62: Dr. Nilesh Satguru - The Science of Compassion and Self-Mastery Coaching

1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,160
What are the scientifically
proven benefits of compassion?

2
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:06,760
Can it really serve as a wonder
pill that is in some ways more

3
00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:08,560
powerful than some
pharmaceuticals?

4
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,520
How can the?
Challenges of the Western

5
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,480
healthcare system inspire
doctors and patients to embrace

6
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,160
more holistic modalities to give
us insight into how, as the

7
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,280
famous book title states, the
body keeps the Score.

8
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:25,000
And what can the Lotus Flower,
which thrives in mud, teach us

9
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,400
about the power of resilience
through adverse circumstances?

10
00:00:28,990 --> 00:00:31,550
Stay tuned as we touch on these
and many other topics on this

11
00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:33,350
week's episode of Untether Your
Life.

12
00:00:42,630 --> 00:00:45,510
Welcome to Untether Your Life, a
show that empowers you to own

13
00:00:45,510 --> 00:00:47,830
your own health and break free
of templates for managing

14
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:50,670
physical and mental Wellness,
and looks at key issues

15
00:00:50,670 --> 00:00:52,550
impacting the South Asian
diaspora.

16
00:00:52,990 --> 00:00:55,350
I am your host, Nikhil Torres
Akar, and I'm passionate about

17
00:00:55,350 --> 00:00:57,670
the power of conversation to
catalyze change.

18
00:00:58,730 --> 00:01:02,450
Today's guest doctor Nilesh
Satguru really ticks off all the

19
00:01:02,450 --> 00:01:04,650
boxes of the mission of untether
your life.

20
00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:08,610
His unique journey is sure to
inspire S Asians who are looking

21
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:11,250
to shake up traditional
definitions of success,

22
00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:13,410
especially in the realm of
healthcare.

23
00:01:14,570 --> 00:01:17,890
Doctor Nilesh Satguru is a self
mastery coach, compassion

24
00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:21,850
expert, and medical doctor.
After over a decade practicing

25
00:01:21,850 --> 00:01:25,250
medicine, Nilesh now coaches
entrepreneurs with powerful

26
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:27,840
missions.
His client list includes 7

27
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:32,000
figure serial entrepreneurs, ex
athletes, authors, executive

28
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,320
coaches and award-winning
charity founders.

29
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,840
Nilesh is the founder of a
community called Compassion

30
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:41,280
Mastery, whose purpose is to
create and elevate compassionate

31
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,880
entrepreneurs.
His work has been featured in

32
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:47,320
multiple magazines including
Entrepreneur and he was recently

33
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:51,160
named by LA Weekly as one of the
quote 10 leading coaches to

34
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:54,790
watch in 2023.
And with that, let's get

35
00:01:54,790 --> 00:01:57,070
untethered.
So, Neely, I feel like that's a

36
00:01:57,070 --> 00:01:59,470
high level overview because
there's so much more that you've

37
00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:02,350
accomplished and done.
So if there's anything else you

38
00:02:02,350 --> 00:02:04,910
want to add, yeah, on what I
just shared with the audience.

39
00:02:05,070 --> 00:02:07,470
You know, well, I'll add
something that I learned from

40
00:02:07,470 --> 00:02:11,310
from my coach is that that's the
official bio and but the real

41
00:02:11,310 --> 00:02:15,310
bio is that I've had a lot of
struggles and setbacks.

42
00:02:15,430 --> 00:02:20,120
I've had times when I suffered.
With self blame and judgment

43
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,640
from patient complaints and
didn't know if I was going to be

44
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,920
a good doctor.
I had challenges with my

45
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:28,880
father's health and we lost my
father just last year with the

46
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,680
South Asian community.
No chronic illness is a big

47
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,680
thing and so there's an
unofficial part of this that

48
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,960
I've struggled with a lot of
things and you may see something

49
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,450
out externally.
Actually, it's it's something

50
00:02:40,450 --> 00:02:41,970
completely different that's gone
on.

51
00:02:41,970 --> 00:02:43,530
There's a journey that's gone
behind that.

52
00:02:43,610 --> 00:02:46,090
I'd be happy to live in all
those stories this time goes on.

53
00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:49,010
Yeah, absolutely.
There's always the press release

54
00:02:49,010 --> 00:02:51,690
version of our reality, which is
beautiful, and all your

55
00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:53,770
accolades and accomplishments.
And then there's the.

56
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,200
Muddier reality, which that's
what this program is all about,

57
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,160
is just trying to reconcile
those two.

58
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,320
And one of the words that
obviously plays very heavily in

59
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:06,080
your brand is compassion.
So I would love to dive in if we

60
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,800
could just talk about that,
about compassion and sort of

61
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:12,000
your viewpoint and how it plays
in your services and your

62
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,440
journey.
So the traditional definition,

63
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,800
if you like, the Buddhist
definition, which is where a lot

64
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,840
of the compassion literature and
research began, is compassion is

65
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,400
showing an awareness of
suffering.

66
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,680
And taking action to relieve
that suffering.

67
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,760
But personally, I love to use
this analogy and that's that

68
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,120
compassion is a bridge.
And that is all tool for

69
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,920
connection from our subconscious
to our conscious, from the

70
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:37,760
negative to the positive, with
our past to the present to the

71
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,200
future.
It's our true essence and

72
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,560
authenticity.
It allows us to access who we

73
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,840
really are.
And it's something that's been

74
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,400
innate in every single one of
us.

75
00:03:48,930 --> 00:03:50,090
Just think about it for a
minute.

76
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:55,010
If your mother or your caregiver
had no compassion, you wouldn't

77
00:03:55,010 --> 00:03:57,050
be here.
So it is really inbuilt into our

78
00:03:57,050 --> 00:03:59,810
biology and our DNA.
The other really important

79
00:03:59,810 --> 00:04:02,010
message about compassion I would
like to share with you guys

80
00:04:02,010 --> 00:04:04,570
today is that compassion doesn't
always have to be about

81
00:04:04,570 --> 00:04:06,810
suffering.
It's also the bridge between

82
00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:10,130
awareness and action.
So it's also the bridge for

83
00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:13,290
potential and true success and
fulfillment.

84
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,450
It's not just about suffering,
it's about mastery too.

85
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:16,170
So it's.
Beautiful.

86
00:04:16,209 --> 00:04:17,850
Now I love the way you've
captured that.

87
00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:20,050
So you.
Traveled a lot of different

88
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:22,330
paths.
You've worn a lot of different

89
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,050
hats.
Whatever the metaphors you want

90
00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:26,970
to use, you've definitely done
so many amazing things in your

91
00:04:26,970 --> 00:04:29,570
life, Neelish.
And right now, I guess the term

92
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,770
would be life coach.
Would you say that's an accurate

93
00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:34,250
statement, life coach?
Yeah, as many people know,

94
00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:37,050
identity is a big thing I speak
about and I try not to get

95
00:04:37,090 --> 00:04:40,010
attached to any identities.
I mean what the reason why I

96
00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:43,730
probably don't identify with
life coach is because something

97
00:04:43,730 --> 00:04:46,840
a lot deeper and.
That that I did it.

98
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:49,720
Traditionally I trained as a
high performance coach.

99
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,200
Essentially that is about human
flourishing.

100
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,560
That's based on data.
But now I like to go even deeper

101
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,280
and say it's Self Mastery coach,
which is 3 things.

102
00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:03,680
Self Mastery #1 is the
fulfillment of meaningful goals

103
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:07,160
or projects with ease.
This is really important.

104
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,720
We'll come back to this point
#2.

105
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,640
It's the expansion of who you
really are, your character.

106
00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:16,620
Which is what our soul is always
here to do, to grow and expand.

107
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:20,060
And then the Third Point is more
aligned with my high performance

108
00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:21,500
work.
It's the commitment to the

109
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:24,940
disciplines that we know create
human flourishing.

110
00:05:25,340 --> 00:05:29,060
So a life coach for me slightly
devalues, I think some of the

111
00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:31,940
work because people the
traditional life coaching model,

112
00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:34,580
not that I have anything wrong
with it, has its place.

113
00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:36,660
You know, you turn up, you say
how is your week?

114
00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:38,340
You say great.
What kind of challenges and

115
00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:41,060
struggles did you go through?
How can we help you overcome

116
00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:43,480
those?
And sometimes there aren't clear

117
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,080
outcomes or evidence based
behind it.

118
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,800
And so I've kind of taken the
the best of the structure from

119
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,280
the High Performance Institute
where I studied.

120
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:56,280
And then I've also brought in
some fluidity of life coaching

121
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,720
work as well.
So it's both.

122
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:58,560
Right.
Yeah.

