:01,000
I am who I am and then dig a
little bit deeper and I found

325
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,099
back then especially that that
was not so fast forward.

326
00:17:04,099 --> 00:17:06,700
Then I mean what is it?
You're doing these days that is

327
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,099
helping you sort of, you know,
be able to manage your mental

328
00:17:10,099 --> 00:17:11,900
health.
I definitely believe in the

329
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:14,800
power of the mind.
I definitely believe in the

330
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:18,000
power of reframing, beliefs
positive.

331
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:22,700
Self-talk, Framing situations as
circumstances and not assigning

332
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:26,500
good or bad to them until I
really evaluate them, you know,

333
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:31,800
I let myself feel feelings,
100%, but I don't sit and stew

334
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,300
in them for very long.
And what I've also made a very

335
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:39,300
sort of conscious decision about
in my life is to not ever play.

336
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:42,100
The victim.
Never never allowing myself to

337
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:46,000
be victimized by because I know
that it isn't within my control

338
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:48,900
to some extent to affect change
in my own life.

339
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,700
And that is why the possibility
to do so, right?

340
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:55,800
It's not, nobody is going to
care for me the way that I care

341
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,200
for myself.
And that was, you know, that was

342
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,800
another, you know, thing that I
had to learn along the way

343
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,700
because I don't think that that
message of self-love.

344
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:08,200
Self-care is really one that's
taught in our household in our

345
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,400
community, especially being of
South Asian descent.

346
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,800
We don't talk about internal
Wellness.

347
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:18,000
We talk about external access
and so I've stopped equating my

348
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,400
internal Wellness.
With any version external

349
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,800
success.
And that keeps me really

350
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,200
grounded and that keeps me able
to see things in my life through

351
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:31,500
a much your lens.
Which helps me manage any kind

352
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:34,200
of depressive stuff that might
come up, which really doesn't

353
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,800
vary much anymore.
You know, I will tell you very

354
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,600
transparently just a few weeks
ago.

355
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,100
I was struggling through
something that was going on in

356
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:45,400
my life and it was I could have
slid into a very dark place and

357
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,600
I had to make the decision.
Where am I going to go?

358
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:51,000
Where am I going to allow?
Myself to go and recognizing

359
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,400
that it's within my control to
make that choice.

360
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:59,000
So, I'm really very conscious
about how I choose to see things

361
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:04,100
how I choose to reframe things.
How I choose to move through the

362
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:07,400
choices that I make in my life,
and in the last five or six

363
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,300
years, I've only been making
choices that are really aligned

364
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:14,600
with my purpose and my mission
for self.

365
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,800
And I find that to be the thing
that brings the most energy to

366
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:24,200
my And to those around me, I've
abandoned certificate the care

367
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,500
for what other people think,
which I think is that really can

368
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,400
drive our mental health into a
negative space.

369
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,300
I don't live by anybody else's
rules.

370
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:35,500
So those are some of the things
that I do as well as meditation

371
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:38,800
and, you know, a morning,
practice journaling, really

372
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,300
investigating my thoughts and my
feelings, that helps me a lot as

373
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:43,600
well.
My morning practice helps me a

374
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,800
lot.
Yeah, I mean, that's what we

375
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:48,100
talked a lot about on this show
is just stepping back from the

376
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:51,300
here and now because It's so
easy in our hyperstimulated

377
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:53,100
world to just get bogged down
in.

378
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:56,600
How many likes we got on that
latest post or how many, how our

379
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,100
business is doing.
And it's just at the end of the

380
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:02,600
day, it's all illusion, it's all
just, you know, BS and we really

381
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:06,700
have to if we don't have that
happiness within then that's

382
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:09,800
just a never-ending, it's a
never-ending Chase, there's like

383
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,300
a dog chasing our tail then and
we're just going to, you know,

384
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,700
Drive ourselves into a very dark
place.

385
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:17,100
And so you know met, thank you
so much for that.

386
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:18,900
I mean, I think it's really
helpful.

387
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:22,400
To hear from others, South
Asians, who are coming forward

388
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,800
and sharing their stories about
mental health.

389
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,600
Now, I do want to, I don't know
if it's necessarily a pivot,

390
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,100
but, you know, Bill Indian
Bliss.

391
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:32,000
That is your coaching program.
Let's go through that.

392
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,700
If you could talk me through
maybe sort of the journey from,

393
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,800
I think you had mentioned that
you had your first black

394
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:43,600
boyfriend, like, 17, was it?
Yeah, and yeah, 16 or 17.

395
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:47,800
So, to go from that and to know
I mean unfortunately even in

396
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,700
this in this day and age,
There's still so much just so

397
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:53,100
much racism.
There's just so much just

398
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:56,100
ignorance in our culture about
as I said before.

399
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:59,100
Going outside of the tribe, has,
you know, of some fellow

400
00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:01,100
Indians?
I'd love to hear more.

401
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:05,100
Just about that Journey about
going from dating outside of

402
00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:08,800
Indian culture, as a teenager
and then, you know, sort of how

403
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:12,600
the journey informed the launch
of Bob Linde endless.

404
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:16,500
So I met my first boyfriend
ever, he was like really my

405
00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:20,200
boyfriend in driving school.
So there Very innocent the way

406
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,400
you would meet any first love,
right?

407
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,500
Like so we're never really
occurred to me that he was black

408
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:27,800
and that it was a problem, it
might be a problem, right?

409
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,700
It was, it was more so.
Oh my God, I like a boy, that's

410
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:33,500
going to be a problem, right?
Shooting was not talked about in

411
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,000
my house and I again was an only
child.

412
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,800
I'm a girl.
It was just not a topic that was

413
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:42,400
ever broached in the house.
I just kind of knew it was

414
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,500
off-limits and so, I did it in
secrecy.

415
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:48,400
Not because he was black.
But because I was dating

416
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,000
somebody Period, long story
short, my parents ended up,

417
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,700
finding out about him because he
was in my house hiding in the

418
00:21:55,700 --> 00:21:59,100
basement while my parents had
gone to see the movie Titanic.

419
00:21:59,300 --> 00:22:03,500
So this go well that's because I
don't like a 90s sitcom right

420
00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:04,400
now.
All over him.

421
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:06,800
That's not good.
Exactly.

422
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,100
So for the first, you know,
first little, while after they

423
00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:13,300
found out about him, it was sort
of equal parts.

424
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:17,100
The lying, the hiding, the
secrecy as well as he's black.