123
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,400
So I wanted to just put that out
there, just so to make sure that

124
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,800
I understand sort of where you
are in your journey, because

125
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:07,040
where you are right now is very
different from where you

126
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,180
started.
One of the things I love about

127
00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:13,060
this podcast is it connects me
with people who have, you know,

128
00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:15,980
we're all obviously very unique,
we're distinct, but people who

129
00:06:15,980 --> 00:06:19,020
have traveled similar journeys
because like you, you know, I'm

130
00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:22,140
of the South Asian diaspora.
The other thing is I have a

131
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:25,220
journey with healthcare because
currently my wife and I, you

132
00:06:25,220 --> 00:06:27,220
know, we run a stem cell therapy
center.

133
00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:31,190
And that journey was predicated
on the notion of owning your own

134
00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:36,550
health and finding a way to not
combat necessarily, but finding

135
00:06:36,550 --> 00:06:40,790
a better path for patients than
what is offered by traditional

136
00:06:40,790 --> 00:06:42,910
medicine.
And this is something that I

137
00:06:42,910 --> 00:06:46,830
would love to hear your insights
on because you have had a very

138
00:06:46,830 --> 00:06:50,430
storied past with the healthcare
system in the UK.

139
00:06:50,430 --> 00:06:53,390
And so I'd love to hear more
about what your journey was from

140
00:06:53,390 --> 00:06:57,150
becoming a very well
credentialed GP is a GP partner,

141
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,390
is that?
Yeah.

142
00:06:58,950 --> 00:07:01,110
To your current role in the High
Performance Coaching.

143
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:04,790
They seem unrelated, but they're
actually so much more connected

144
00:07:04,790 --> 00:07:07,110
than most of us would ever care
to imagine.

145
00:07:07,110 --> 00:07:09,910
I'd like to take you back since
I was earliest I can remember.

146
00:07:09,910 --> 00:07:12,230
See my grandma.
She was a psychiatrist.

147
00:07:12,230 --> 00:07:15,070
My mom's mom, actually.
She was a pediatrician in Sri

148
00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:19,110
Lanka, and then she came over to
the UK and became a psychiatrist

149
00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:22,620
as often those times.
And she was someone who really

150
00:07:22,620 --> 00:07:26,140
inspired me from a young age to
be interested in the body and

151
00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:28,540
health.
And I remember reading, you

152
00:07:28,540 --> 00:07:30,980
know, the nutrition on the
cereal packets to see what kind

153
00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:33,700
of vitamins had been added.
That was my, my passion and my

154
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,820
love.
And so I was pigeonholed from a

155
00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:39,380
young age in a positive way
because I was interested in it.

156
00:07:39,780 --> 00:07:41,140
No, that's just going to be a
doctor.

157
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,180
I also had this kind of caring
side in me.

158
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:47,300
I used to put my dad's socks on
after a long day at work, etc.

159
00:07:47,420 --> 00:07:49,890
And.
When I went to medical school, I

160
00:07:49,890 --> 00:07:52,290
think what I was really
searching for, which many of us

161
00:07:52,290 --> 00:07:56,410
do is to help people, to help
people transform and be happy

162
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,450
and live full lives.
Because of course, you know,

163
00:07:58,450 --> 00:08:00,530
without our health, we can't do
any of those things.

164
00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:02,410
You know this so well.
Nickel, right.

165
00:08:02,610 --> 00:08:07,290
And so it came to applying for
jobs after I finished, and I

166
00:08:07,290 --> 00:08:10,890
just had a real calling to go
out into the community.

167
00:08:11,010 --> 00:08:13,810
And that's what you guys call in
the state's family medicine.

168
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,560
General practice and this is
where I discovered what you

169
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:22,840
discovered nickel is that there
were certain groups of patients

170
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:27,760
that I was seeing and around
4:00 in five around 80% were not

171
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,520
getting better and it was very
frustrating and I was putting

172
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,240
them on sometimes I went to work
in the surgery.

173
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,440
I had two 400 patients on my
list.

174
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,840
So that meant that I would do
all their prescriptions.

175
00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:41,350
I would look at all their blood
results, but it was the same

176
00:08:41,350 --> 00:08:43,909
subset of people that were
really struggling and I was

177
00:08:43,909 --> 00:08:46,870
really curious about that.
And that's basically how I found

178
00:08:46,870 --> 00:08:49,550
something called lifestyle
medicine which came out of the

179
00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:52,590
states actually it came out of
some great practitioners like

180
00:08:52,590 --> 00:08:57,110
Dean Ornish and if you like it
was similar to functional and

181
00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:00,950
integrative medicine, but it's
slightly differed in its

182
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:05,310
delivery, but all had the same
intention, which is to treat,

183
00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:07,270
prevent and reverse chronic
disease.

184
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,880
And so I I kept learning about
that.

185
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,640
I went and studied with the
International Board of Lifestyle

186
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,120
Positions and it basically
taught me that just as you said

187
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:20,960
perfectly, that our health lies
very much in our hands if and

188
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,720
this is a big if, if you learn
about behavioral change and

189
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,760
identity and and so that's what
led me further in towards

190
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,240
coaching and compassion because
what I truly found is all these

191
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,640
people that were suffering, what
they were really suffering from

192
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,080
was disconnection.
Right.

193
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,320
And I think, yeah, that, you
know, the mind body connection

194
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,320
is.
Something that I don't know how

195
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,160
it is in the UK, but it's
amazing that in the US we've

196
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,480
introduced these artificial
compartmentalizations between

197
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,400
different parts of the body.
You know, if you're having heart

198
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,840
problems, you go to a
cardiologist, you're having

199
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,560
stomach pains, you're going to a
GI, when really at the root of

200
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:59,320
it, it's about focusing on the
root of the issue and the brain

201
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,560
is so such a pivotal part of
this.

202
00:10:01,910 --> 00:10:04,790
And that gets segmented even
further because you know you

203
00:10:04,790 --> 00:10:08,150
have to go to a clinical
psychotherapist or or that type

204
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:12,510
of intervention.
Now this does tie into something

205
00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:14,910
that you talk about a lot and
that's the notion of

206
00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:18,590
neuroplasticity, again, going
back to the notion of

207
00:10:18,590 --> 00:10:21,870
empowerment that we have over
our own health and our own

208
00:10:21,870 --> 00:10:24,670
thought processes.
So I'd love if you could talk to

209
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:26,590
us a little bit more about that
concept.

210
00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:27,900
Sure.
Yeah.

211
00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:30,620
I mean, look, I know many of you
will be, well, vast on it, but

212
00:10:30,620 --> 00:10:34,900
essentially we have the power to
shape and change the structure

213
00:10:34,940 --> 00:10:38,100
and function of our brain.
And they say brain and mind is

214
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,380
actually different.
And I'll share that in fact,

215
00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:43,380
it's really fascinating work
from Dr. Daniel, CEO.

216
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:47,830
He is a psychiatrist, but also a
researcher and neuroscientist.

217
00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:51,230
And he got together with people
at UCLA, 40 people, and he

218
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:55,310
wanted to define what the mind
is, is nobody actually defines

219
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:56,830
this.
Like, what is the mind now?

220
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:59,110
I'm gonna shorten this but the
mind.

221
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,630
In that it wasn't just down to
him.

222
00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:04,070
By this, like 40 experts from
all different fields,

223
00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:06,990
psychologists, etc.
They said the mind is a

224
00:11:06,990 --> 00:11:11,150
regulatory process that controls
the flow of energy and

225
00:11:11,150 --> 00:11:14,150
information.
Now it's also it's an embodied

226
00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:16,310
process, IE the mind and the
body is 1.

227
00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:19,110
The brain and the mind
essentially separate things in

228
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:22,070
that department.
Neuroplasticity means that we

229
00:11:22,070 --> 00:11:25,050
have the power.
Through our own experiences,

230
00:11:25,130 --> 00:11:27,730
Through our repetitive
experiences, through emotion.

231
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:32,450
Through novelty, to create new
connections between our nerve

232
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:33,850
cells.
And of course, this is where

233
00:11:33,850 --> 00:11:35,890
compassion comes in so
amazingly, right?

234
00:11:35,890 --> 00:11:38,330
Because what we know about
neuroscience and compassion is

235
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:42,050
that if we took the Buddhist
monks who meditate on compassion

236
00:11:42,050 --> 00:11:45,450
for years, we see that they have
greater connections between the

237
00:11:45,450 --> 00:11:47,570
left side of their brain and the
right side of the brain through

238
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:49,050
what's called the corpus
callosum.

239
00:11:49,130 --> 00:11:52,410
And they have more connections
from the back, the reptilian

240
00:11:52,410 --> 00:11:54,250
brain.
Right to the front, which is the

241
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:56,410
prefrontal cortex.
Phenomenal stuff.

242
00:11:56,570 --> 00:12:00,170
And here's the most fascinating
part is they also have more

243
00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:03,290
connections between what's
called undifferentiated parts of

244
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,410
our brain.
So those childhood memories that

245
00:12:05,410 --> 00:12:08,690
have been repressed sometimes
right back in our in our

246
00:12:08,690 --> 00:12:11,780
hippocampus.
With compassion, you're able to

247
00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:14,580
make new connections.
And essentially that's what I'm

248
00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:17,220
talking about when I talk about
potential and true success, true

249
00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:20,980
fulfillment, your identity is
just a fully integrated brain,

250
00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:23,500
mind, body, spirit.
That's our natural state of

251
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,900
healing.
And so when I spoke about these

252
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:28,300
patients who are really
disconnected, you know, if you

253
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:32,700
can make someone feel connected,
you have done such an amazing

254
00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:36,140
thing for them in that moment
that their body will.

255
00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:39,420
And actually start to relax and
potentially even start to heal

256
00:12:39,420 --> 00:12:41,740
depending on how connected they
feel for how long.

257
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:45,020
Yeah, and I think that we really
do tend to underestimate that.

258
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:47,660
There's that saying, you know,
you can't teach an old dog new

259
00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:50,300
tricks, which I think is
complete bunk because there's a

260
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:52,340
guy, Bert Goldman, I think is
his name.

261
00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:54,620
I don't know if you're familiar
with him, but he was a Silva

262
00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:57,140
Method instructor.
And then he had also come up

263
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:59,100
with the methodology of quantum
jumping.

264
00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:01,710
So I think a vision.
Look, Yani had done a

265
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:04,190
documentary about him or
something, but he's this guy.

266
00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:07,790
He's in his 90s and he learned
to play piano.

267
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,350
At this late age.
He had learned to introduce that

268
00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:14,190
whole new form of photography,
just all the amazing things that

269
00:13:14,230 --> 00:13:17,030
really in the twilight of his
years when you're supposed to be

270
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,870
winding down, he was able to
make all these new connections,

271
00:13:19,870 --> 00:13:22,800
these new synapses and and.
And all these amazing

272
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,920
discoveries and journeys that
think really highlight the

273
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:29,320
importance of retraining your
brain and exposing new neural

274
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,680
connections and everything like
that.

275
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:34,120
So yeah, it's truly fascinating.
Jump in just for one minute.

276
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,520
Yeah, absolutely.
Gonna mention one guy who is

277
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,240
Richie Davidson, his work on
neuroplastic.

278
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,840
In fact, he was one of the
original scientists in the 80s

279
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,800
to bring in this time
neuroplasticity.

280
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,520
It's a relatively new concept
guys, So, you know, if we were

281
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:51,070
to speak to our parents.
The science Back then, it

282
00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:54,190
wouldn't have been open to the
fact that we can literally

283
00:13:54,190 --> 00:13:56,710
change the structure and the
function of our brains and

284
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:59,190
Richie's work.
I would recommend you check out

285
00:13:59,190 --> 00:14:01,950
any of his books or anything
with Daniel Goldman.

286
00:14:02,070 --> 00:14:04,310
There was a book Altered Traits.
I don't know.

287
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,030
If you've got one, yeah.
Yeah, one you're.

288
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:08,110
Referring to yeah.
Is this a phenomenon?

289
00:14:08,110 --> 00:14:10,710
Was he the Co?
Author of that Richie Davidson.

290
00:14:11,590 --> 00:14:14,300
And Daniel Goldman.
Those two teamed up for that

291
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,660
book and yeah, which is I can
talk about some of the

292
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:19,900
compassion based studies and
because they are, they're

293
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:22,580
really, they're just very
heartwarming but also very

294
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:25,060
interesting at the same time.
And that's what I love about

295
00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:26,370
your.
Approached.

296
00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:29,170
Nilesh, because you hit it on
the head earlier, is that the

297
00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:32,570
term life coach tends to get a
little bit of a dismissive view

298
00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:35,930
in a lot of circles because it
tends to be around just feeling

299
00:14:35,930 --> 00:14:39,970
good and this kumbaya sensation.
But there is real science to

300
00:14:39,970 --> 00:14:44,170
back this up and so I love the
fact that in a lot of the videos

301
00:14:44,170 --> 00:14:45,330
you're doing a lot of the
content.

302
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:49,060
You cite a lot of the studies
that talk about when they look

303
00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:52,100
at functional Mri's, they look
at different parts of the brain

304
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:55,180
that show you know that this is
not just hocus pocus.

305
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:58,580
This is something that can
really impact the Physiology and

306
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:01,620
can impact health overall.
Not just how you're feeling, but

307
00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:04,220
how your overall body is
functioning.

308
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,380
Let's talk about some of that
neuroscience they kind of

309
00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:08,660
touched in it earlier, but I
know you listen as well and I

310
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:10,940
and I love it too.
You can hear it in my voice and

311
00:15:10,940 --> 00:15:13,940
it's what really lit me out at
the start, cuz I have a very

312
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,990
logical.
Now I've, you know, really

313
00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:18,350
explored my spiritual self, but
I was from the background of

314
00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:21,030
real hard science and logic, and
it took me a long time to come

315
00:15:21,030 --> 00:15:23,750
around to moving to that.
So yeah, compassion.

316
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:25,310
Where to begin?
And the neuroscient of

317
00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:28,910
compassion.
It really is a wonder drug, a

318
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,150
wonder pill if you could take
it.

319
00:15:30,150 --> 00:15:32,670
You hear this statement a lot,
but let's talk about.

320
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:35,530
First of all, we have three
brain systems.

321
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:38,450
This is from Paul Gilbert, one
of the world's leading lights in

322
00:15:38,530 --> 00:15:41,890
self compassion, and he's based
in the UK Now most of us are

323
00:15:41,890 --> 00:15:45,610
living in two of these systems.
One system is called the wanting

324
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:49,130
system and the neurochemical
responsible for wanting.

325
00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:51,570
There's only one and that's
dopamine.

326
00:15:52,130 --> 00:15:55,250
And that is about everything in
our future experience.

327
00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:59,110
So, you know, if I was to reach.
For something on my desk, it's

328
00:15:59,110 --> 00:16:01,110
dopamine.
It's my wanting system that will

329
00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:02,830
be.
And call it the, the molecule of

330
00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:03,870
more.
I don't know if you've heard

331
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:06,470
that expression, but now it's.
Great focus.

332
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,750
Well, we've read the same voice.
It's a phenomenon.

333
00:16:08,870 --> 00:16:13,390
But yeah, the other brain system
is the threat system, which is

334
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:17,230
called salt and norepinephrine.
These are the two neurochemicals

335
00:16:17,230 --> 00:16:19,510
that mediate that.
And then there's the soothing

336
00:16:19,510 --> 00:16:23,950
system, which has oxytocin,
serotonin, endorphins.

337
00:16:24,430 --> 00:16:26,950
Now, most of us in the modern
world, we're living between the

338
00:16:26,950 --> 00:16:30,590
wanting and the threat, and we
spend very little time in the

339
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,790
soothing system just to show you
the power of this.

340
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:36,150
Since I started to do this
soothing system, I got my

341
00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:38,950
microbiome analyzed.
Now please take these numbers

342
00:16:38,950 --> 00:16:41,630
with a pinch of salt.
OK, you must remember this, but

343
00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:46,350
I've been reversing my age, so I
got to analyze when I was 33 and

344
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:49,520
it came out as 13.
And it's only really been

345
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,920
through these practices of
soothing do you actually get to

346
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:56,640
this now what's possible and it
literally the reversal of aging

347
00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,800
and we again we've got loads of
studies about meditators who are

348
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,680
able to literally change their
or keep intact shall we say.

349
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:09,000
The DNA as a result of the
retreats and the meditations

350
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,560
that they got.
The genetics you're talking

351
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,359
about that kind of thing, yeah.
Absolutely.

352
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:15,880
There's a little shoelace caps
on the end of our DNA called

353
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,160
tillamerase, which you may well
have helped.

354
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,480
Tillamerase is the enzyme that's
usually responsible for breaking

355
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,480
that down.
And when we measure that in

356
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,640
meditators, we see that they
maintain these little caps on

357
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,280
the end of the DNA, which is
strongly linked to having a long

358
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:34,120
and healthy and vibrant life.
And this all comes through

359
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,160
compassion.
Awareness of how you feel, good

360
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,480
or bad.
It doesn't matter that there's

361
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,480
no such thing.
And then taking action moving

362
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,760
forward from that.
No, it's fascinating stuff.