425
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:21,300
And so, once the Lying the
hiding the secrecy was

426
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:25,200
reconciled then it became okay.
Well and he and his wife so it

427
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:29,900
took a few years in those first
years after I met that

428
00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:32,300
boyfriend, I was with him for
three years so it was like the

429
00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:36,000
duration of our relationship
that it took my parents to sort

430
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:40,100
of break out of their own biases
and their own beliefs about not

431
00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:44,200
just black people, but about
being, and what this might look

432
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,800
like for.
I'm sure that maybe after that

433
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,800
relationship was over that, they
hoped that.

434
00:22:48,900 --> 00:22:52,700
Maybe then I would find a nice
Indian guy and do things the

435
00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:54,400
quote unquote, right way.
Right.

436
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,900
Or the way that all the template
are the script didn't think.

437
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:01,800
Honestly, I think by then they
kind of knew who I was.

438
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,000
Because remember, these are the
same years that I'm struggling

439
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,500
with mental health, these are
the same years that I'm yes,

440
00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:10,000
went to business school, but
knowing that I want to pursue a

441
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,700
career in fashion, you know,
there was a lot of dichotomy and

442
00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:16,200
like the way I was presented in
my life and my parents were the

443
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,800
only two people who are really
seeing all of those.

444
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,900
Parts of me and so I know it was
a struggle for that but really

445
00:23:22,900 --> 00:23:25,800
since that first boyfriend, I
have only ever dated and

446
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:30,500
partnered with black men and you
know, a lot of people might have

447
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:33,700
the opinion that that's Pious or
I haven't tried anything

448
00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:36,300
different and maybe I don't
know, there's a great Indian guy

449
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:39,400
out there but there have been
great black men out there for

450
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,900
me, right?
Who have align more with who I

451
00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:45,600
am and sort of the
non-traditional way that I have

452
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,800
chosen for many years to live my
life.

453
00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:53,400
That being said, You know, I got
married in 2010 to my ex-husband

454
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:57,200
and we had a son together in
2011 and that relationship

455
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,200
lasted from beginning to end
about 10 years.

456
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:05,300
So we met in 2018 got married
shortly after and, you know, we

457
00:24:05,300 --> 00:24:07,500
were doing things a very
non-traditional way.

458
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:12,700
He had two children from a prior
relationship and that was a hard

459
00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:16,600
thing for my parents to
understand travel became around

460
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,700
with that too.
So, you know, as I was growing

461
00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:21,400
up, Evolving.
So, were they, they were trying

462
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:26,500
to open their mind to new
possibilities, new options, new

463
00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:29,200
ways of seeing things, new ways
of saying people, so that

464
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,900
marriage did not last.
However, my parents didn't feel

465
00:24:32,900 --> 00:24:36,200
any way about it, you know, like
there's so much stigma in our in

466
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,300
our culture as well about
divorce.

467
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:42,100
Yeah it is easy to then say see
I told you so this is sort of

468
00:24:42,100 --> 00:24:45,000
the the story that you are just
if you're just married a nice

469
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,200
and the invoice.
This would have never happened.

470
00:24:48,900 --> 00:24:52,600
Also say that by that time, my
parents had seen marriages

471
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,700
between a nice indian girl, in
the nice Indian boy, fall apart

472
00:24:55,700 --> 00:24:58,100
to, right?
So you had lived enough life at

473
00:24:58,100 --> 00:25:02,500
that point to see that it really
didn't matter what the race was.

474
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:05,000
It was about two people.
Divorced, divorced knows, no

475
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,100
color color, right?
It was whether you're

476
00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:09,500
compatible, not, whether you're
growing and evolving together,

477
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:11,500
or not, right?
Whether your values are a wide

478
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:15,000
door.
So I re partnered in 2019 with

479
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,500
my current partner and we have a
three-year-old daughter.

480
00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:21,700
It's been a lot.
Different nuances of being in

481
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,800
biracial interracial entropy
relationships for me.

482
00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:28,100
And I understand how hard it can
be.

483
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:32,500
Last year, I shared my story, my
personal story on a platform on

484
00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:36,700
Instagram and I was blown away
by the amount of without the

485
00:25:36,708 --> 00:25:40,800
Asian women from all over the
world that reached out to me,

486
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:45,400
sharing their struggle, sharing
how hard it was for them to

487
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,300
either tell their parents or the
backlash.

488
00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:51,400
They were A saying from having
told their parents or that they

489
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,300
were living a complete double
life of secrecy because they

490
00:25:54,300 --> 00:25:56,600
were hiding their partner from
their parents.

491
00:25:56,900 --> 00:26:00,400
And it occurred to me that I
need to be the one to support

492
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:06,800
them through this very unique,
nuanced complicated Journey that

493
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,900
a lot of other people just can't
understand.

494
00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:13,200
And that is how blind Ian was
just born very organically and

495
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,700
it is you know, the most sort of
personal and passion driven work

496
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:18,500
that I do.
I do.

497
00:26:18,900 --> 00:26:21,900
The coach women of Colored Women
of immigrant descent as well.

498
00:26:22,100 --> 00:26:25,500
But blind and Bliss is, you
know, 100%, my lived experience.

499
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:29,400
And I know how much these women
are suffering and struggling

500
00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:33,700
just by virtue of the inherent
anti-blackness in our community.

501
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,200
And I want to be part of the
generation that affects change,

502
00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:39,800
that's so important.
I mean, the strength of

503
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,600
community really can't be
overstated you know?

504
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,500
And that's why with this
platform.

505
00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:48,600
There's a lot of people that
similar experience where once

506
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,200
you Share your story in your
open and You're vulnerable.

507
00:26:51,300 --> 00:26:54,400
There's a little bit of risk.
I mean, obviously especially in

508
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,800
a culture that's so
image-obsessed is Indians.

509
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,700
Are you are risking that coveted
seat at the country club?

510
00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:04,500
Or I don't know what at the
temple or whatever you're gonna

511
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,000
do, you define is as making it
right, and but there is real,

512
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:12,000
there is real power because I'm
sure you can relate their people

513
00:27:12,300 --> 00:27:15,100
who have come up to me and said,
you know, you're sharing your

514
00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:17,600
story.
I have a sibling who's

515
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:21,500
struggling with this or I
personally, you know, I've had

516
00:27:21,500 --> 00:27:23,800
this problem and I haven't been
able to put my finger on it.

517
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:28,100
So when we I think open up and
we sort of you know, show that

518
00:27:28,100 --> 00:27:31,200
we're not perfect and we show
our scars in our wounds, I

519
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,400
really think that it can have
that butterfly effect that can

520
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,600
be very therapeutic and that can
really make an impact on a

521
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,900
broader scale, you know, more
than any many words per se and

522
00:27:41,900 --> 00:27:44,400
you touched on.
I want to go into that a little

523
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,200
bit deeper know you touched on
the just a discrimination

524
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,700
towards Black people in Indian
culture.