363
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,720
And like you said, I mean, we
could probably spend the whole

364
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,880
day talking about that.
It's truly incredible.

365
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,280
Like it's like with meditation
and breath work.

366
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,320
The thing I love about it is
it's something you can do

367
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,400
anywhere.
It's not something you need to

368
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,800
have a big infrastructure or you
know what I mean?

369
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,560
It's just something like if
you're stuck in traffic, for

370
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,860
instance, and you just do some.
What I do is box breathing.

371
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:07,700
That tends to be very helpful
and I know you're you're

372
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,420
familiar with like things like
Soma Breath that's that's been

373
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:13,380
extremely revolutionary.
I think we had talked about it

374
00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:16,660
on another podcast, but we
actually went into our

375
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:19,700
eight-year old son, his third
grade class and we talked to

376
00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:23,260
them about breath work because
their teacher had been using an

377
00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:26,140
app called Headspace, which I'm
sure you're familiar with, to

378
00:18:26,140 --> 00:18:29,340
talk about just the importance
of checking in and just paying

379
00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:32,020
attention to.
To your breathing and things

380
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,220
like that.
And So what I'm saying is when

381
00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:38,260
you get kids into this mindset
from the outset, rather than, as

382
00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:41,460
I said before, trying to teach
an old dog new tricks, the

383
00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:45,820
impact can be not just for them.
The impact on society and the

384
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:49,300
world can be truly incredible.
Would you also me asking you a

385
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,020
little question?
Absolutely.

386
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:54,140
What does compassion mean to
you, Nico?

387
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,440
Boy, that's a tough one.
It's something that I feel like

388
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,640
it hasn't been emphasized as
much as things like gratitude.

389
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:05,720
I think when people are in this
space, gratitude tends to get

390
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,760
the bulk of attention.
And of course I think it's very

391
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,920
important.
But I think compassion.

392
00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:15,690
Is something that is in my mind.
I think it's just about having

393
00:19:15,690 --> 00:19:19,610
grace and I think it's about, I
would say, taking an objective

394
00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:24,290
view and not necessarily looking
at what's on the surface level,

395
00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:27,170
just basically understanding
that there are extenuating

396
00:19:27,170 --> 00:19:29,730
circumstances for yourself as
well As for others.

397
00:19:30,050 --> 00:19:33,250
So let's say you're going
through a very stressful time.

398
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,960
And then this is, I'm using a
scenario for myself.

399
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,760
I'm going through a very
stressful time.

400
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,600
So I'm, you know, eating a lot
more sugar, consuming a lot more

401
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,880
alcohol, indulging in in social
media.

402
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:47,000
So for me, compassion is not
saying like it's just giving

403
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,320
myself a pass, but compassion is
understanding that there's a

404
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:54,360
reason that I'm doing all of
those things and really trying

405
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,240
to nurture you talked about like
the inner child, trying to

406
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,720
nurture that inner child and not
being so punitive.

407
00:20:01,180 --> 00:20:03,940
And realizing that there is a
reason for this.

408
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:06,740
And so you can't be compassion
towards others until you're

409
00:20:06,740 --> 00:20:09,580
compassionate to yourself, which
I think is something that you

410
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:11,980
talk about as well.
Thank you so much for sharing

411
00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:14,300
that.
That's I'm sorry and I'm 100%

412
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:18,460
sorry to hear that and I feel
you I feel we're all actually

413
00:20:18,580 --> 00:20:20,380
there's two things I wanna bring
up.

414
00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:24,020
The 1st is that the forenable
treats and Buddhism.

415
00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:28,590
Which in the model I used with
all my my clients on self

416
00:20:28,590 --> 00:20:32,390
compassion and the full noble
treat are as follows. #1 is that

417
00:20:33,310 --> 00:20:35,270
we all experience challenges and
suffering.

418
00:20:35,790 --> 00:20:38,910
And if you first lean into that,
the reason why challenges and

419
00:20:38,910 --> 00:20:42,870
suffering is so painful is
because often we feel alone in

420
00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:45,310
our experience.
So instantly you're no longer

421
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,790
alone.
The second thing is that your

422
00:20:47,990 --> 00:20:51,630
challenges and suffering, it has
some causes.

423
00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:56,550
Now this really interesting and
empowering because if it has

424
00:20:56,550 --> 00:20:59,910
causes like how you beautifully
mentioned, you know you're going

425
00:20:59,910 --> 00:21:03,790
through a difficult time and
this you're indulging in social

426
00:21:03,790 --> 00:21:07,510
media and sugar.
So the sugar in social media is

427
00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:10,750
because of the difficult time,
then this leads to the third

428
00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:12,670
truth.
That means that you can do

429
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:14,830
something about it.
Now this is the piece that often

430
00:21:14,830 --> 00:21:17,350
gets missed in compassion and if
we actually study.

431
00:21:17,930 --> 00:21:20,530
The brain of someone who's been
meditating on compassion, you

432
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:27,050
can see that the pre motor area
gets lit up, I E compassion and

433
00:21:27,050 --> 00:21:29,490
action are very, very closely
linked.

434
00:21:29,610 --> 00:21:33,050
And This is why a lot of people,
this is the big misconception

435
00:21:33,050 --> 00:21:37,170
that people miss.
They think our compassion is

436
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:40,010
understanding, and absolutely it
is.

437
00:21:40,130 --> 00:21:43,090
But it's also like a mother
would.

438
00:21:43,630 --> 00:21:45,750
Want their children to be
healthy and happy and so

439
00:21:45,750 --> 00:21:47,630
wouldn't let them watch cartoons
all day.

440
00:21:47,630 --> 00:21:53,470
It's it's acting from that place
of a purity and growth and love

441
00:21:53,470 --> 00:21:56,750
and and not necessarily just
from the space of of

442
00:21:56,750 --> 00:21:58,750
understanding.
So I love the example you

443
00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:01,230
brought up.
So my question would be what

444
00:22:01,230 --> 00:22:03,430
would your future self?
This is very simple.

445
00:22:03,430 --> 00:22:05,910
I know a lot of people use this.
What would your future self say

446
00:22:05,910 --> 00:22:09,190
to you right now about this
difficult time you're going

447
00:22:09,190 --> 00:22:11,470
through.
So I think the future self would

448
00:22:11,710 --> 00:22:14,490
say that.
I understand what you're going

449
00:22:14,490 --> 00:22:16,370
through.
There are other people who are

450
00:22:16,370 --> 00:22:19,690
going through this.
So don't don't think that you're

451
00:22:19,690 --> 00:22:22,250
special, not necessarily like
saying you're, you know, the

452
00:22:22,250 --> 00:22:25,050
term special.
And they're not alone.

453
00:22:25,050 --> 00:22:25,730
Exactly.
That's.

454
00:22:25,730 --> 00:22:28,690
So that's a great way to say it.
So don't dismiss it.

455
00:22:28,690 --> 00:22:31,170
Don't keep indulging in these
things that are going to ruin

456
00:22:31,170 --> 00:22:33,770
your health.
But take steps.

457
00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:36,810
Take, you know, the the old
saying of the journey of 1000

458
00:22:36,810 --> 00:22:40,170
miles begins with one step.
Take that into account and.

459
00:22:40,730 --> 00:22:44,690
Put in place some steps to get
there and don't try to do it all

460
00:22:44,690 --> 00:22:47,850
in one day, but just be
understanding and loving to

461
00:22:47,850 --> 00:22:50,010
yourself.
Beautiful, beautiful.

462
00:22:50,010 --> 00:22:51,850
And this.
Again, I wanted to spell another

463
00:22:51,850 --> 00:22:54,330
big myth here because a lot of
people, if you're listening to

464
00:22:54,330 --> 00:22:56,730
this, you're interested in self
help and personal growth and

465
00:22:56,730 --> 00:23:00,930
healing and maybe you've been
frustrated or doubtful or

466
00:23:00,930 --> 00:23:02,850
impatient.
You're like, I'm taking action,

467
00:23:03,410 --> 00:23:05,730
yeah, I'm taking action and I'm
not getting better.

468
00:23:06,190 --> 00:23:07,670
This is something that would
happen a lot.

469
00:23:07,670 --> 00:23:10,950
I'd see patients in my medical
practice and coaching.

470
00:23:11,510 --> 00:23:15,070
There's a difference between
acting from a place of fear and

471
00:23:15,070 --> 00:23:18,790
acting from a place of love.
This is a real nuance, but gosh,

472
00:23:18,790 --> 00:23:22,630
is it powerful when you fully
lean into self compassion and

473
00:23:22,630 --> 00:23:25,260
self love.
And then you act.

474
00:23:25,420 --> 00:23:27,980
Well, your actions all of a
sudden have a completely

475
00:23:27,980 --> 00:23:29,900
different vibration and
different energy.

476
00:23:30,420 --> 00:23:32,660
And often, you know, I can
pretty much say that most of the

477
00:23:32,660 --> 00:23:36,100
time if I am, if I'm frustrated
or impatient, which of course

478
00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:41,100
happens, it's because I'm acting
from a place of fear and not

479
00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:42,970
love.
No, 100%.

480
00:23:42,970 --> 00:23:46,090
I did want to take it back a
little bit, Neil Ish, to what we

481
00:23:46,090 --> 00:23:49,170
were talking about earlier with,
you know, teaching kids about

482
00:23:49,170 --> 00:23:51,490
meditation and and brushwork and
things like that.

483
00:23:51,570 --> 00:23:55,530
So one of the most recent
episodes we had was we talked to

484
00:23:55,530 --> 00:23:58,010
somebody who wrote about healing
your inner child.

485
00:23:58,010 --> 00:24:01,450
It's a it's a very interesting
discussion and I kind of alluded

486
00:24:01,450 --> 00:24:04,130
to this earlier when I was
talking about compassion with

487
00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:06,890
yourself.
Now you talk a little bit in in

488
00:24:06,890 --> 00:24:10,600
some of your videos.
About the concept of childhood,

489
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,360
you know, obviously you're a
father as well.

490
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:17,360
I'd love to hear more about what
do you think children can teach

491
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:20,720
us about not just compassion,
but just resilience?

492
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,760
And what are some of the lessons
that you learned being a father?

493
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:27,280
So many, in fact.
It was my son, Freddie.

494
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,760
He's my inspiration for all of
this.

495
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,990
Because my son.
When he was about six months

496
00:24:33,990 --> 00:24:36,510
old, I started to notice he
would scream randomly, he

497
00:24:36,510 --> 00:24:39,470
wouldn't make eye contact.
He then went on to had speech

498
00:24:39,470 --> 00:24:44,350
delay and I was watching.
I was, I was distraught as my

499
00:24:44,350 --> 00:24:46,190
first son.
I was overjoyed.

500
00:24:46,310 --> 00:24:49,830
I was at a very stressful period
in my life, which I know now was

501
00:24:49,830 --> 00:24:51,430
clearly impacting in that
situation.

502
00:24:51,430 --> 00:24:54,430
Do you know he's he's doing
fantastically now, largely

503
00:24:54,430 --> 00:24:55,950
through all the stuff that we
speak about.

504
00:24:56,350 --> 00:24:57,550
How old?
How old is he now?

505
00:24:57,930 --> 00:24:59,450
Six now.
Oh, he's 6 now.

506
00:24:59,450 --> 00:25:01,890
OK, well, I'll be going to get
him from school in about an

507
00:25:01,890 --> 00:25:03,970
hour.
So yeah, I mean, what can we

508
00:25:03,970 --> 00:25:05,810
teach our kids?
I mean, the number one, the

509
00:25:05,810 --> 00:25:08,530
number one thing if that you
could do is teach them to be

510
00:25:08,530 --> 00:25:10,850
emotionally aware.
And they can.

511
00:25:10,890 --> 00:25:12,970
They're actually teaching me
that as well.

512
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:14,450
Because yeah, actually, that's
what I was.

513
00:25:14,770 --> 00:25:16,050
That's what I was asking.
Was what?

514
00:25:16,130 --> 00:25:18,970
Can they teach us?
He definitely teaches me that.

515
00:25:18,970 --> 00:25:21,130
He definitely teaches me to be
emotionally aware.

516
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,320
Because when let's say he says
no or you know if we're trying

517
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,600
to get him into the bar they'll
do any of these little Bailey

518
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:32,280
tuss and chores and he says no.
It's always about me self

519
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,240
soothing.
The more I can self sooth and be

520
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,760
unmoved by any emotions they're
going through, the more that I'm

521
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:42,320
training them to manage their
emotions and also I just feel

522
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,960
better as well.
So it's it's it's an emotional

523
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,360
journey being a parent because
we love our children.

524
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,280
Problem is a lot of that love.
A lot that comes with

525
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,360
attachment.
And so I think probably the two

526
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:57,120
biggest lessons he teaches me is
detachment and to be emotionally

527
00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,040
aware, yeah.
And and I think the other thing

528
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,400
that I've noticed is just
there's that resilience, there's

529
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:08,000
that lack of a sense of failure,
you know, there this fighting

530
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,200
spirit has not been beaten down
yet, you know?

531
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,440
And that's why, how do we think
a child or a baby learns to

532
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,680
walk?
It's not that they get up, they

533
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,280
fall down and then they just say
up.

534
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,240
You know what?
I'll try it again tomorrow.

535
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,300
No, they don't.
And I don't say this in a bad

536
00:26:21,300 --> 00:26:23,980
way, but they don't have the
intelligence yet to realize that

537
00:26:23,980 --> 00:26:26,220
there are things working against
them, you know?

538
00:26:26,300 --> 00:26:29,060
So that's something that I think
I've learned from my kids as

539
00:26:29,060 --> 00:26:29,740
well.
They don't.

540
00:26:29,940 --> 00:26:31,940
It's it's all about intuition as
well.

541
00:26:31,940 --> 00:26:34,380
They haven't been stymied or
stifled.

542
00:26:34,820 --> 00:26:37,100
Yet hopefully.
So yeah, I mean they're they're

543
00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:39,500
very present and you watch the
children being the flow.

544
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:43,540
Like I can watch my son plays an
hour and a half just in his own

545
00:26:43,540 --> 00:26:45,420
imaginary world and it's an
amazing thing.

546
00:26:45,660 --> 00:26:49,820
So yes we we do we do learn that
resilience from them And it's

547
00:26:49,820 --> 00:26:51,820
interesting I if you if you
think about, I don't know what

548
00:26:51,820 --> 00:26:53,820
your first failure is, if you
can think about it.

549
00:26:53,820 --> 00:26:57,140
But for most people it's very
difficult to think of a failure

550
00:26:57,140 --> 00:26:59,760
before you were.
In middle school in the States,

551
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:01,000
we'd call it secondary school
here.

552
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,600
Right.
Because in the first few years,

553
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,640
you know, everybody's learning
and we're all that.

554
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:06,880
We don't even.
There's not even really a

555
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,560
concept of, oh, I failed, right,
right.

556
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,000
They're completely.
I hear you on this resilience

557
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:12,520
point.
Yeah.

558
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,800
Yeah.
And and I think this also ties

559
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,960
into when we talk about like
upbringing, that does tie in a

560
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,640
little bit to the cultural
aspect of things.

561
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,520
I think.
And I think you would agree it's

562
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:26,600
a great time to be part of the
South Asian diaspora just

563
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,840
because.
These strides that our culture

564
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,800
is making is can't be
overstated.

565
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:36,160
I mean, it's just if you look on
Fortune 500CEO's, a lot of them

566
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,760
are of South Asian origin.
And you and I were talking about

567
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:43,160
how a lot of the thought leaders
like Doctor Chatterjee, Jay

568
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:46,160
Shetty's another one, obviously,
yeah, there's so many people who

569
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,720
look like us.
So their messages I think are

570
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,960
resonating for us and and and us
as well as content creators.

571
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,080
It's a good time where our
message, I think will resonate

572
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,320
with other people who, as I
said, look like us.

573
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,400
But it wasn't always obviously
like that.

574
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:04,120
As S Asians, we were labeled
other, you know, growing up.

575
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,920
So I'd love to hear more.
I know this is a broad question,

576
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:10,400
but I'd love to hear more about
your journey as a South Asian in

577
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,760
terms of like how that's evolved
and good and bad.

578
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,240
Well, I'd love to share that and
for the South Asians.

579
00:28:17,820 --> 00:28:20,100
That are listening.
I would have been traditionally

580
00:28:20,100 --> 00:28:22,460
called the coconut.
Yeah.

581
00:28:23,940 --> 00:28:28,380
My mum and dad were from Sri
Lanka, they're from Sri Lanka

582
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:32,100
and my dad was Tamil.
If any of you guys know that in

583
00:28:32,100 --> 00:28:34,460
Sri Lanka there's Tamil in
singalees and my mum was

584
00:28:34,460 --> 00:28:36,500
singalees and so they didn't
teach us.

585
00:28:36,860 --> 00:28:40,620
They made a conscious choice not
to teach us Tamil or singalees.