525
00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:54,100
I don't know if you've seen his
it Hasan, Minaj, or he would

526
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,100
have you seen his stand-up?
I think he was talking about

527
00:27:57,100 --> 00:28:00,900
colorism in our culture, it's
just so ass-backwards.

528
00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:03,400
I mean, it's like, you know, I
don't know if, you know, if you

529
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,300
haven't looked at through here
lately, we're not white, right?

530
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:08,200
I mean, it's like we are of
color.

531
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,300
Yeah, and yet we have this, you
know, and even with that, within

532
00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:13,500
our own culture, it's just I
don't remember, I don't know if

533
00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:16,400
it was Dove but there was this
fair and lovely Campaign, which

534
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:20,200
really came under Fire where
it's just Equating light

535
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:24,100
complexion with Purity and
Beauty Etc, which I think is

536
00:28:24,100 --> 00:28:26,500
just complete bullshit.
I feel like the change is

537
00:28:26,500 --> 00:28:30,000
coming, but it's very slow and a
lot of times it is lip service

538
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:33,200
because it's so embedded in our
culture s.

539
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:37,200
I'd love to hear more from you
about what you've witnessed or

540
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,400
what you've experienced.
We talked a little bit about it

541
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,700
before the show, but tell me
more about, I'd love to hear

542
00:28:41,700 --> 00:28:45,900
your insights about how that has
changed over from your, you

543
00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:48,700
know, beginning in your journey
in that in the 90s.

544
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,100
To today.
If you see if you're seeing

545
00:28:51,100 --> 00:28:53,800
glimmers of Hope or is it still
pretty fit?

546
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,700
But we have a long ways to go
God.

547
00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:59,200
You know, I will tell you I was
really surprised that there

548
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,900
hasn't been as much change as I
would have expected.

549
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:06,100
So, you know, have by virtue of
me having, you know, face to

550
00:29:06,100 --> 00:29:10,300
those challenges, many years
ago, personally and moving to

551
00:29:10,300 --> 00:29:14,000
New York and living a very
different type of Lifestyle bear

552
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,500
International.
I worked in fashion that

553
00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:18,700
traveled, a lot, of course, I
need and listen, my children are

554
00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:22,500
Biracial their half-black and I
have Indian, my son is 11 years

555
00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:25,500
old.
So for 11 years, I've been even

556
00:29:25,500 --> 00:29:29,500
more hyper aware of the reality
of being black in this country,

557
00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:31,400
right?
So it's never been lost on me.

558
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,500
They anti-blackness that exist
in general, but to

559
00:29:34,500 --> 00:29:37,000
anti-blackness that exist in our
community.

560
00:29:37,100 --> 00:29:42,500
I didn't think was as rampant as
it still is and so, because I

561
00:29:42,508 --> 00:29:46,200
had been a little bit removed
from it, I guess I was leaning

562
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,700
into hope that it had just sort
of naturally.

563
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,700
Lee or yes because you are you
said you when you were in New

564
00:29:51,700 --> 00:29:54,800
York, it was like because it's
such a Cosmopolitan

565
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,400
Multicultural Society or because
of that.

566
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:01,400
Because time has passed because
we have the internet because we

567
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,800
are connected in a much more
Global way.

568
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:09,000
Because in India, they love
black culture and they, you know

569
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,700
what I mean?
But that's the main is, like,

570
00:30:11,700 --> 00:30:14,700
you love it for what it can
serve you, but when it gets too

571
00:30:14,700 --> 00:30:16,600
close, it gets too close.
Yeah.

572
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:18,700
When it gets in your house, very
nice.

573
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,900
Anything anywhere in your
vicinity, that's too close and

574
00:30:22,900 --> 00:30:25,800
then you start to see the truth
of people come out.

575
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:30,700
And so last year, when I shared
my story and had all of these,

576
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,700
all of this Outreach, I was a
little bit blown away.

577
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:38,400
I will admit that it was still,
so inherently ingrained into the

578
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,400
way that people were being
raised.

579
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,600
And, you know, the women that I
serve and when he and Bliss are

580
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,900
quite a bit younger than me,
they're in their 20s.

581
00:30:45,900 --> 00:30:48,600
Most of them and maybe early 30s
my most of them.

582
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:52,000
Are in their 20s.
So their parents are not that

583
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,700
much older than I am.
I will, you know?

584
00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:58,300
And I ask that question to all
of my clients, how old are your

585
00:30:58,300 --> 00:31:00,000
parents?
Because it gives me context

586
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,700
around Generation stuff and true
understanding where they sort of

587
00:31:04,700 --> 00:31:08,300
came into their experience.
It really informs a lot of their

588
00:31:08,300 --> 00:31:11,500
experience.
But I have seen that, you know,

589
00:31:11,700 --> 00:31:14,800
working with various clients,
various parts of the world.

590
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,200
It's pretty much just as
prevalent.

591
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:21,400
They anti-blackness as it was
When I was growing up and I will

592
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,800
say that I am more shocked that
it hasn't changed, then I would

593
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,200
have been if it had changed like
I was expecting.

594
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,800
Yeah.
And it shows up in, you know, so

595
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,400
many ways.
I mean, our media doesn't help.

596
00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:34,400
This is the thing, most of our
parents.

597
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:38,100
Most most South Asian Elders, do
not take the time to really

598
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,300
develop friendship with black
people.

599
00:31:40,300 --> 00:31:44,500
They don't integrate into other
communities and societies other

600
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:47,300
than really, the white Community
very simply.

601
00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:52,900
And so their information, Nation
is informed by external resource

602
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,600
rather than internal experience,
right?

603
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,600
They don't have the lived
experience of really

604
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,300
understanding Black Culture, the
black experience black history.

605
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:06,900
And I think also by virtue of us
being Brown and feeling like oh

606
00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:11,400
we're other two that we have
this, this idea that our

607
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:15,200
experience is similar to theirs.
And while we figured it out, we

608
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,600
came here with nothing.
We're all professionals, we've

609
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:21,400
all become doctors.
Real forgetting the deep and

610
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:25,100
dark history that exists
specially in this country, for

611
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,800
black Americans, right?
So that ignorance in the lack of

612
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:32,500
wanting to learn.
More is really what's hindering

613
00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:36,000
us from moving forward?
And I'm really hoping to break

614
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:40,300
some of those biases as we yeah,
with these women, I just did an

615
00:32:40,300 --> 00:32:42,700
interview with a gentleman named
Encore Varma.