586
00:28:41,050 --> 00:28:45,130
So my brother and I, we grew up
really just speaking English,

587
00:28:45,170 --> 00:28:48,250
and apart from the food, we
weren't very immersed in the

588
00:28:48,250 --> 00:28:50,810
culture.
So it's strange because I didn't

589
00:28:50,810 --> 00:28:55,450
actually think of myself as
different until people started

590
00:28:55,450 --> 00:28:58,130
to notice the color of your skin
and until I was the only brown

591
00:28:58,130 --> 00:29:01,290
person in the school.
And then as I started to go

592
00:29:01,290 --> 00:29:05,050
through school and I wanted to
go into leadership positions and

593
00:29:05,050 --> 00:29:08,700
they didn't get them.
I started to think my dad would

594
00:29:08,820 --> 00:29:11,220
mention a few things, that he'd
been subject to some racial

595
00:29:11,220 --> 00:29:13,220
challenges when he first came to
the country.

596
00:29:13,340 --> 00:29:17,900
And then I thought, oh, maybe
it's because my skin and I

597
00:29:17,900 --> 00:29:20,900
didn't consciously think that,
but subconsciously I There

598
00:29:20,900 --> 00:29:23,460
definitely was something there,
you know, really took.

599
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,920
Going inwards and seeing other
people, just as you said, you

600
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,360
know, for a long for seven years
I was off social media.

601
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:33,280
I didn't want to be seen even
though I was doing very similar

602
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,920
things as to I'm doing now, but
I just didn't want to be seen.

603
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:40,960
And then I started to see people
like Dr. Rupi, Angela in the UK,

604
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,360
the doctor's kitchen, wrong and
Chassi.

605
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,440
In fact, I didn't learn about
Jay till actually relatively

606
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,040
recently, but.
Oh, really?

607
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,320
OK.
Jay is a phenomenal, of course.

608
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:52,200
Yeah.
And they start to see these

609
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,940
people who.
You know, were born in the UK

610
00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:59,020
who were S Asians just like me.
And I thought, wow, it's this

611
00:29:59,020 --> 00:30:02,100
feeling of I didn't feel so
alone or disconnected anymore,

612
00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:04,300
you know?
And for a big, a long time I was

613
00:30:04,300 --> 00:30:06,780
embarrassed to say that I was
going into coaching because of

614
00:30:06,780 --> 00:30:10,580
course I was in medicine, which
in Asian communities is one of

615
00:30:10,580 --> 00:30:12,300
the pinnacles of the.
Pinnacle, right?

616
00:30:12,300 --> 00:30:14,140
Exactly.
It's the status thing, right?

617
00:30:14,140 --> 00:30:17,860
Like, oh, my, that's this
person's son, the doctor, right.

618
00:30:17,860 --> 00:30:20,580
That's how everybody's referred
to in that way.

619
00:30:20,740 --> 00:30:22,940
And and I get it.
I understand that because.

620
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:27,960
I think for them having secure
income was incredibly important

621
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,320
when you're moving to a new
country.

622
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:33,800
And so the more secure your job
and your income, of course it

623
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,080
gave you some some safety and
security.

624
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,960
Of course, there's a great quote
from the the coach, Marshall

625
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,120
Goldsmith.
What got you here won't get you

626
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,280
there.
And we're in a new paradigm now

627
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,560
where we're becoming
entrepreneurs and leaders and

628
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:48,000
thought leaders and content
creators and sharing.

629
00:30:48,390 --> 00:30:51,030
Inspiration with the world.
So that's my journey.

630
00:30:51,030 --> 00:30:54,230
And you know, now I'm actually
part of a club in the in the UK

631
00:30:54,430 --> 00:30:58,310
there's there's a wonderful
Asian contingent and that just

632
00:30:58,390 --> 00:31:02,590
just like you say, they're doing
phenomenal things and I feel

633
00:31:02,590 --> 00:31:06,150
very blessed to be connected in
in that community because it's

634
00:31:06,150 --> 00:31:08,390
just a very loving, a loving
space to be.

635
00:31:08,510 --> 00:31:10,830
Yeah and no.
And I think one of the things

636
00:31:10,830 --> 00:31:14,430
that I'm really grateful for is
that there's more dialogue about

637
00:31:14,430 --> 00:31:16,430
because mental health obviously
has been.

638
00:31:16,930 --> 00:31:20,690
A discussion of great interest
for for many years.

639
00:31:20,690 --> 00:31:24,650
But S Asians, I think it has
been so it's been a blind spot

640
00:31:24,650 --> 00:31:28,290
because as members of you know
the model minority it was just

641
00:31:28,290 --> 00:31:32,210
something that we always thought
was not to be offensive but like

642
00:31:32,210 --> 00:31:34,570
a white person issue.
You know, this is like, oh we

643
00:31:34,570 --> 00:31:37,290
don't have mental health issues
in our community.

644
00:31:37,490 --> 00:31:40,410
This just keep your head down.
Focus and leave that stuff to

645
00:31:40,410 --> 00:31:41,250
the side.
And now.

646
00:31:41,580 --> 00:31:43,780
We are seeing that because
bringing it back to what we were

647
00:31:43,780 --> 00:31:46,980
talking about earlier, it's not
just about feeling anxious or

648
00:31:46,980 --> 00:31:49,460
feeling depressed.
It's about the fact that these

649
00:31:49,460 --> 00:31:52,980
thoughts, you know as that that
book, the body keeps score.

650
00:31:53,300 --> 00:31:56,700
You know these thoughts, these
traumas really manifest into

651
00:31:56,700 --> 00:32:00,220
different parts of our body and
if we are trying to just take a

652
00:32:00,220 --> 00:32:03,500
piece meal approach to managing
our health, that's not going to

653
00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:06,780
be the most effective.
So and I think that because we

654
00:32:06,780 --> 00:32:10,060
are, you know, in this position
where we have people who are

655
00:32:10,060 --> 00:32:12,580
talking about it and that you
know we are creating content.

656
00:32:12,580 --> 00:32:16,260
I feel very, very fortunate that
it's something that you know at

657
00:32:16,260 --> 00:32:19,140
the end of the day mental health
in essence knows no cultural

658
00:32:19,140 --> 00:32:21,980
boundaries, but in it in other
respects it does because there

659
00:32:21,980 --> 00:32:24,640
are nuances.
To our experience, you know

660
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,920
there are nuances to coming to a
new country, trying to be

661
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:32,040
accepted, trying to bring up,
bring through elements of your

662
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:36,440
old culture but also integrate
into into the new world and in

663
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,320
doing so not be too much of A,
as you said as a coconut.

664
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,520
I love that expression.
I use that all the time with my,

665
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,360
my kids.
I'm like, you know, but no, it's

666
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,280
it's it's great and I I feel
very, very fortunate about that

667
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,910
and again.
I think interestingly enough,

668
00:32:50,910 --> 00:32:54,070
you know, we, I did mention Jay
Shetty and I was chuckling

669
00:32:54,070 --> 00:32:57,550
because there's he has a daily
meditation called the Daily J on

670
00:32:57,550 --> 00:33:00,470
the Calm app.
And today the meditation, he

671
00:33:00,470 --> 00:33:04,230
talks about the importance of
posture and a flower, you know,

672
00:33:04,230 --> 00:33:07,630
how it spreads its petals to to
be exposed to the sun.

673
00:33:07,950 --> 00:33:11,430
I'm bringing that up because you
had a very interesting point

674
00:33:11,430 --> 00:33:13,670
about a Lotus.
I think in one of your podcast

675
00:33:13,670 --> 00:33:17,390
you talked about how a Lotus, it
thrives in adverse conditions

676
00:33:17,390 --> 00:33:21,480
and thrives in mud.
So if you could nealish, if you

677
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,480
could talk a little bit more
about that metaphor and sort of

678
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:27,240
how it's played out in your
life, how Lotus thrives in

679
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,040
adverse conditions.
I'm so glad you brought this up

680
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:33,160
because I read this and I think
it was again through Paul

681
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:37,360
Gilbert's work and I all that
analogy and I just loved it.

682
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:41,280
I think nature gives us the best
lessons it it's so much outside

683
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:45,040
when you we open our awareness
to it, but the Lotus flower, it

684
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:49,260
needs to be sustained by mud.
And I love this because you can

685
00:33:49,260 --> 00:33:51,500
think of the mud as your
negative emotions or your

686
00:33:51,500 --> 00:33:54,560
difficult times.
And his such an important take

687
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,380
away for for me, I'm saying this
to myself as much as everyone

688
00:33:57,380 --> 00:34:00,220
else is, that there really isn't
anything is.

689
00:34:00,420 --> 00:34:02,540
And they say such thing as a
name to times and positive

690
00:34:02,540 --> 00:34:04,260
times.
It's just it just is.

691
00:34:04,260 --> 00:34:07,980
We ascribe so much meaning to
things and as a result we kind

692
00:34:07,980 --> 00:34:12,100
of ride this roller coaster of
emotions in life.

693
00:34:12,179 --> 00:34:15,860
But the mud is necessary to
bloom the beautiful Lotus

694
00:34:15,860 --> 00:34:18,420
flower.
And so I just urge everybody, if

695
00:34:18,420 --> 00:34:20,940
they are going through
challenge, struggles, doubts,

696
00:34:20,940 --> 00:34:24,460
impatience, frustration,
whatever it is, if you can open

697
00:34:24,460 --> 00:34:27,900
yourself to that, like the
Chinese finger trap, right when

698
00:34:27,900 --> 00:34:30,540
you resist the Chinese finger
trap, you can't get out.

699
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:34,420
But when you turn towards it and
you lean into it, you're free.

700
00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:39,179
So this is the lesson from the
Lotus flower, no matter how far

701
00:34:39,179 --> 00:34:42,219
in your journey you go, oh,
there are challenges and

702
00:34:42,219 --> 00:34:44,620
setbacks and I and then I feel
like, you know, if people don't

703
00:34:44,620 --> 00:34:47,050
say that.
Well, they're enlightened and

704
00:34:47,130 --> 00:34:50,250
there are people that are
enlightened, but it's more rare

705
00:34:50,250 --> 00:34:53,449
than one would one would think.
Yeah.

706
00:34:53,449 --> 00:34:57,250
And I think you had talked about
in your journey like you're with

707
00:34:57,610 --> 00:35:00,610
the healthcare system, there was
a, I think there was a situation

708
00:35:00,610 --> 00:35:02,730
with a patient that you had
encountered.

709
00:35:02,730 --> 00:35:05,170
I think would that sort of align
with that whole?

710
00:35:05,570 --> 00:35:07,690
Thank you getting.
Through those adverse conditions

711
00:35:07,690 --> 00:35:09,470
and.
Thanks to remind me of this

712
00:35:09,470 --> 00:35:10,070
story.
Yeah.

713
00:35:10,070 --> 00:35:12,910
So there's there's four big
challenges that I faced that you

714
00:35:12,910 --> 00:35:16,270
know, my past which I've learned
a lot from the mud as it were.

715
00:35:16,670 --> 00:35:20,790
But the most personal one which
you brought up nickel is you

716
00:35:20,790 --> 00:35:23,750
know I was working at this GP
surgery like I said, I was very

717
00:35:23,750 --> 00:35:27,310
stressed 2400 patients.
So I was trying to make people

718
00:35:27,310 --> 00:35:29,550
better.
But the thing was is there was a

719
00:35:29,550 --> 00:35:33,750
33 day wait to see a doctor in
that surgery.

720
00:35:34,590 --> 00:35:37,830
And so I remember 11 kind of
letter came through that this

721
00:35:37,830 --> 00:35:41,950
person had got bowel cancer
whilst they were waiting to be

722
00:35:41,950 --> 00:35:43,310
seen.
And anyway we actually got, I

723
00:35:43,310 --> 00:35:45,750
was very angry at the time.
I certainly wasn't into

724
00:35:45,830 --> 00:35:50,750
meditation or any of this And so
I was on this mission to try and

725
00:35:50,750 --> 00:35:53,350
reduce the waiting time and
there was a lot of bureaucracy

726
00:35:53,350 --> 00:35:55,870
but there was a patient that
came in and I was 20 minutes

727
00:35:55,870 --> 00:35:59,950
late and essentially I wasn't
compassionate with this patient

728
00:36:00,910 --> 00:36:03,000
I I.
I made the correct diagnosis.

729
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,160
I did everything by the book,
but I wasn't compassionate and

730
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,400
they wrote this complaint and I
went into a period of, you know,

731
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,320
basically deep and was only
speak for a few weeks and I was

732
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:18,960
very judgmental with myself.
But that mud was what bloomed my

733
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,560
study of compassion.
I, you know, I've kind of felt

734
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,680
drawn to the Dalai Lama.
I started reading the Dalai

735
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,280
Lama.
I got really deep into personal

736
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:30,080
growth meditation was was coming
through then as well, so.

737
00:36:30,510 --> 00:36:32,030
You're exactly where you're
meant to be.

738
00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:34,870
It's a cheesy phrase, but it is
just so true.

739
00:36:35,750 --> 00:36:37,230
You're exactly where you're
meant to be.

740
00:36:37,950 --> 00:36:41,910
But it all relies on your
awareness of where you are and

741
00:36:42,310 --> 00:36:44,750
the possibility for something to
bloom out of that.

742
00:36:44,910 --> 00:36:48,030
Yeah, I definitely think that
you have to, you know, you have

743
00:36:48,030 --> 00:36:50,670
to look beyond that goes back to
compassion, right?

744
00:36:50,670 --> 00:36:54,390
You have to look beyond what is
right in front of you because

745
00:36:54,750 --> 00:36:57,470
there are adverse circumstances
that might.

746
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:01,360
Cause you to behave in ways that
are contrary to how you, you

747
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,520
know you're idealized version of
yourself like you you were

748
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,800
talking about.
I mean there were you were in a

749
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,120
very stressful situation.
This is not necessarily who you

750
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,240
are.
This is just you have to remove

751
00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:15,280
yourself from the adverse
circumstances and that's how we

752
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,240
get to hire actualized versions
of ourselves.

753
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,960
So Nilesh, I do want to shift to
talk a little bit more about

754
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:25,640
your coaching practice because
one of the things that I found

755
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,320
very interesting, you know
there's.

756
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:30,400
Coaching programs like Tony
Robbins or Jay Shetty, as we

757
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,560
mentioned earlier, one of the
criticisms, it's just that

758
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:37,200
coaches tend to promise that you
can be the best version of

759
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,720
yourself and you can achieve the
lifestyle of your dreams And you

760
00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:43,960
know everything is going to be
solved if you just sign up for

761
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,200
my course or download my white
paper or whatever.

762
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,680
But what I loved about something
I saw on your site was you have

763
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,320
a post that says I am not the
coach for you.

764
00:37:53,740 --> 00:37:56,340
Which is very, I think it's very
eye-catching.

765
00:37:56,340 --> 00:37:58,900
So I'd love if you could talk a
little bit more about that.

766
00:37:58,940 --> 00:38:02,380
I'm really glad you brought that
up because the biggest shift in

767
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:07,380
my coaching came when I started
to do deeper and deeper inner

768
00:38:07,380 --> 00:38:12,140
work, and something that came
out of that was that I can't be

769
00:38:12,140 --> 00:38:15,340
for everyone, and that's
completely OK.

770
00:38:15,750 --> 00:38:18,150
And almost, even as I still say
this, I kind of feel like a deep

771
00:38:18,150 --> 00:38:21,430
relaxing because coaches,
naturally we're servers, We're

772
00:38:21,430 --> 00:38:23,630
people who are caring, who want
to make a difference, whether

773
00:38:23,630 --> 00:38:25,670
it's coaches or someone in
healthcare.

774
00:38:25,990 --> 00:38:29,350
If you're that kind of person,
then you're someone who wants to

775
00:38:29,350 --> 00:38:33,270
try and help everybody.
But it's sometimes not meant to

776
00:38:33,270 --> 00:38:36,310
be that way.
So I actually had some

777
00:38:36,310 --> 00:38:38,870
challenges with different
clients in my past, and I

778
00:38:38,870 --> 00:38:41,950
started to look, I started raise
awareness through compassion.

779
00:38:42,190 --> 00:38:43,910
What were the challenges I was
having here?

780
00:38:44,150 --> 00:38:47,020
What did it bring up in me?
And it brought up these these

781
00:38:47,020 --> 00:38:48,940
few things.
Number one, I love to work with

782
00:38:48,940 --> 00:38:52,340
people who have a desire to
create a powerful mission that

783
00:38:52,340 --> 00:38:53,980
serves.
And maybe they've already got

784
00:38:53,980 --> 00:38:56,540
the mission, like one of my
clients who's trying to break

785
00:38:56,540 --> 00:38:58,220
the mental health to be in
Singapore.

786
00:38:58,460 --> 00:39:01,020
Or maybe they're just looking to
create one as I've got another

787
00:39:01,020 --> 00:39:04,300
guy in the States who's got his
own private equity firm but

788
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:06,540
knows that there's something
more spiritual for him to do to

789
00:39:06,540 --> 00:39:08,300
give back.
And we're working through that.