616
00:32:42,700 --> 00:32:45,000
He's got a project called brown,
man, therapy.

617
00:32:45,100 --> 00:32:48,300
And we talked a lot on that.
Show about the model minority

618
00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:51,500
myth.
And patriarchy in our society

619
00:32:51,500 --> 00:32:54,800
where it's like, you know, we
are given this designation where

620
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,500
we are the quote-unquote, the
good minority that stays in our

621
00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:00,800
lane and we don't make any waves
etc, etc.

622
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,600
And you hit it on the head where
it's just like I don't want to

623
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,400
trivialize it, but it also it's
almost like a good pet, a pat on

624
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,300
the head.
You get a gold star whatever.

625
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:12,200
And yeah, I mean we are
sometimes forgetting that it is

626
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,100
the experience of black people
in this country is it's a very

627
00:33:15,100 --> 00:33:17,400
troubling Legacy.
Some of our most shameful

628
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:20,700
history in terms of how that
Group was treated over the years

629
00:33:20,700 --> 00:33:24,000
and I think through more of
discussion people sharing their

630
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:28,400
stories that gap between our two
cultures will hopefully start to

631
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,800
close up a little bit.
And I think one thing that's a

632
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,300
find, a very interesting is that
we have a vice president who is

633
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:39,700
black and Indian and still, it
just that was such a watershed

634
00:33:39,700 --> 00:33:41,800
moment when that election
happened, there was so much

635
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:45,600
celebration, but you don't hear
anything about, you know, you I

636
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,600
would expect those types of
event to catalyze change.

637
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,900
I don't no us.
If you had a lot of hopes when

638
00:33:50,900 --> 00:33:53,500
that happened, it seems like
it's just kind of been pushed

639
00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:55,700
under the rug, I don't know.
Yeah, your thoughts are but

640
00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:58,700
yeah, I would have to agree.
No, I was really excited,

641
00:33:58,700 --> 00:34:02,200
especially for my kids to have
an example of somebody in that

642
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,600
type of office, who were just
like that.

643
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:08,300
Because in what other experience
do my little children, get to

644
00:34:08,300 --> 00:34:10,500
see themselves fully
represented, right?

645
00:34:10,500 --> 00:34:12,900
They don't, they have to kind of
choose.

646
00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:15,500
There are black people that we
can look up to him and their

647
00:34:15,500 --> 00:34:18,400
Indian people that we can look
up to but, you know, Kamala

648
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,500
Harris.
Even has ended as and she's a

649
00:34:20,500 --> 00:34:22,300
woman.
You know, in that right there

650
00:34:22,300 --> 00:34:25,600
should have power.
Having both of their that, my

651
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:29,300
children ancestry like, was
really a beautiful moment.

652
00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:32,900
And I was hoping for more
dialogue about interracial

653
00:34:32,900 --> 00:34:38,900
Interfaith relations about anti
Blackness through the lens of

654
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,800
other communities, that are not
white, because when we talk

655
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,000
about anti-blackness, we talk
about it.

656
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:48,199
So often do the white ones, we
don't really address it through

657
00:34:48,199 --> 00:34:51,300
the lens of Asian people or
other people.

658
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:54,900
And so I was really hoping that
there would be more dialogue

659
00:34:54,900 --> 00:34:56,800
around that.
I mean, what I do think that,

660
00:34:56,900 --> 00:34:59,400
you know, has happened a little
bit more, is that celebration of

661
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:03,000
Indian culture which doesn't
really happen on that level as

662
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,300
much.
We're seeing a lot more Indian

663
00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:09,300
media attention media
representations him, the media

664
00:35:09,300 --> 00:35:13,400
is paying more attention to us
culturally but outside of that I

665
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,200
haven't seen much change.
Like I was hoping to see, you

666
00:35:16,207 --> 00:35:19,700
know they had a the Wally
celebration At the White House

667
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:22,600
and I was really hoping to see
her show up in something,

668
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:26,600
beautiful and Indian.
Sorry, yeah, of the culture and

669
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:31,700
she was there in her stance who
took the hint Chuck Taylors.

670
00:35:31,700 --> 00:35:35,400
No, that was for a vote.
Never but, you know, it just it

671
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:40,000
lost its impact a little bit me,
you know, I know that she does

672
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,800
what she says that she does
identify with both especially

673
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:47,500
having been raised by her mother
who is Indian, but I feel like

674
00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:50,800
there's a lot of white adjacent.
See there and not a lot of

675
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:55,300
adjacent seat to the South Asian
or the Black Culture as much.

676
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,400
And I think that that's the part
of that.

677
00:35:57,500 --> 00:36:01,100
Maybe we were hoping would be a
little bit different that isn't

678
00:36:01,100 --> 00:36:02,900
playing out quite the way, we at
home.

679
00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:04,800
Yeah.
I mean I I'm still holding out

680
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,200
hope and I mean I see it every
day.

681
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,800
Like I started this podcast a
little over a year ago and, you

682
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,200
know, I feel like, you know,
this discussion included.

683
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,000
I mean, I just feel like the
types of conversations that are

684
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:19,300
happening I think will spark
change, and it's One of those

685
00:36:19,300 --> 00:36:21,100
things, I don't know.
It's like the Tipping Point

686
00:36:21,100 --> 00:36:23,200
where there's no change for a
long time.

687
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,600
And then, all of a sudden,
crossing my fingers overnight,

688
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,600
maybe, maybe will, you know, our
kids will be inheriting a much

689
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:32,000
different world, you know, so we
can have to hold out hope.

690
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,200
But let's move on to the actual
program, blending and Bliss.

691
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,100
I love the title.
I feel it's very uplifting and

692
00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:41,800
it's very hopeful tell me more
about just the mechanics of the

693
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,400
program and you know how it
works for people who are

694
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,400
interested sir.
So we work with the course of 12

695
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:48,700
weeks.
And listen.

696
00:36:48,900 --> 00:36:52,000
Let him list, really isn't
about, you know, reconciling

697
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,200
your relationship, with your
parents, or them getting on

698
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,900
board and suddenly having a
change of heart, it's really

699
00:36:56,900 --> 00:37:02,500
finding your own personal Bliss
within the reality of your life,

700
00:37:02,700 --> 00:37:04,300
right?
Because that's sort of the thing

701
00:37:04,300 --> 00:37:06,600
that we've been talking about
this entire time, right?