790
00:39:08,660 --> 00:39:11,660
The second one is that I work
with people with a history of

791
00:39:11,660 --> 00:39:15,520
success or accomplishment.
And this is a really important

792
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,120
distinction.
Now you'll find different

793
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,920
coaches do different things.
At the first level.

794
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,840
Some coaches will want to work
on your habits and your tactics,

795
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,240
and that's very helpful.
Don't get me wrong, and I

796
00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:28,720
sometimes do that.
The second level you want to

797
00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:31,560
work on mindset and strategy.
Again, also helpful.

798
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,560
But when you've already reached
a certain level of

799
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:38,080
accomplishment, the level that
you want to play at is identity.

800
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,440
You mentioned Bar Goldman.
He's a great example.

801
00:39:40,820 --> 00:39:43,460
Of that where you look into that
identity and energy.

802
00:39:43,580 --> 00:39:46,180
So the reason why I like to work
with people with a history of

803
00:39:46,180 --> 00:39:49,140
success is because I like to
take them from already believing

804
00:39:49,140 --> 00:39:53,820
in themselves to believing
what's possible even beyond

805
00:39:53,900 --> 00:39:56,420
their natural state of belief.
And then, you know, I won't go

806
00:39:56,420 --> 00:39:58,860
into all the points.
But then the other one which is

807
00:39:59,020 --> 00:40:02,620
important to me is I'm committed
to the deep inner work and that

808
00:40:02,620 --> 00:40:06,220
people are also committed to
look inwards so that they can

809
00:40:06,220 --> 00:40:11,000
give to others more people who.
OK, circumstances, they can be

810
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,360
challenging, situation can be
difficult, but I'm always

811
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:16,000
encouraging people to look
inwards as to what did that

812
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:19,120
bring up in them.
And that's a very empowered way

813
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:23,280
to lead as well because if you
can soothe yourself and let's

814
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:27,120
say you've got staff or family,
etc, people instantly feel calm

815
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,280
in your presence.
This is important for me that I

816
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,600
work with people who are
powerful mission or desire to

817
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,720
create one, have a history of
success or accomplishment and

818
00:40:35,720 --> 00:40:37,760
people who are committed to
going inwards.

819
00:40:38,220 --> 00:40:40,340
Seeing the deep inner work.
Yeah, I think that's that's a

820
00:40:40,340 --> 00:40:43,500
very important point elation
because you can't be all things

821
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:45,780
to all people.
And as much as you want to show

822
00:40:45,780 --> 00:40:49,100
compassion and and help
everybody, I think that you can

823
00:40:49,100 --> 00:40:50,740
end up doing yourself a
disservice.

824
00:40:50,740 --> 00:40:54,300
Because if you're not, if you're
a square peg in a round hole

825
00:40:54,380 --> 00:40:56,380
also for the client but also for
yourself.

826
00:40:56,380 --> 00:40:59,420
Because it's like you know how
are you achieving your mission

827
00:40:59,420 --> 00:41:02,100
of showing compassion and and
affecting change.

828
00:41:02,380 --> 00:41:05,100
You you have to be realistic and
I think you have to.

829
00:41:05,420 --> 00:41:07,580
I I don't know who said it, but
they said I think it might have

830
00:41:07,580 --> 00:41:10,420
been actually Steve Jobs.
It said sometimes it was not a

831
00:41:10,420 --> 00:41:11,140
matter.
Of.

832
00:41:11,140 --> 00:41:14,460
What I said yes to, but what I
said no to that right helped

833
00:41:14,660 --> 00:41:16,700
dictate my success.
You know, it's all about

834
00:41:16,700 --> 00:41:19,220
prioritization and and focus for
sure.

835
00:41:19,740 --> 00:41:21,580
There is one question I always
ask people.

836
00:41:21,660 --> 00:41:24,420
It's just, you know, obviously
the title of this podcast is

837
00:41:24,500 --> 00:41:26,620
Untether Your Life.
Obviously this is something

838
00:41:26,620 --> 00:41:28,700
you've done an amazing job of
with your life, you know,

839
00:41:28,700 --> 00:41:31,420
breaking.
Free of a lot of the templates

840
00:41:31,420 --> 00:41:34,780
of what, quote UN quote success
looks like in the South Asian

841
00:41:34,780 --> 00:41:38,020
diaspora, you've done an amazing
job of owning your own health

842
00:41:38,100 --> 00:41:41,220
using a lot of these practices,
notably compassion.

843
00:41:41,220 --> 00:41:44,460
So my applause to you.
I'd like to understand, you

844
00:41:44,460 --> 00:41:47,740
know, if if you could tell the
listeners what they can do to

845
00:41:47,740 --> 00:41:49,580
untether your life, what that
be.

846
00:41:49,740 --> 00:41:56,300
I think you know what's coming,
right 11 Great one practice to

847
00:41:56,340 --> 00:41:59,380
embody and it's as simple as
this is.

848
00:41:59,890 --> 00:42:03,490
Throughout the day, pay
attention to how you feel, and

849
00:42:03,490 --> 00:42:05,090
there's three three ways to do
that.

850
00:42:05,130 --> 00:42:08,690
With words, with numbers, and
with also the feeling within

851
00:42:08,690 --> 00:42:11,650
your body.
If you did, she did that by

852
00:42:11,650 --> 00:42:13,730
itself.
You will have a lot of wisdom as

853
00:42:13,730 --> 00:42:16,330
to how you can better help
yourself and others and untether

854
00:42:16,330 --> 00:42:18,170
your life.
Because you know, the reason why

855
00:42:18,170 --> 00:42:21,370
I was able to leave those
templates was because.

856
00:42:21,730 --> 00:42:24,850
After a while, it just, oh, it
didn't feel right for me to be

857
00:42:24,850 --> 00:42:27,370
working here anymore.
And so I always encourage people

858
00:42:27,370 --> 00:42:29,810
to start with that, Start with
those three points of awareness.

859
00:42:30,010 --> 00:42:31,770
Perfect.
Is there anything else you want

860
00:42:31,770 --> 00:42:33,890
to touch on before we before we
wrap things up?

861
00:42:34,130 --> 00:42:36,530
This and I'm so grateful for
you, Nickel.

862
00:42:36,530 --> 00:42:39,210
And at some stage I'd love to
meet Shelley too.

863
00:42:39,290 --> 00:42:42,930
I loved reading the article and
I think it's really, really

864
00:42:42,930 --> 00:42:44,530
beautiful what you guys are up
to.

865
00:42:44,650 --> 00:42:47,770
And I'm just yeah, I'm in the
space of real gratitude.

866
00:42:47,770 --> 00:42:49,050
I love having these
conversations.

867
00:42:49,050 --> 00:42:51,610
If anyone wants to connect with
me make sure you just get.

868
00:42:51,730 --> 00:42:55,810
In touch by my Instagram or Dr.
sacharoo.com and I look forward

869
00:42:55,810 --> 00:43:00,370
to hearing from you guys because
for me it's it's not about the

870
00:43:00,370 --> 00:43:03,290
number of connections, but it's
about the depth of connections.

871
00:43:03,490 --> 00:43:07,130
So if anything spoke to you that
I said definitely get in touch

872
00:43:07,130 --> 00:43:10,050
if you feel like you're aligned
and if not that's also cool like

873
00:43:10,050 --> 00:43:13,530
I send you love and I'll look
forward to hopefully seeing you

874
00:43:13,530 --> 00:43:15,930
in person at some stage nickel.
Yeah, likewise.

875
00:43:15,970 --> 00:43:17,850
Maybe in Estonia, whenever.
You never know.

876
00:43:18,050 --> 00:43:19,170
All right.
Thanks a lot, Nealish.

877
00:43:19,170 --> 00:43:20,970
This was, this was great.
Thank you.

878
00:43:23,790 --> 00:43:26,230
Thanks so much for listening,
and I hope you enjoyed that

879
00:43:26,230 --> 00:43:28,350
episode.
For more of these types of

880
00:43:28,350 --> 00:43:31,870
conversations, please visit us
at Untether Your Life dot Co.

881
00:43:32,510 --> 00:43:34,830
You can also find us on
Instagram and Untether your

882
00:43:34,830 --> 00:43:38,470
life, as well as on Apple,
Spotify, and other platforms by

883
00:43:38,470 --> 00:43:40,110
searching for Untether Your
Life.

884
00:43:40,790 --> 00:43:43,110
And if you did enjoy this
episode, please leave us a

885
00:43:43,110 --> 00:43:45,830
review or share it with someone
who might also benefit.

886
00:43:46,590 --> 00:43:49,990
Thanks and until the next time
we meet, stay untethered.

887
00:43:50,250 --> 00:43:50,450
I'm a.