702
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,800
Is about owning your own true,
being your own self Advocate

703
00:37:09,900 --> 00:37:13,200
about really being confident in
your own choices.

704
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,100
And that is the work we do in
the program.

705
00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:16,700
Yes.
Through the lens of being in a

706
00:37:16,707 --> 00:37:21,800
relationship with a black And
yes, we do work on a lot of

707
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,700
communication and things like
that with parents.

708
00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:27,800
But really, what we do is we
work through our own belief

709
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:31,000
systems, our own value system.
Then we really start to identify

710
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,300
what are ours and what our
there's it will have we just

711
00:37:34,300 --> 00:37:37,700
sort of absorbed from them
without questioning and does

712
00:37:37,700 --> 00:37:39,700
that align with who you really
are, who you want to be.

713
00:37:39,700 --> 00:37:43,400
Because just by virtue of
somebody choosing a black

714
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:47,700
partner, which is so far removed
from the expectation that our

715
00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:50,400
parents have for us.
Us says something about who they

716
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:51,900
are.
But you know, a lot of times

717
00:37:51,900 --> 00:37:54,800
they're not, they don't have the
courage to fully claim it.

718
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:59,900
And that's the work you do and
to really own your truth to live

719
00:37:59,900 --> 00:38:03,600
inside of your own belief
system, to really claim the

720
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,600
independence and sovereignty,
that is your right to create

721
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:10,900
boundaries around your own
emotional and mental Wellness,

722
00:38:11,100 --> 00:38:14,400
because there is so much impacts
that happens because of the

723
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,400
parents disapproval, because of
the parents objection, there's

724
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,300
gasoline going on there.
Shaming going on, there's

725
00:38:20,500 --> 00:38:23,800
projection going on.
There's you know, a lot of abuse

726
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,400
of language.
In some cases, there's physical

727
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,300
harm.
It gets really really serious.

728
00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:34,400
And so this is about this
program, really is about living

729
00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:39,200
in your own truth, really being
clear on who you are and how you

730
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:42,700
want to show up in the world in
your relief and far beyond.

731
00:38:42,700 --> 00:38:44,800
Because what we say in coaching
is how he do.

732
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,200
Want thing is, how you do
everything.

733
00:38:46,300 --> 00:38:50,000
So if you're showing up with
fear, if You're showing up in

734
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,700
shape, like you think that
you're doing something wrong,

735
00:38:52,700 --> 00:38:55,400
even though you've chosen this
thing but there's a part of you

736
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,900
that still thinks that you're
doing something wrong, that's

737
00:38:57,900 --> 00:38:59,500
how you're approaching 10 a
perm.

738
00:38:59,500 --> 00:39:02,400
Yeah, it's going to permeate to
the whole rest of the thing you

739
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:05,500
can't, you can't neatly
compartmentalize, you know?

740
00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:07,300
That's just it.
That's how you're showing up at

741
00:39:07,300 --> 00:39:10,000
your, at your job, right?
That's how you showing up in

742
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,600
your friendships and your
relationships.

743
00:39:11,700 --> 00:39:13,900
There's always a part of you
that's questioning that's

744
00:39:13,900 --> 00:39:18,500
looking for outside approval.
That's meeting a second opinion.

745
00:39:18,500 --> 00:39:21,400
So Validation, validation, all
of those things.

746
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,900
So those are really the pillars
that we work on in the program

747
00:39:24,900 --> 00:39:28,300
over the course of 12 weeks.
We also have like some South

748
00:39:28,300 --> 00:39:31,000
Asian sisters, come in, and
share their stories of linnaean

749
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,700
relationships.
Because I think it's important

750
00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:36,600
for us to hear different
iterations of this story where,

751
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:40,100
yes parents got on board or no
parents did it but I'm doing it

752
00:39:40,100 --> 00:39:42,700
anyway and I'm happy my choice,
right?

753
00:39:42,900 --> 00:39:47,700
So they're able to really learn
from other people's experiences

754
00:39:48,100 --> 00:39:50,800
and then they get A lot of just,
you know, this group that's

755
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:53,500
going through the program, right
now, we just started last week,

756
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:56,800
they're getting a lot of open
coaching because I'm recognizing

757
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,400
that this is really, this is
life coaching just in a

758
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,800
different format.
Is this like the second or third

759
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,300
cohort I guess your answer.
Was that their cohort going to

760
00:40:04,300 --> 00:40:05,200
it?
Oh wow.

761
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:08,100
Okay, and then I'm sorry to ask
this but when did you launch it

762
00:40:08,100 --> 00:40:12,900
again, how long ago was until
onset and April of last year, I

763
00:40:12,900 --> 00:40:15,900
shared my story.
I got all of this outpouring of

764
00:40:15,900 --> 00:40:18,100
like, I need help.
I'm, you know, all of this

765
00:40:18,100 --> 00:40:20,300
inquiry.
And you know, just almost like

766
00:40:20,300 --> 00:40:24,100
desperation at some level, you
know, for believe because there

767
00:40:24,100 --> 00:40:27,200
was nowhere for these women to
go, they had nowhere to go,

768
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:30,600
there are platforms on Instagram
and so on where they can see

769
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,800
themselves represented, but
there was nowhere for them to go

770
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:38,200
for support for guidance for
commuting.

771
00:40:38,700 --> 00:40:41,800
So, that's what I created and I
created it in a matter of six

772
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,700
weeks.
I put it together and I enrolled

773
00:40:43,700 --> 00:40:46,900
my first cohort and, you know,
we're just, we're going strong,

774
00:40:46,900 --> 00:40:49,800
I'm building more Community now.
Now which I think is something

775
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:54,300
that really is going to help
them find that resolve and that

776
00:40:54,300 --> 00:40:57,000
strength to keep going because,
you know, there's strength in

777
00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:00,200
numbers and if she found it, I
can do it too, right?

778
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:03,500
You gain confidence and you pull
that strength from each other.

779
00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:07,600
So, you know, I'm just really
working on trying to make this

780
00:41:07,700 --> 00:41:12,100
the strongest resource that it
can be to support as many women

781
00:41:12,100 --> 00:41:14,300
on this journey as possible.
Hmm.

782
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,300
And over the course it took you
said it's a 12-week program or

783
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:21,000
so you guys have like weekly
Workshops then or and that and

784
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,100
like, I'm assuming it's virtual
or you guys.

785
00:41:23,100 --> 00:41:25,900
Well, you actually have in
person as well or know.

786
00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:28,200
I'm assuming most people
probably come from all over the

787
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:29,700
country.
And yeah, yeah.

788
00:41:29,700 --> 00:41:34,500
So we have people in the US, the
UK, and even then in the wow.

789
00:41:34,500 --> 00:41:37,900
Okay, people oh, wow.
Staying in India for right now

790
00:41:37,900 --> 00:41:41,100
but, you know, has have studied
abroad and that's where they met

791
00:41:41,100 --> 00:41:42,800
their partner.
I'm really curious.

792
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:44,700
How is it being received in
India?

793
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,400
I mean, just because there's,
you know, we talked about in the

794
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,600
u.s. being in the Really in the
stone age's, in terms of

795
00:41:50,700 --> 00:41:52,900
Enlightenment in this regard but
I'm curious.

796
00:41:52,900 --> 00:41:56,700
How is it in India in terms of
like what you're seeing like and

797
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,400
how is it being received the
program?

798
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:02,300
So I Jessica doesn't roll my
first client who is currently in

799
00:42:02,300 --> 00:42:05,900
India, okay?
Instead I get is that it's still

800
00:42:05,900 --> 00:42:09,400
very deeply entrenched in our
culture there to receive even

801
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,600
more.
So that here I think here just

802
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:16,000
by virtue of seeing visually
seeing other interracial

803
00:42:16,100 --> 00:42:18,900
relations.
We don't necessarily want I'll

804
00:42:18,900 --> 00:42:22,300
accept it.
But yeah, it's not so foreign to

805
00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:25,200
us as it would be in India,
which is so very evil genius and

806
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,600
it's makeup.
So let you know the story is

807
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:30,100
relatively the same.
No matter what part of the world

808
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:33,500
I have heard from people, as far
as Australia, you know,

809
00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:37,000
struggling with the same sort of
reaction from their from their

810
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,600
parents.
So what we do is we work through

811
00:42:39,700 --> 00:42:44,200
over 12 weeks, we work through
six modules and so every other

812
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:48,200
week is a module, so that's more
learning and unpacking, you

813
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:52,000
know, sort of of esteem.
So for example, this week, we

814
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,200
actually tomorrow or session is
tomorrow will be learning about

815
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:58,200
our personal history and our
collectivist history, right?

816
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:02,100
So understanding the impact of
collectivism, understanding the

817
00:43:02,100 --> 00:43:05,600
impact or unpacking rather
really the our old belief

818
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:09,100
systems and biases and really
trying to unpack those of our

819
00:43:09,100 --> 00:43:11,300
parents or what we call her
objectors.

820
00:43:11,300 --> 00:43:14,300
Like anybody that's objecting to
our relationship because it's

821
00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:18,100
important for us to understand
where somebody else is coming

822
00:43:18,100 --> 00:43:20,200
from.
Because when we understand, you

823
00:43:20,207 --> 00:43:23,000
can also let it go.
So, when we understand it rather

824
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,700
than being resistant to it, just
simply understanding, you don't

825
00:43:26,700 --> 00:43:29,400
have to agree with it, but just
understanding it, which is the

826
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,000
thing that we're asking of that,
right?

827
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:34,700
We're asking them to understand
us and we has to be a two-way

828
00:43:34,700 --> 00:43:35,900
street.
Yeah, you kids.

829
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,100
So we do that and then the
following week is always a

830
00:43:39,100 --> 00:43:43,000
workshop based on that module.
So next week, we'll be doing

831
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:46,300
more of like the actual thought
work that is associated with

832
00:43:46,500 --> 00:43:48,500
evaluating your own beliefs
because you have to.

833
00:43:48,700 --> 00:43:52,400
We're your own biases before you
can expect anybody else to

834
00:43:52,500 --> 00:43:56,500
co-sign your relationship or
your choices, you have to clear,

835
00:43:56,500 --> 00:43:58,600
that doesn't mean that you have
to remove all of that, but you

836
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:01,800
have to accept bench, have them.
So that's the type of work that

837
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,500
we do.
And then we also do spotlights

838
00:44:04,500 --> 00:44:07,500
on the clients in the group
where they get, open coaching on

839
00:44:07,500 --> 00:44:09,200
anything that are struggling
with.

840
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:13,400
So not just from me, but by the
entire group, which is nice

841
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,000
because you get lots of
different perspectives and and

842
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,200
then mr.
Stories, like I mentioned, which

843
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,600
is Fan favorite.
They love having the other

844
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,600
Indian women come in and chop
wood.

845
00:44:22,700 --> 00:44:25,200
That sounds really great.
Really uplifting and I think

846
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:29,100
it's it's such a challenging
journey to go through and to try

847
00:44:29,100 --> 00:44:32,800
to do it alone as you can attest
to is can be really just

848
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:35,000
debilitating, you know?
So it's great that you're

849
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:38,400
providing that community and
that support, you know, there's

850
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,400
always a strength and numbers
for sure.

851
00:44:41,100 --> 00:44:45,200
In terms of success stories, is
there any you know, I'm sure we

852
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:48,400
would all like to say and they
all lived happily ever after and

853
00:44:48,700 --> 00:44:50,700
Who became the happy DC family
again.

854
00:44:50,700 --> 00:44:53,200
But that's not always the case
but you know, and it doesn't

855
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:55,600
necessarily have to be my
parents.

856
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,100
Welcome new back with loving
arms and because you mention

857
00:44:59,100 --> 00:45:01,400
that point, it's not always a
fairytale ending.

858
00:45:01,500 --> 00:45:03,800
There is that estrangement from
your parents?

859
00:45:04,100 --> 00:45:07,000
So I'd love to hear maybe if
there is one or, you know,

860
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,600
success story, you can point to
just it shows, you know, the

861
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:13,600
results that can happen when you
take this approach that you're

862
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:15,600
taking.
I mean, listen, the process

863
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,800
takes time and this is something
that I prepare my Before we even

864
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,500
jump into the program, like this
is this not going to be one

865
00:45:22,500 --> 00:45:26,000
conversation and then it's over
and everybody lives happily ever

866
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:27,600
after.
It is everyone's on board,

867
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,300
right?
This isn't, this is a process.

868
00:45:29,300 --> 00:45:33,800
It's a an evolution.
It requires a lot of Shifting of

869
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:38,500
beliefs and perspectives and
opinions and reconciling,

870
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,800
especially for the objectors.
What will other people think?

871
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:46,800
Like, there is a entire mindset
shift that needs to take place

872
00:45:46,900 --> 00:45:49,600
for the people who are objecting
to our Relationship.

873
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:55,400
So to me, the successes have
been clients who were living in

874
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:59,900
full secrecy hiding this entire
part of their life, finally able

875
00:45:59,900 --> 00:46:02,600
to have the courage to share
this part of himself.

876
00:46:02,900 --> 00:46:06,300
Yeah.
That to me is huge success,

877
00:46:06,300 --> 00:46:07,800
right?
But yeah, we'll leave them at

878
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:11,900
the anxiety of the lies and the
guilt and all of that, you know,

879
00:46:11,900 --> 00:46:14,800
that was affecting their mental
health and emotional Wellness.

880
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:19,200
I have another client who was
finally able months, She got

881
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:22,500
engaged to tell her parents that
she was engaged, right?

882
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:25,700
Like this was Nate, that was
weighing on her for so long.

883
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:29,400
So they knew about the
relationship, but they were not

884
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:31,000
know.
So they had they hadn't gotten

885
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,000
married there, Johnny, Rotten
engaged.

886
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,400
And so, the parents knew about
the relationship, but they

887
00:46:36,500 --> 00:46:39,700
weren't on board and they were,
you know, fully accepting.

888
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,500
So she was scared to tell them
that she and Boston engaged to

889
00:46:43,500 --> 00:46:45,700
she was continuing on with her
life.

890
00:46:45,700 --> 00:46:49,000
And so, to me that's a story,
right despite Her parents

891
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,500
disapproval.
She knew that this was the

892
00:46:51,500 --> 00:46:54,900
person that she wanted to spend
her life with or, you know, she

893
00:46:54,900 --> 00:46:59,700
wants to commit to in that way
and they went on to get engaged.

894
00:46:59,700 --> 00:47:01,900
And then she found the courage
to finally tell her parents.

895
00:47:01,900 --> 00:47:06,000
And now, there is a situation
where her sister was also

896
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,600
opposed to.
It is coming around and they're

897
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:11,100
starting to do things all
together with the sister's

898
00:47:11,100 --> 00:47:13,900
husband and her partner.
So, there's a Reconciliation

899
00:47:13,900 --> 00:47:17,800
happening, maybe not on the
parent level but on the sibling

900
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:21,600
level that is Help you know,
support the reconciliation with

901
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,200
the parents so those are some
examples.

902
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:28,300
Yeah it's all trade-offs I mean
because it's like there's at the

903
00:47:28,300 --> 00:47:31,700
end of the day I mean what I
found is just that if there is a

904
00:47:31,707 --> 00:47:35,700
relationship that is not serving
you and if it's causing

905
00:47:35,700 --> 00:47:39,000
disruption in your emotional, if
in your mental or physical

906
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:42,000
health, then unfortunately, you
know, that's just that's the way

907
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:46,000
the cookie crumbles you have to
if you're with a loving partner

908
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,600
and this is enriching your life
and Helping you be a best

909
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:52,200
version of yourself and
unfortunately, you know, your

910
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:55,200
parents aren't on board.
I hate to be so cynical and cold

911
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,000
about it.
But that them's the breaks,

912
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:58,600
right?
I mean, it's and it sounds like

913
00:47:58,600 --> 00:47:59,500
good.
Correct me if I'm wrong.

914
00:47:59,500 --> 00:48:01,700
Sometimes, that's something you
helped.

915
00:48:01,700 --> 00:48:04,700
Some of the participants
navigate to right, where it's

916
00:48:04,700 --> 00:48:08,700
like, don't always assume that
quote unquote success means that

917
00:48:08,700 --> 00:48:11,100
you have this amazing
relationship with your parents

918
00:48:11,100 --> 00:48:12,700
because that's not always
possible that, right?

919
00:48:12,700 --> 00:48:15,800
Not always possible.
And I will say again, that takes

920
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:19,600
time, there's never been an
occasion where Are you are

921
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:22,900
hiding something for years and
years and then you break it to

922
00:48:22,900 --> 00:48:24,700
them.
And it's just going to be

923
00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:28,000
accepted in that one
conversation with any, right?

924
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,000
If it was a career change,
especially something like

925
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:34,800
marriage and relationship with
just held in such high esteem in

926
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:36,100
our culture.
This oh, yeah.

927
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:39,500
Thing that our parents think is
like the ultimate thing that we

928
00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:42,900
all have to achieve and attain
is outside of our professional

929
00:48:42,900 --> 00:48:45,700
success is marriage.
That means we're successful.

930
00:48:45,900 --> 00:48:48,500
So now for bringing home,
somebody that looks completely

931
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,800
The opposite than what they
accept as being the right fit

932
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:55,600
the right partner then you know,
there's going to be some this

933
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,600
going to be some time that needs
to happen some conversation

934
00:48:58,700 --> 00:49:03,000
dialogue, some discomfort on
both at that is to be expected

935
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:06,400
and so that's what I prepare
them for is how are you going to

936
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:08,300
do this thing?
How are you going to live in

937
00:49:08,300 --> 00:49:10,800
your truth without their
approval?

938
00:49:10,900 --> 00:49:15,300
Their example is the cherry on
top should that relevant but we

939
00:49:15,300 --> 00:49:19,700
still have to learn to live Our
Truth outside of Anybody else's

940
00:49:19,700 --> 00:49:22,600
opinion of what we should or
should not be doing.

941
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:24,600
And that's really the work.
Yeah.

942
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,900
And I think that's what this
generation is coming to grips,

943
00:49:26,900 --> 00:49:29,100
more with its unprecedented,
really.

944
00:49:29,100 --> 00:49:32,300
I mean, I think breaking away
from the family because that,

945
00:49:32,300 --> 00:49:34,900
you know, be like you said, use
the word collectivist.

946
00:49:34,900 --> 00:49:37,600
We've always been such a
collectivist society where

947
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:40,700
family is everything but yeah,
navigating that is not.

948
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:42,100
I think the word is
discomforted.

949
00:49:42,100 --> 00:49:44,800
It doesn't always end up, you
know, with nice bow on top up.

950
00:49:44,900 --> 00:49:48,500
The one thing I always ask at
the end Tanya is as you know,

951
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,900
Oh, the title is podcast, is
untether your life.

952
00:49:50,900 --> 00:49:53,700
And so we've talked about the
theme of Breaking Free of

953
00:49:53,700 --> 00:49:56,800
templates and managing owning
your health, whether that and

954
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,900
managing your definitions of
success, where that's career or

955
00:49:59,900 --> 00:50:03,600
family or marriage, I'd like to
hear from you in terms of what

956
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:07,200
you would tell listeners about
how they can untether their life

957
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:10,100
based on your lived experience
and maybe some of the things

958
00:50:10,100 --> 00:50:12,300
we've touched on in this in this
discussion.

959
00:50:12,700 --> 00:50:15,400
I think that you know, until
during your life really just

960
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:18,500
means the things that we've been
saying claiming yourself.

961
00:50:18,700 --> 00:50:25,200
T really, really understanding
that you are a constant evolving

962
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:28,900
being and so the choices you
made yesterday, do not need to

963
00:50:28,900 --> 00:50:32,100
be the same choices that you
make today, you know, and being

964
00:50:32,100 --> 00:50:37,100
okay, with that being, okay, to
explore and to grow, and to

965
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:41,600
evolve and do new things because
that's truly what we become,

966
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:46,400
untethered to other people's
opinion to the standard to the

967
00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:48,800
Norms to tradition.
Right.

968
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:53,100
Like it is, it is well within
your right to create new

969
00:50:53,100 --> 00:50:55,100
versions.
You're going to ratios of that

970
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:59,200
for yourself for your family,
whatever that looks like to you.

971
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:00,900
Right?
There is no right or wrong way

972
00:51:00,900 --> 00:51:04,000
to live.
There is no right or or wrong

973
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,800
way to effect change, right?
Like whatever.

974
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:09,100
Feels right.
I think really leaning into your

975
00:51:09,100 --> 00:51:13,500
intuition, is that the way
forward into finding the

976
00:51:13,500 --> 00:51:16,200
strength and the courage and the
resolve to do that.

977
00:51:16,300 --> 00:51:20,100
But once you are able to do that
leaning in, And, and listening

978
00:51:20,500 --> 00:51:24,500
and following that instinct
rather than all of the outside

979
00:51:24,500 --> 00:51:28,500
noise, allows you to truly
become untethered, from whatever

980
00:51:28,700 --> 00:51:30,900
might be holding you back.
I couldn't agree more.

981
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,800
So, is there anything else you
want to touch on Tanya?

982
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,500
Before we before we wrap things
up?

983
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:39,100
The last thing really, I want to
say is we are responsible for

984
00:51:39,100 --> 00:51:41,200
our mental health journey and
our Wellness journey.

985
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:45,300
I think it's such an important
thing for us to recognize to

986
00:51:45,300 --> 00:51:48,400
stop resisting.
That we might need support.

987
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:52,300
To stop worrying about what
other people might think what

988
00:51:52,300 --> 00:51:56,300
are culturally has been passed
down to us to release themselves

989
00:51:56,300 --> 00:52:00,500
from that stigma because every
single one of us can benefit

990
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:04,300
from support, guidance,
whatever, iteration, whatever

991
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:07,700
that looks like we can all
benefit from it and it doesn't

992
00:52:07,700 --> 00:52:10,600
have to be forever.
Because eventually you do, learn

993
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:14,000
how to manage your own emotions
in your own Wellness.

994
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:18,200
You find the right fit for you
initially, we might need some

995
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,800
support.
May I think being okay with that

996
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:25,400
and finding peace within that is
so important, especially in our

997
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:27,700
Salvation community.
And I think that's changing the

998
00:52:27,700 --> 00:52:30,000
younger generation.
I think that they are speaking

999
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:34,400
much more candidly about mental
health and what struggles look

1000
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:37,300
like in that realm.
But, you know, there's still

1001
00:52:37,300 --> 00:52:40,700
this part, by car culture, that
stigmatizes it to the extent

1002
00:52:40,700 --> 00:52:44,100
that it might prevent us, from
seeking the support, in the

1003
00:52:44,100 --> 00:52:46,800
time.
That, so that's the last thing

1004
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:50,400
that I want to say, is that We
are the only ones who can affect

1005
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,700
that level of change in our own
lives and it's our

1006
00:52:52,700 --> 00:52:55,200
responsibility.
It's, we want to have happy

1007
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:59,300
healthy successful, fulfilled
Purpose, Driven lives that we

1008
00:52:59,300 --> 00:53:04,300
need to be in charge of our own
Wellness agree, 100% so cono.

1009
00:53:04,300 --> 00:53:07,300
Where can people find you if
they're looking to get in touch

1010
00:53:07,300 --> 00:53:07,700
with?
You?

1011
00:53:07,900 --> 00:53:11,900
Sure.
My website is www.tanahoy.com

1012
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:18,200
ITR a.com and I'm on Instagram
at Tanya Mitra coaching.

1013
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:22,300
And also, at blendy invoice.
Those are the best ways to find,

1014
00:53:22,300 --> 00:53:24,100
okay?
So you have an Instagram feed as

1015
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,800
blind, Ian was so surprised when
he was as well.

1016
00:53:26,900 --> 00:53:29,100
So Tanya, this was a great
discussion, I really enjoyed

1017
00:53:29,100 --> 00:53:32,100
speaking with you and I'm sure
this will resonate with a lot of

1018
00:53:32,100 --> 00:53:35,800
our listeners on many levels.
So wanted to say, Tanya thanks

1019
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:37,900
again for coming on to untether
your life.

1020
00:53:38,100 --> 00:53:39,400
Thank you so much for having me
to kill.

1021
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:41,100
This is great.
I had a really great time.

1022
00:53:41,100 --> 00:53:44,500
Thanks.
Thanks so much for listening and

1023
00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:47,600
I hope you enjoyed that episode
four more of these types of

1024
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:49,800
conversations.
Please visit us at untether,

1025
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:53,400
your life that Co you can also
find us on Instagram and

1026
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:56,900
untether your life, as well as
on Apple Spotify and other

1027
00:53:56,900 --> 00:53:59,400
platforms by searching for
untether, your life.

1028
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:02,300
And if you did enjoy this
episode, please leave us a

1029
00:54:02,308 --> 00:54:05,100
review or share it with someone
who might also benefit.

1030
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,100
Thanks.
And until the next time we meet

1031
00:54:08,100 --> 00:53:44,500
stay untethered.
Thanks so much for listening and

1032
00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:47,600
I hope you enjoyed that episode
four more of these types of

1033
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:49,800
conversations.
Please visit us at untether,

1034
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:53,400
your life that Co you can also
find us on Instagram and

1035
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:56,900
untether your life, as well as
on Apple Spotify and other

1036
00:53:56,900 --> 00:53:59,400
platforms by searching for
untether, your life.

1037
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:02,300
And if you did enjoy this
episode, please leave us a

1038
00:54:02,308 --> 00:54:05,100
review or share it with someone
who might also benefit.

1039
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,100
Thanks.
And until the next time we meet

1040
00:54:08,100 --> 00:54:09,300
stay untethered.